Colors of a Broken Soul
by Golem XIV
Summary: It's been more than two years since Raven disappeared. Garfield still clings stubbornly to the hope that she will return while the team falls apart as the Rekhma - the Drifting - takes hold. Unexpectedly he runs into her, and now he has to help her heal the scars that she carries, scars that disfigure both her body and her soul. Cover image by the incomparable Bearhow!
1. Lost and Found

**Author's Notes:**

This story follows the lore of _Gifts_ and _Trials_ , but you shouldn't need to read either to understand what is going on. The reason that I am not including it into _Trials_ is that it's way too long.

Damn, forgot that stupid **disclaimer** again. No, I don't own the Teen Titans.

* * *

 **Colors of a Broken Soul**

 **1\. Lost and Found**

It has been two years.

 _Two years, two months and thirteen days,_ he corrected himself.

He was still mildly surprised that it did not hurt much. That same spark of hope that blinded his eyes to the facts also deadened the pain. And everything else. He didn't feel anything worthwhile any more, found no excitement or joy nor felt loss or anguish. He existed in a limbo, the days following each other like sand grains in an hourglass, slowly, inescapably, unstoppably, rolling away without carrying him along. The current of time flowed on beside him while he remained frozen on that day, on that morning.

A morning just like any other one, except that her part of the bed was already cold when he woke up, and that a small, velvet-bound box was left open on his night table, her wedding ring resting in it.

It was uncanny. All those days since that morning just slid out of his memory like sand from a closed fist, no matter how hard he tried to hang on to some of them. He lived them mechanically, going through them one at a time, forgetting the last one as soon as the new one appeared. He floated, wrapped in the cloud of self-deception, allowing time to drift by, looking at the days strung one after the other before him. Some opened up like a flower, to wither and die come the night; others burned like a piece of paper, leaving smoke and ashes and little substance behind them. They had nothing for him to catch hold of. They didn't bring back the past; they promised nothing for the future.

No pain, no joy, no laughter, no tears.

All the pain he ever felt, from watching helplessly the death of his parents, from his abusive guardian, from the substitute family that was the Doom Patrol, from Terra's betrayal and rejection, all of it was also there, and all of it was hidden and smothered by the same indifference that his hope had created to anesthetize his soul and protect him from losing his mind. And yet the price to pay to keep his sanity was to lose everything else.

 _She left only for a while,_ he told himself. _She'll be back soon,_ he convinced himself. _She just had to go and do something,_ he assured himself.

His friends humored him, outwardly agreeing with him, but he could smell the lie on them. They knew the truth. It hurt them, too, but they kept it to themselves and always presented a sunny face and a hopeful cheer to him, not daring to touch the widening wound, knowing that nothing they could do would help close it.

He searched for her, using all his animal senses, probing through the bond that they shared, all in vain. He roamed the city sniffing, listening, looking, searching. From daybreak to exhausted midnight he hunted for her, only half aware of one of his friends always close by, keeping an eye on him, ready to assist. But they never needed to. He never found anything.

At first he was confused. Soon after sorrow and anguish tried to overcome him, but the curse of hope was always with him; the deadly, destructive, unbearable hope that never allowed him to face the truth and never permitted him to come to terms with it. The hope that did not even let him scream away his loss or cry out the pain in his heart.

For two years, two months and thirteen days.

He was not sure how he knew it, because he thought that he had stopped counting how many days it was since she left. At a certain point it did not matter any more. Because she would be back. She would return, and he would live again, and everything would be as it was before.

Except that nothing was as it was before. He was aware of it, but it didn't seem important. The team simply didn't function as it once did. He obeyed Nightwing's orders but never again showed the spark of creativity or initiative. Starfire's powers diminished as her own sorrow overcame her. Cyborg moved just a bit slower and more hesitantly. They just were not what they used to be. Two of their numbers were out, one literally and one virtually, and all others suffered from the consequences. In the end, the rift grew until Kori left for her home planet to attend an emergency call from Galfore. She never returned, just sending instead a quick note stating that she had to stay on Tamaran, for her duties as princess and now ruler demanded it. It was the trigger that made Richard leave and start fighting crime alone, as he always wanted. Only he and Vic remained in the Tower, his big bro taking care of him, making sure he ate and exercised and showered and went to bed. Starfire's _Rekhma_ did finally come about, but not as she expected. He would have smiled sadly at the thought, but it held neither cheer nor hurt for him. Why would it? It happened to someone else, not to him. He was not there, he was still living that morning. It never ended. It would never end.

Until he sensed it again. Sage and thyme, lavender and mint, vanilla and incense.

Sharp claws tore his heart apart, the sudden blinding agony opening in him like a poisonous flower, sweet and deadly, making his knees buckle as he sought to lean on a wall to steady himself. His breath hissed in and out through a tightened throat. His eyes burned and his hands shook while utter chaos invaded his mind.

He stumbled blindly after it, not even looking where it led him. The numbness was torn from him like a blanket, the agony of his longing hitting him finally with all the power that was kept hidden by his traitorous hope. He staggered along as he followed the trail of her scent, gasping with the pain it caused every time he inhaled, tying his guts into knots and stabbing burning needles into his eyes, but unable to stop himself from doing it, a crackhead desperate for his next hit.

He saw her finally, blue jeans and sneakers, dark blue hoodie pulled over her head. His mouth opened to call her, but only a choked growl could escape from his throat. He quickened his pace, closing the distance. She walked with a slight limp, stopping in front of an apartment building, opening the door and disappearing inside, unaware of his presence.

He reached the door and clawed at it for a few seconds, completely oblivious to the handle. He breathed deeply, trying to calm himself, but every breath brought ever more of her familiar scent into his nostrils, driving any rational thought from his mind. His hands finally fell onto the handle, furiously shaking the locked door. He pushed and pulled viciously, the metal and glass loudly protesting while he snarled in rage at it. At last a small ray of rationality managed to shine through the haze in his mind and he stepped back, fighting desperately to reestablish some semblance of reason.

He looked around to see if his actions had attracted any unwelcome attention, but it was late evening and the street was almost empty. He morphed into an ant and crawled inside.

He transformed back into himself and almost ran to the stairwell, climbing up, following her trail. She had used the elevator, but her scent would be easy to pick up once he got to the correct landing. He sensed it again on the sixth floor and followed it to one of the doors in the hallway.

He took several deep breaths, calming down. He removed the holoring, resuming his natural appearance. He rang the bell.

The door opened and her face appeared, hidden under the hood deeper than usual, only one eye shining with that mystic, violet glow that he knew so well. The eye widened in astonished fear as she saw him, a gasp coming from her hidden mouth, the door suddenly slamming shut in his face.

He stood there dazed, swaying like a prizefighter that just received a knockout blow. He breathed heavily though his mouth, trying to avoid feeling her essence, clearing his mind slowly. The pain burning in him drove away the mist that clouded his reason. Determination filled him; his jaw set and his fists clenched.

 _Not again. I am not losing you again, Rae. Whatever it was, whatever your reasons, I will not let it happen. Not again._

Again he morphed into an ant and tried to crawl under the door. She was pushing a rug frantically into the crack, trying to plug it and keep him out, aware of his capabilities. But it would take more than that to stop a determined Garfield Logan. Much more. He easily found an opening and scuttled quickly through it in spite of her efforts. Inside, he resumed his normal form, his hand reaching haltingly for her, his voice a soft whine as he spoke the word he hadn't uttered in more than two years.

"Rae…"

She stumbled back, limping, her right hand clutching at her hood, closing it around her face. He took a small step towards her, following her as she retreated from him.

Still retreating, she staggered into the living room, turned and ran hobbling away. He ran after her, then stopped, trying to understand what he was seeing. There was a man sitting in a wheelchair in the living room and she stood in front of him almost protectively, blocking his view.

He pushed it away from his mind. It did not matter. Only she mattered. He stepped gently towards her, approaching her as he would a skittish, frightened animal. He could see and smell and hear the panic growing in her as she breathed all in quick gasps, the eye wide with terror, her entire body shaking with the desire to run away.

"Raven, please…"

She stood almost petrified, staring at him wide-eyed as he got closer, his love reaching for her, making her panic slowly diminish into fear. Her right hand still clutched the hood around her face, her left arm hanging uselessly beside her. Concern for her invaded him, overwhelming all other emotions. He stepped closer again, his hands reaching up and gently but irresistibly forcing the hood off her head.

His breath hissed in, making her look down and away, trying to ineffectually hide her face with her right hand. He grasped her wrist in his left hand and forced it slowly down, while his right hand cupped her chin and lifted her head back up.

Unbearable pain ran through him as he saw what was left of the face he loved so much. A horrible scar ran from the top of her head, leaving bald patches of corrugated skin, down over her forehead and over the ruins of what once was her left eye, the left cheek and side of the mouth ripped open, the teeth glistening behind it, the scar continuing down over her graceful neck to her shoulder under the hoodie. He now understood the useless left arm and the limp. The scar probably went all the way to her hip or even lower. Something had clawed at her, almost killing her. There was no animal that could have made such a wound. It was… unnatural.

"Raven… love, what happened to you?" he managed to whimper.

Her lips moved, the white teeth flashing unsettlingly through the holes in her left cheek. Her voice was choked, her throat constricted, her mouth moving soundlessly until she managed to croak out a stammered word.

"G… G… Gar… field…"

Again she twisted her head and brought it down, trying to conceal the sight of the hideous scar from him.

"N – No, Gar, p – please… please don't look…"

She broke away and turned her back to him, her hand clumsily trying to put the hood back on. His hands gripped her shoulders, turning her around, pulling her closer. She tried to push him away at first, then stopped fighting him and buried her head in his chest, sobbing, her right arm clutching at him. He embraced her hard and stroked her hair, whispering comfortingly.

"I'm here, Rae. I'm here. I'm with you. It's all that matters. I love you. I'm here. Don't worry. I love you."

He held her tight, trying to control the whirlwind of emotions that assaulted him. Love and joy to be with her again, fear and concern for what happened to her, pain because she was hurt, rage at himself for not being at her side when she needed him. He squeezed his eyes shut and pushed it all away. It was not important.

She was back.

He finally opened his eyes, noticing she had calmed down also, her sobs turning into shivers, her breathing less ragged. He looked at the man sitting in the wheelchair. Young and handsome, well-built, powerfully muscled. His gaze went over him, noticing the empty right sleeve and the unnatural way the blanket fell over the place where his left leg should be. He looked up again into the handsome face, noticing the blank, empty eyes and the small trickle of drool that was slowly dripping from the man's mouth. He was little more than a crippled vegetable. He noticed the dark, almost reddish skin and the long white mane of hair. It was frighteningly familiar.

He pushed her gently back and looked into her eye.

"Raven, is that…"

Her eyes avoided looking at him. Her voice came out in a choked whisper.

"Yes, Gar. That is… what's left of my father."


	2. Home, Sweet Home

**Author's Notes:**

I was hoping to do two things in this chapter. First, make it less dark than the previous, and second, to explain most of the stuff that I hinted at in the first one. I half-managed, half-failed in both, but I'm still fairly happy with the result. Of course, the final judge of that will be you, so don't be shy and drop off a review!

* * *

 **2\. Home, Sweet Home**

"You don't need to hide it, Rae. I love you like this just as I loved you before."

"It does not… bother you?" Her voice was soft, raspy, stumbling, as if she hadn't used it for a long time and she needed to get accustomed to speaking again.

"It does bother me. It's tearing me apart, Rae. But not because of how you look."

He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and led her gently to the couch, making her sit, then lowering himself beside her. He took her limp left hand in both of his. "Can you feel it?"

She shook her head slowly.

"No. The nerves have been… destroyed. There is no feeling where the scar… goes. It is just flesh. Someone else's."

He looked up into her eye, then reached and took her face in his hands tenderly and tried to kiss her. She pulled back and turned away. He could smell anger suddenly boiling in her, brought up by shame and regret.

"Don't pity me, Garfield!" she hissed softly but piercingly.

His teeth ground against each other as he tried to keep the rage at her words down. Again he gripped her shoulders and turned her towards him. She tried to resist, but his strength vastly overmatched hers.

 _She's weakened,_ he thought pointlessly. _She hasn't been training. I wouldn't be able to turn her around like this two years ago._

"Pity? Is that what you think I feel for you?" His voice rose in volume as the control over his fury started to slip. "Are you telling me you never felt what you mean to me? That you can't feel it now?" he snarled at her, finally clamping his mouth shut and clenching his jaw to keep back more of the angry words that hissed and bubbled in his throat, fighting the urge to spit them at her like acid, to have them burn and bite and _hurt_ her.

Her head hunched between her shoulders. The smell of anguish and shame and regret and hopelessness was strong on her, every component exquisitely defined, sharp as a blade, burning like the caress of a nettle against his soul. His eyes widened as he understood, his voice questioning softly, afraid of the answer, even though he knew it already.

"You… you can't. Not any more. Is that it? Is that what happened to you?"

She clasped her left hand in her right, her eyes avoiding him, looking ahead, unfocused. Her mouth opened as she squeezed the words out.

"It's… gone. All of it. My power, my empathy… It's all gone. Even…"

She choked on the last word, tried to speak again but couldn't. She gasped for breath, then closed her mouth and looked down at her right hand as it dug its nails into the unfeeling piece of meat and bone under it.

"Even our bond" he finished for her. She nodded, still unable to speak.

Again he cupped her chin and turned her head to look into her eye.

"We'll fix it, Rae. All of it. You and me, together. I promise."

Tears flooded her good eye but she couldn't look down. She shifted her gaze from one of his eyes to the other and back again, opening her mouth to ask him, but unable to do so. Her hand went up and touched his cheek. She nodded, still looking at him. She took a deep breath and finally found her voice.

"You promise?"

"I promise, love."

She sighed heavily as if deeply relieved. He embraced her and she allowed herself to melt into his arms, like so many times before, so long ago. To drown in his love and forget about everything else except the beating of his heart and the feeling of his arms around her.

He held her for a while, letting her drink in his love, kissing her hair, whispering comforting and meaningless things to her, knowing that she did not listen to the words but to the sound, the soft, soothing drone of his voice that both calmed her soul and made her heart flutter.

He lowered his head and brushed his lips against hers gently. She did not pull back this time. He looked at her.

"Let's get you home."

* * *

They waited silently for Cyborg to arrive. She nestled in his arms, the feeling of contentment and calm almost painful, the rediscovered small pleasure she once took for granted now poignantly intense. She didn't dare to move or speak, afraid that it would wake her up, make her lose it all again, return her to the dark nightmare that she lived through during the last two years.

"Two years, two months and thirteen days" she whispered to herself.

He heard it but remained silent, reacting only by pulling her closer and tightening his grip on her.

Cyborg didn't bother with knocking. Luckily, the door was unlocked, otherwise he would've just brushed it aside in a shower of wood splinters as he strode in.

"Where is she?" he demanded as soon as he entered. "Yo! Greenbean! Where are you?"

"Living room!" replied Changeling, even though Cyborg's massive bulk was already heaving into view.

"Where is she?" Cyborg repeated. "Is she all right? What happened? Why –" he cut himself off as his eyes fell on her and her state became clear to him. He inhaled sharply before managing to control himself.

"Did you bring one of her cloaks?" Changeling asked, annoyed at his friend but realizing the reaction was only natural, and probably milder than his own.

"Sure. Here." He offered the cloak he brought to Changeling and turned around, suddenly very interested in examining the small apartment. Garfield sighed, threw the cloak around Raven's shoulders and clasped it around her neck, then lifted the hood over her head. Her eye gave him a grateful look.

They rose together and stepped towards the half-metal giant. Raven's hand poked shyly from her cloak and touched Cyborg's arm.

"It's good to see you again, Victor."

He turned to her, his human eye moist. His metallic paw squeezed her shoulder gently.

"Good to see y'all, too, little sis" he replied, his voice tight.

"I'll take Rae to the T-Car" Changeling said. "Can you pick that guy up and bring him with us?"

"Sure" Cyborg replied, turning to the comatose cripple. He studied the man's features for a second, then looked sharply at Changeling. Garfield just nodded slightly. Cyborg sighed and bent to pick up the wheelchair together with the patient.

"Let's go."

* * *

Raven lay naked in the machine's cocoon while the medical scanner explored her body. Changeling watched her face through a small window, making sure that she could see him and draw comfort from the fact that he was there beside her. Cyborg watched the results of the scan with a scowl. He operated a few controls and typed several commands into the console.

"Just one more check and we're finished" he said soothingly.

Changeling nodded, not lifting his gaze from Raven's eye. It watched him almost desperately, unreasoning fear shining in it. He leaned closer to the small window and whispered, making sure she could interpret the movement of his lips.

"It's OK, Rae. We're almost finished."

She blinked slowly to show she understood him and the fear in her eye subsided a little. After a few minutes, Cyborg rose from the console and went to a computer terminal, his back to them.

"Done. Get her out of there and put some clothes on her."

"Thanks, Chrome Dome!"

Cyborg closed his eyes at the words. It had been more than two years since Changeling used any of the many taunting nicknames they had for each other. He was pulling out of his depression. But Raven's state… He shuddered.

Garfield helped Raven out of the cocoon, his face studiously expressionless as he saw again the full extent of the damage that she had suffered. He helped her put on her leotard and her soft boots, then clasped her cloak around her shoulders and lifted the hood over her head. Her fingers went through his hair, then pulled him gently towards her. She kissed him lightly and quickly turned away, fighting the urge to kiss him passionately, desperately, hungrily, forcing her feelings and her needs down. His arm went around her shoulders and he guided her gently out towards her room.

"Can you put her in bed and come by later to help me out, Evergreen?" Cyborg's voice startled him.

The idea of letting her out of his sight for even a minute was almost unbearable, but he heard the note of imperiousness and urgency in Cyborg's voice. He nodded again and walked with Raven as she limped to her room.

* * *

He chuckled silently as he helped her get into bed. She felt his shoulders shake and asked "What?"

He grinned at her. "To think I was helping you dress two minutes ago, just to take your clothes off again!"

Suddenly he was aware of a deeper, muskier scent enveloping him, of her heart beating faster and her breath quickening. His reaction was immediate and instinctive; his hand moved caressingly over her, feeling the muscles under her skin tremble at his touch. But a note of fear mingled with the musk and her hand closed over his.

"Gar, please… not now."

He looked at her, his eyes darkening, his nostrils flaring as he took in her scent.

"Raven…"

She turned and slid under the blanket, hiding from him. He sat beside her on the bed, his hand touching the scar on her face. She flinched.

"I want you, Rae. With the scar, without the scar, it's all the same to me. I don't care what's outside. What I love is deeper than that."

"Gar, I… Please be patient with me" she said, took his hand and placed it on her cheek.

He bent over and kissed her lightly. "I always am, love."

She nodded her acknowledgment. He smiled at her, rose and left her room.

* * *

"What is it, Vic?" he asked quietly, not aware that he fell into first names again. But Cyborg did not miss it.

 _Sometimes it's more difficult to hide things from him than it was from her,_ he thought.

"There's a problem, Gar."

"I realized that. What did you find?"

"Sit" Cyborg waved at a chair. "Look." He pointed at the large screen in the infirmary where the images from the scan were displayed.

"I'm not a doctor, Vic. What is it?" Changeling frowned, feeling uncomfortable with Cyborg's apparent evasiveness.

Cyborg got up and pointed to several internal organs.

"Pancreas. Spleen. Left kidney. Left lung. All cut to ribbons. Plus, her cardiovascular system has suffered an enormous stress. And… the heart."

Changeling watched him silently, a frown frozen on his face.

Cyborg sighed. There was no way of being gentle with it. "Gar, I don't know what happened, but the wounds were deadly. She was not healed, she was patched up. Chewing gum and duct tape job. It won't hold."

"Won't hold?" It was both a statement and a question, asked in a quiet, controlled voice.

"The organs aren't working properly" Cyborg answered, not daring to look at his friend. "They will break apart and shut down soon. There's nothing that can be done. The damage is simply too extensive."

Garfield's eyes glowed, but his breathing never changed. His voice was still low and controlled as he asked.

"How long?"

"I'm… not sure."

There was no change in the tone or the volume of Changeling's voice, but for some reason it now carried a dangerous note.

" _How long,_ Victor?"

"Six months. A year, tops."

Changeling's eyes flicked from Cyborg's eye to the scan image, then back.

"Transplant?"

"She wouldn't survive it."

"Stem cells?"

Cyborg just shook his head. Changeling got up and walked over to the screen, stared at it.

"There must be something."

"There's nothing medical science can do in such a case, Gar. I'm… sorry."

Garfield turned slowly and faced Cyborg. His eyes were expressionless.

"I made her a promise, Victor. I promised that I will fix it. I intend to keep that promise. Whatever it takes."

"Gar, there's just no –"

Changeling moved closer to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. His eyes were still devoid of any expression, but for the first time in his life Cyborg was afraid of his best friend.

"Anything, Victor. If I have to go down into Hell and drag Lucifer up here by his horns, I'll do it."

Cyborg swallowed. "The only thing I can think of is her own healing trance. She was able to regenerate tissue with it before. Why she can't do it now, I don't know."

"I do" Changeling said softly. "Whatever happened… whatever gave her those wounds also took away her power."

"I… see. _What_ happened, Gar? Did she tell you anything?"

"No. We didn't have much time to speak."

Cyborg looked concernedly at his friend. "Gar, we'll have to ask her. We have to get it out of her. For her sake."

Changeling passed his hand in front of his eyes, suddenly exhausted. "I know, Vic. I realize that. It may be our only chance to… help her."

They both stood silently for a few moments, their thoughts troubled. Cyborg broke the silence.

"You do understand that she knows this already?"

Changeling was surprised at himself. The effort it took to maintain a calm voice was monumental, but he somehow managed it.

"I… am aware of that. She is a healer. She must have known all this time."

Cyborg nodded. He was finding it difficult to breathe. _Strange,_ he thought, _considering that I have no lungs and that my breathing apparatus is completely artificial._ He groped desperately for something to say.

"That guy looks awfully like…"

"In her own words, it's what's left of her father."

Cyborg nodded, realizing he was already expecting a similar answer. "He's safe for now. I'll place him in maximum security just in case."

Changeling lifted his head, a suspicion forming in his mind, the glow in his eyes deadly.

"What is his status?"

"He lost his right arm at the shoulder and the left leg at the hip, but both wounds have been expertly closed and there is no other damage. Except to his mind."

"Is he comatose?"

"No. His mind is gone. Completely and utterly gone. There are no higher brain activities. He does not even have the intelligence to chew if you put food into his mouth. He has to be fed liquids; at least he will swallow, but that's a reflex, not a brain function. Everything that's not life support has been erased. Obliterated."

"She did it" Garfield voiced what both of them suspected.

"And he wounded her" Cyborg agreed.

Silence fell again between them. This time Garfield broke it. His voice was tight and brittle.

"His wounds were… expertly treated?"

"Yes. I've seldom seen such good surgery work."

"It wasn't surgery."

Cyborg's human eye narrowed. "You mean she…"

"She defeated him and healed him, and then used the last of what remained of her power to patch herself up."

"Gar, we don't know that –"

"By God, Raven, _WHY?_ " Changeling shouted as he smashed his fist into the wall, buckling the armored paneling, leaving a bloody trail on the torn metal. He collapsed to the floor, whimpering, not even feeling the pain from his broken hand. It could not compare to the agony in his soul.

Cyborg strode over and helped him up, guiding him over to the infirmary bed and making him sit there. He started treating the broken wrist and crushed fingers, already swelling with a greenish-purple color. He applied anesthetic and antiseptic, felt expertly for the broken ends of the bones and started splinting each to keep them immobilized while they healed. Changeling was quiet all the time, staring at the far wall, the only visible sign of his turmoil the silent tears that slowly rolled down his cheeks.

Cyborg worked quickly and efficiently. The hand was soon wrapped in a plaster cast and slung to rest over Changeling's chest.

"Go get some sleep, Pea Soup. You need it. Tomorrow we'll talk to her."

Garfield took a deep breath, burying his pain, knowing that it would not help him now. He smiled at Cyborg, fist-bumped him with his good hand and rose. "You're right, Rust Brain. I'll be with Rae. See ya tomorrow morning."

As he was about to leave the infirmary, he turned again to Cyborg and spoke, a wistful grin on his face.

"Listen, Bolt Bucket… Can you do me a favor?"

"Waffles for breakfast tomorrow? You didn't have to ask!"

"Just make sure mine are non-dairy!"

Cyborg grinned back. "Leave the cookin' to Ole Uncle Cy. Y'all jus' go an' take care of mah little sis, and of yerself, ya hear?"

Changeling wanted to reply, but his throat was too dry and too tight. He just nodded and walked to her room.

* * *

The tears from her good eye dripped slowly over the bridge of her nose and over the unfeeling, crumpled flesh of the scar to fall on the bed linen, leaving a dark, expanding stain.

 _Why, Gar? Why did you have to find me and see me like this?_

She squeezed her eye shut, but the tears still flowed.

 _Only a few more months and I would've been gone. You would remember me as I was. Beautiful. Happy. Loving. Not a twisted, scarred wreck. Not a… a hideous monster. A freak._

She buried her face in the pillow, trying in vain to find surcease.

 _He said… he still loved me._

A snarl tore itself out of her throat.

 _Don't be an idiot, Raven. It's been two years. He got over you a long time ago._

 _I never got over him…_

 _You were alone. You were caring for the fleshy prison that was once your father. You knew that he was alive, with our friends, in the Tower. They surely helped him get over it._

 _He said he didn't… care… about it. That he…_

 _By Azar, Raven, how can he not care? The sight of you is loathsome! Sickening! It's repulsive even to yourself, how can it not be revolting to him?_

 _My empathy is gone… I am not used to reading people's emotions from their body language. I can't be certain if what he feels for me is still love or just… pity. Pity for a… wounded friend. For a freak._

The first of many sobs shook her.

 _Even if he really loves me still, I can't do this to him. I won't last much longer. A few months more, and then…_

Somehow the thought was comforting. It promised the end to the suffering, the stop to the torture, the drowning of the pain. It offered sweet, forgetful oblivion.

 _Victor will see it. He will know, and he will tell him. And then he will also suffer as he sees me… go, not being able to do anything._

 _Because there is nothing that can be done. I know it. I felt it as I tried to heal myself. My power poured out of me, just like my blood. I had to use one to stop the other. There was no other way._

 _And now I have doubled his suffering._

She tried to calm down, for a moment toying with the idea of meditating. But she was too tired and her emotions were pulling her in too many directions. She would not be able to focus and find her center. Instead, she called on her years of conditioning and slowly, ever so slowly pushed her feelings back. But as her anguish and sorrow diminished, other feelings sneaked in to replace them, barely noticed at first.

 _I was… happy. Truly, completely, unashamedly happy. It was all your doing, Gar. You made me feel, you made me live, you made me sense what I was denying myself all my life._

 _Azar, how I wish to kiss you… to feel your hands and your lips, to embrace you and forget myself in your arms, to feel your warmth beside me and your scent around me…_

As always, thinking about him brought her calm. The fingers on her good hand twitched slightly as she imagined them going through his hair, touching his face, holding his hand.

The hand suddenly clenched into a fist.

 _I have to leave. Escape. Run away. I can't do this to him. I can't make him suffer just so I can feel a bit better for a few months more._

Her mind made up, she rose from the bed with some difficulty and limped to her closet.

 _I'll take a few changes of clothes. I don't need anything else._

She opened the closet and started selecting the few things she wanted to take, carrying them single-handed one by one to the bed. She would stuff them later into a bag, steal the T-Car and lose herself among the millions of inhabitants of the city. Not even his sense of smell would be able to find her again.

She started sifting through the cloaks, trying to pick one. To anybody else, with the possible exception of Starfire, all her cloaks looked exactly the same. But she knew the subtle differences. Her hand closed over one, a smile lifting the unscarred side of her mouth as she remembered.

She was wearing that cloak one day when Garfield was feeling lazy – well, lazier than usual – so he decided to morph into a small chinchilla and curl up in her hood to doze there while she carried him around. She thought it adorable and bore him with a small, happy smile on her lips, but neither of them realized that they were going to get much more than what they had bargained for.

For some three hours his extremely sensitive sense of smell was completely immersed in the intimate scent of her hair pervading the hood. The moment she walked into her room he jumped out, morphed back into himself and was all over her, overwhelming her with the power of his desire and the passion of his kisses.

 _We never even made it to the bed…_

Making her mind up, she removed the cloak from the hanger. A small flash of white drew her attention. She tossed the cloak carelessly on the bed and parted the other cloaks to reveal what she had glimpsed.

Her hand grasped the soft fabric and pulled it towards her. Her knees buckled and she collapsed to the floor, her arm tightening around it, her sobs starting again, her soul overwhelmed by unbearable pain and longing. She rocked herself, crying and hugging it tightly with her good arm, her head dropping down to bury itself in it. But it didn't last long. She was completely exhausted and sleep stole quickly over her, leaving her breathing softly, still clutching it, her head pillowed on it.

The soft sound of the door opening and closing did not wake her. Garfield padded in, soundless as a cat, careful not to disturb her. For an instant he stood petrified, seeing that the bed was empty. He looked around, searching anxiously for her, until he saw her crumpled form on the floor. Relief washed over him as his ears and nose told him that she was sleeping peacefully, but they could not explain why her arm was curled in a death grip around a large, ugly, white felt chicken.


	3. For as Long as I Live

**3\. For as Long as I Live**

Her room was quiet and dark, even though morning had been well advanced by the time she woke up. Her eye opened slowly, lazily. The morning sun cut out a triangular blade of light full of dancing dust motes as it filtered through a slit in the drapes and through the gloom inside.

He was still sleeping peacefully. She sighed softly, relishing in his warmth. His unshaven chin scraped lightly against her forehead, his scent stronger in the morning, before he showered; his arm curled protectively around her, her hand covering his plaster cast. It was so… familiar, so common, the way she woke up so many times before. And yet it was barely remembered, a shadow from a happier time, a time that maybe never was, just a figment of her imagination, a wish that turned into memory from the sheer desire for it to come true.

The confused jumble of images and sensations from last night went through her mind. Crying herself to sleep over the large plush toy, then feeling his arms scoop her up, at first refusing to relinquish the felt chicken, just to drop it and wrap her arm around his neck as soon as her head found a resting place on his chest. She was lowered gently on the bed, her arm still looped around him, not letting him go, grasping at him almost in desperation, forcing him to lay down beside her fully dressed. Never opening her eyes, her arm finally unwound itself and her hand touched his face, tracing the familiar planes of his jaw and the curves of his cheek. She could feel his feathery kiss on the tips of her fingers as they brushed his lips, then his face came closer, his soft, warm breath caressing her and his lips barely grazing her own, that one single gossamer touch saying more than a thousand terms of endearment. His left arm went over and around her, the rhythm of his breathing hypnotizing, his scent soothing and calming. His right arm was between them and her hand followed it from the shoulder down, coming to rest over the plaster cast on his right hand as she drifted off to sleep.

She gave a sudden start, the significance of the cast on his hand finally reaching her mind. Her brow furrowed in concern. What happened? How did he manage to hurt himself? Was it healing the right way? The work had Cyborg's hallmarks written all over it, which was the best she could've hoped for, but hand wounds were notoriously complex to treat; the broken bones seldom fused properly. She squeezed her eye shut. If only she wasn't so… useless.

She should get up, leave, disentangle herself from his embrace, not allow herself the bliss and the joy of his nearness. It was weakening her resolve and making her doubt the path she had to take. Even more now that her utter _worthlessness_ was displayed for all to see. She was hideous, weak, half-crippled; her power was gone, unable to sense anything, unable to heal anyone… And to top it all, her mere presence would constantly remind him and his friends of the little time she had left, time that would slowly tick-tock itself out, swirling away like water in a drain, going around and around in a futile attempt to break away, escape and avoid the merciless claws of entropy. And through it all their anxiety would grow, their suffering increase, their pain mount.

It was unthinkable.

She would not allow it.

She tried to squirm out of his embrace as gently as she could. His eyes opened and he gazed at her with a mixture of hurt and amusement. His arm curled around her harder, pulling her back close to him.

"You're not going anywhere, love."

"Gar, I…"

"I saw the clothes you were preparing last night, Rae. You wanted to leave. I'm not letting you."

She looked away, hiding her face from him. "I can't do this to you."

He made her look at him again. The gold flecks that always danced in his eyes were quiet and dark. "Do you really think it would hurt me less?"

"You would get over it. Just like you did –"

"Rae" he whispered, not letting her finish. "I never did. I never could."

She closed her eye, unable to meet his gaze any more. She felt his fingers in her hair.

"You made me a promise, Rae. 'For as long as you live'."

She could just nod her head, not able to open her eye and face him, not having the power to say anything.

He held her captive, feeling the slight tremors shake her, scenting the love and despair on her.

"There is a way. There has to be a way. We will find it."

Again she nodded, then buried her face in his chest and released herself to his love.

* * *

"Mornin', little sis! Sleep well?"

"Good morning, Victor. I did, thanks."

Cyborg glanced at Changeling, who just nodded slightly. The half-robot relaxed, feeling his anxiety subside slowly. Raven limped over to the counter and sat down, Changeling following her soundlessly like a ghost. Plates of waffles appeared in front of them.

The familiar but almost forgotten smell of Cyborg's freshly made breakfast waffles made her eye burn again. She sighed, trying not to shudder. She felt Garfield's hand on her own, his reassurance flowing into her. She drank greedily of the love and the strength he was pouring into her, then forced a small smile on her face.

"You two are going out of your way to spoil me."

"Well, y'know how it is. Ah don't wanna give y'all any reason to complain about the accommodations" Cyborg drawled wryly.

Her smile widened slightly. She wanted to say something, but decided it could wait, at least until she finished breakfast. She took a bite, then with a practiced movement picked up a napkin and covered the left side of her face while she chewed. It was a reflex, an automatic motion; she never gave it a thought, so she didn't notice Garfield tense and Cyborg turn around, suddenly very busy with the dishes.

The breakfast finished, Garfield guided her to the couch and had her sit down on it. Cyborg sauntered over and sat on the other side.

"It's time for you to enlighten us, little sis" he said softly, trying to spare Changeling the pain of having to ask.

"I know" she said, sighing deeply. "Please, you must forgive me. I simply had no time to… to speak with anyone. Especially not with you, Gar" she said, turning to him, touching his hand. His brow was creased and he looked ready to ask her why, but he kept his peace, letting her finish first.

"That night I had a… you could call it a dream, but it was much more that that. It was a certainty, I knew it had happened, just as if I had been there as it occurred. My father found a way to enter our plane and he manifested himself in the outskirts of the city. He knew where I was and his first wish was to take his vengeance on me for what I did. What I had felt was him calling to me. He taunted me and defied me."

"He would not allow me time to prepare my defenses or to gather allies. I had to respond to his call immediately. I only had time to get dressed and… and then I created a portal and went to face him."

"You did more than just that" Changeling cut her off dryly.

She looked at him, a spark of the old Raven appearing in her defiant eye.

"I knew I wasn't coming back, Gar. I left the ring as a token that I was releasing you from your promise."

He looked at her expressionlessly. "Did it ever occur to you that I didn't wish to be released?"

Her gaze became pained and dropped to the floor. His teeth ground against each other with rage at himself as he felt his heart ripped apart. _I have hurt her. Why? Why am I so stupid? Why do I hurt the only person in the world that I wouldn't ever wish to harm?_

His arm went around her shoulders. "Look, I'm sorry, I didn't want to –"

"I know, Gar. I understand" she said, still looking down. Her gaze lifted and she looked at him. "I didn't wish to hurt you, either. But you – any of you – could not help. You could only get killed."

His jaw muscles clenched again as he bit off a reply. Cyborg noticed it and steered the conversation away from the topic.

"What happened then?"

"I… faced him. He had taken on human form, the same one that you saw, the same person that you brought here. But unlike last time, all his power was with him and… it was immense. Incredible. I wasn't even outclassed, I was a toothless worm trying to bite an elephant."

"It was hopeless. I tried to fight him. I poured every ounce of strength I had into my attacks. He brushed them off as if they were bothersome flies. He tore apart my defenses effortlessly. His strikes went through them like the blade of a sword through tissue paper. He laughed at me and toyed with me. He let me launch my bolts at him time and again, taunting me, showing me how utterly useless my power was when compared to his. He struck back at me with blows carefully measured to smash through my protective spells and hurt me, just enough for the pain to be almost unbearable, but never enough for me to pass out or to get wounded heavily. Oh no, he wanted to play with me, to torture me, to let me feel and taste my own weakness, to make sure I knew how defenseless I was, to make me lose hope."

Her hand gripped Garfield's, her nails digging into his flesh without her noticing. His expression never changed.

"Soon I was at his mercy, completely exhausted and unable to attack or defend any more. His laughter drilled into my ears and my brain, tore holes in my soul. He swept aside the blocks I had on my mind and he dove in, rooting through my memories, looking for my deepest fears to torture and hurt me and to make me suffer as only he could. He scoured with agonizing brutality through my feelings and twisted them into hideous caricatures of themselves. He sullied everything he touched, filling my mind and soul with his evil filth. All the good that I ever did was perverted and tainted, everything I could ever take pride of was transformed into a source of shame; all the good feelings I ever had were ripped out of me, jerked and twisted inside out, made to be the opposite of what they were and then forced back on me."

"I could only kneel before him, whimpering, wishing for the pain and torture to end. But he wouldn't let it. He savored it, and he made his enjoyment clear to me, and he forced me to know that it would go on and on and on… And then he… he made a mistake."

She fell silent, her shoulders shaking with dry sobs. Changeling and Cyborg sat quietly, knowing they could do nothing but let her fight out of it herself.

"He… found my love. I tried to hide it, Gar. I tried to deny it, to keep you safe from his wrath, but I couldn't. It shone through me like a beacon, its light both repelling and attracting him. He tried to rip it out of me and darken it, tarnish it, defile it; but it hurt him and burned him and cut him when he touched it. It made him mad."

Her eye squeezed shut. Her fingers clawed Garfield's hand, lacerating it, drops of blood soundlessly falling on the couch. Neither one of them noticed.

"He raged. He formed images in my mind of how he would find you and… hurt you. How he would… torture you."

Her eye glowed red. Her voice became deeper.

"He wanted to harm you" she said. Her voice was quiet, but her tone made the hairs on the back of Garfield's neck rise. "In his rage, he forgot for a moment who I was."

Her voice was now a low growl. It had that peculiar quality of resonating in several intonations, all just a millisecond out of sync with each other.

 _It angered me._

She looked at him. Another red eye appeared just over her eyebrow. Two red slits opened on the ruined side of her face. All four eyes blazed with infernal fire. Her voice made them both shudder.

 _I will not allow anyone to harm you. You are mine._

The eyes slowly dimmed and extinguished and her voice returned to normal. She breathed heavily.

"He forgot who I was" she said again. "He forgot that rage and hatred always bound me to him. I used that bond. I took those feelings from him, made them mine, sucked them out of him. I fed my own power with his. I weakened him and strengthened myself, letting the abomination of his malice consume me, and then I loosed it all on him."

She took a deep, shuddering breath.

"He realized what I was doing and he clawed at me, wounding me as you see. But his arm was burned off doing it, and my counter tore off his leg. I wished to erase him, to destroy his essence, to annihilate every vestige of his existence, and the blast I unleashed on him made it so. It wiped his mind completely, leaving him as you see him now. But as it destroyed him, so did my power go away. The little I had left I used to… heal him, and to close my own wounds."

"I somehow dragged his body to the road, where a kind woman took us and drove us to the city. I forget what weird story I gave her to explain what a comatose cripple and a scarred girl were doing in the middle of nowhere, but she didn't press the point. She probably became scared and wanted to get rid of us as soon as possible, suddenly regretting her benevolence. I don't blame her."

"I withdrew all the funds I had and I rented that apartment. I cared for him, waiting for the time that I knew was coming, when my organs would fail and I would… go."

Changeling shifted a little. "I still don't understand why you didn't return with us."

Her eye blazed white, her voice fierce as she hissed at him.

"Look at me, Garfield! This is what I am now! A disfigured ruin! I can barely walk, let alone be part of the team! I have no powers, no empathy, no healing left! I am an aberration, a _freak!_ "

"No" he said gently. "To me, you are just as beautiful as you always were."

She closed her eye as his words scythed through her. Her head bent forward and nestled on his shoulder.

Cyborg cleared his throat.

"Does all this mean that Trigon is destroyed?"

She sighed, not wishing to leave Garfield's shoulder.

"Yes and no. Trigon was – is – an embodiment, a physical representation of evil. You cannot destroy evil, it is a concept, not a material thing. For now, it is trapped in that prison of flesh. When the prison dies…"

"The evil will free itself?"

"Yes. It will seek a new host, either to turn into Trigon again or to become a new being. I will depend more than anything on the host's willpower. But whatever it is, it will be consumed with the evil, regardless. It will have Trigon's powers and all that made him what he was. It would not change anything."

"It would have Trigon's powers?" Changeling asked.

Raven nodded. "Those powers are intrinsic. They were part of Trigon when he was created as the manifestation of the evil that the Azarathians ripped out of themselves."

"I see" Changeling said, then fell silent.

"Well, that leaves only one question open" Cyborg said with a gusty sigh.

"Nothing can be done, Vic" Raven replied, straightening up and turning to face him. "You know that yourself. The scans from last night must have told you so."

"We could try cloning and growing the organs _in vitro_ , then –"

She shook her head. "I don't think so. Unless there had been a breakthrough in cloning tech I'm not aware of, it's not possible and you know it."

"How about electromechanical implants?"

The unscarred part of Raven's lips turned upwards. "Want to turn me into a copy of yourself?"

"It's a possibility we should look at" Cyborg retorted, slightly annoyed.

"That technical lingo is making my head hurt" Changeling said suddenly. "I gotta go do something. Be right back."

They looked at him and nodded, returning to their discussion.

"I don't think the knowledge of how to do it has survived your father, Vic. Just the issue of the immune system's response to the implants is daunting. And where would we get the replacements? Can you manufacture them?"

"I can certainly try" Cyborg said as Changeling left the room. Raven glanced after him.

"There isn't enough time. You know it."

Cyborg sighed and shook his head. "You should've come here right away, little sis. You shouldn't have –"

She cut him off. "Neither one of you seems to understand, Victor. My father… he twisted my memories and my feelings. I may have defeated him, but the scars are still with me. And not only these" she said, touching her face. "I am extremely uncomfortable right now. I have an overwhelming urge to run away, leave. I am ashamed, Vic. Ashamed of what I am, of how I look, of what I did."

"That shame is not real!"

"It feels quite real to me."

"Then you have to fight it! Your love, Gar's love, is that nothing? Can't you use that to help you?"

"Of course. He's already helping. But it will take time. Time that we don't have."

Silence fell between them. Cyborg sat scowling. Raven placed her hand on top of his large metallic paw, trying to change the subject.

"Where are the others? Kori? Richard?"

Cyborg's face darkened, but he managed to control himself.

"Kori's on Tamaran. Some urgent stuff that Galfore had requested her to do. Richard… he's… been out a few days now. I don't expect him back soon."

Raven smiled again. "Did he manage to sniff Slade out?"

Cyborg gave her a sickly grin. "Yeah, something like that." _At least she can't sense that I'm lying to her,_ he thought.

"How did you guys do while I was away?"

Cyborg's grin widened. "It wasn't easy, little sis. Doctor Light almost beat us."

She chuckled. "Now that's what I call falling low."

Suddenly an alarm blared. They both looked up, surprised.

"What's that? That's not the Crime Alert!"

"It's the Containment Unit! The external protection has been breached!"

"Containment Unit? Is that were you placed… _Garfield!_ " she cried, the realization crashing on her.

Cyborg was already on his feet and running for the door when Raven's despairing shout stopped him.

"Victor, please! You must take me!"

He turned around and looked at her for a second, then strode back, scooped her up and ran to the Containment Room.

* * *

As Cyborg ran, a second alarm started howling. He cursed.

"That's the radiological and biohazard screen breached. He made it through the second layer. If he breaks through the inner force field…"

They were approaching the Containment Room when the third alarm sounded. Both knew what happened. They will be too late.

Raven's eye was wet. "Gar, no, please don't do it, Garfield, my love, don't, please …" she whined, repeating it as if it was her mantra, clinging onto Cyborg with her good arm.

Cyborg never stopped to open the door to Containment. His leg struck out and the door blew inwards. He ran in, carrying Raven, without stopping as the door banged on the far wall and fell to the floor.

They turned to where the Maximum Security Containment Unit was and froze. Changeling was standing there, his left hand transformed into a paw with a set of two-inch, razor-sharp talons protruding from it. With all security measures overridden or destroyed, the man who was Trigon lay before him, defenseless and wide open for a sweep of the claw that would end his life.

Cyborg put Raven down and his arm started transforming into a cannon, pointing it at Changeling. Raven's hand touched his arm.

"Wait!"

"He's gonna kill him! He wants to get his power and use it to heal you! He doesn't care what'll happen after!"

"I know. He won't do it. Trust me."

Cyborg lowered his arm cannon slowly and looked at her.

"I hope you know what you're doing, little sis" he growled.

"I hope so, too" she replied grimly and limped over to where Garfield stood, stock still, gazing at the prone form in front of him.

She came abreast of him and glanced at the man laid out on the medical bed, IV tubes going into his arm, electrodes from medical sensors stuck over his body, his eyes closed, his mouth half opened, unaware of anything. She gripped Garfield's paw in her hand.

"Gar…"

He ignored her, staring at the prone, mindless body. Her hand let go of his arm, went for his cheek.

"Gar, look at me, please."

He finally turned his head and looked at her. Unspeakable sorrow was glowing in his green eyes.

"I'm sorry, Rae. I… can't. I just can't do it. I've… failed you. I'm sorry."

"I know. That is who you are. And that is why I love you."

She pulled his head down gently and kissed him.

"Let's go, Gar. We'll find another way."

A tiny spark of hope shone deep in the green depths.

"You… promise?"

"I promise."


	4. Gather My Saints Together Unto Me

**4\. Gather My Saints Together Unto Me**

Cyborg frowned as he probed Changeling's hand gently.

"You sure it doesn't hurt?"

"Nah. Just itches like hell."

He pressed the metallic fingers over the bones, the pressure receptors tuned to highest sensitivity. He shook his head, dropped Changeling's hand, got up and prepared the X-rays.

"The bones feel OK, but I still want to look inside" he explained. In a few minutes, he was studying the images of Garfield's almost-healed hand incredulously.

"I know your morphing DNA makes you recover a lot quicker, but this is… uncanny. You're almost healed. You don't need the cast any more, the bones have fused correctly. Look, you can't even find a scar!" he said as he pointed out the differences to Changeling, showing the X-rays from the broken hand beside the recent ones.

He was still looking in amazement at the X-rays when he felt Changeling's hand grip his arm, almost hard enough to make the titanium alloy armor buckle. He lifted his gaze to Changeling's eyes in surprise. They were shining with a feral glow, despair fighting with hope.

"Can I… can she receive my transfusion?"

Cyborg dropped his gaze to Garfield's hand still clutching his arm, slid it to the X-rays, then lifted it painfully to meet his friend's eyes again.

"You're not her group, Gar" he said hoarsely. "She can't take your blood."

"Then I'll _change it!_ " Garfield said fiercely, his grip tightening. "I can morph myself into any animal I wish! Changing the type of my blood should be child's play for me!"

"Out of the question! It would screw up your entire immune system! What you're talking about is just a novel way of shooting yourself in the head!"

" _I don't care!_ " Changeling shouted. "Whatever's the price to pay, I'll do it!"

Cyborg tore his arm away from Changeling's grasp, then gripped his shoulders hard, glaring into his eyes.

"Listen to me, bro. Even if it works, even if you are prepared to pay the price, do you think she is?"

Changeling stared at him in defiance, then his gaze dropped as he understood what his friend was saying.

"We have to do _something,_ Victor!"

"We do. But not by making it even worse."

They sat for a few moments in silence. Changeling suddenly looked up.

"If I change it only for a while… a couple of minutes, enough for you to pump out a pint, then I change it back?"

Cyborg's brow furrowed. "I don't like it, but it may work. As long as we keep it short and we don't repeat it often…"

"Good. Get everything ready, we're starting now."

Cyborg looked at him incredulously. "Wait a second, how do you know how to change your blood? Do you even have an idea of what blood group she is?"

Changeling smiled grimly. "I don't need to know. I smelled and tasted her blood, remember?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I can transform my blood into hers. Just as it was… before."

"But if you transform your blood into hers, will it keep the regenerating properties?"

"No. He would not survive it" a cold voice came from the door.

They both whirled to see a stooped Raven limping in, her hood over her head.

"You're not demonspawn, Garfield. It would burn you inside out in a few seconds."

Changeling got up quickly and moved over to her, placing his arm around her waist, letting her lean on him. She hobbled over to a chair and sat down on it, Garfield hovering beside her, his hand resting lightly on her shoulder. She placed her hand on his, then looked up at him and gave him a grateful, affectionate smile.

She looked away; her smile turned brittle and shattered. "It wouldn't work in any case" she said to both of them and to no one in particular. "Garfield's regenerative capabilities are tied to his own DNA and morphing cellular structure. It wouldn't do anything for me, or for anyone else."

"So we're back to square one" Cyborg scowled.

"We are" she said dryly, then looked at him. "Can you give us a few minutes, Victor? I need to talk to Gar."

He nodded and rose. "I'll make us some lunch. When y'all are finished, I'll be waiting in the Ops room."

They followed him with their eyes as he left the infirmary. As the door closed, Raven looked up at Changeling.

"Sit down, please. I need to ask you something."

He sat on the infirmary bed, facing her. His hands were clasped before him, his legs dangling over the edge of the bed. There was a slight frown on his face, as if he was expecting bad news. He looked so much like the old, childish, innocent Garfield… She dismissed the pain that stabbed into her gut and sighed.

Her right hand clasped the unfeeling clump that was her left hand. She looked at him, but had to drop her gaze immediately.

"What I have to tell you is that I'm… sorry. To ask you to… forgive me."

"What's there to forgive?"

"A while ago I told you I… trusted you. More than anyone." Her voice was descending to a hoarse whisper. Her throat tightened, the words jamming in it, bundling up, mixing and churning, threatening to burst out in an unintelligible flood of remorse. Her hand squeezed and she breathed deeply.

"I… failed you. I did not trust you. I thought you would… not…"

He got up from the infirmary bed in a swift, silent motion and came closer, crouching to level his eyes with hers. She could not bear his gaze, trying first to look down, then closing her eye when his hand gently cupped her chin and lifted it, begging her to return the look he was giving her. But she was tainted, soiled, she did not deserve it… She did not deserve _him._

"Look at me."

It was hard, harder than anything she'd ever done before, but she poured her entire being into it and slowly opened her eye to look at him. His eyes were deep, and concerned, and affectionate. His hands touched her shoulders gently, then slid down to take her wrists and help her up. His arms went around her and she leaned into him, needing his support.

"Shhhh. It's all right, Rae. That was your father speaking."

She shivered as the anguish and self-loathing began to leave her.

"I kn – know. But it's still true."

* * *

After lunch Garfield led Raven back to her room and helped her into bed. Her body was seriously weakened by the wound and the intense emotions that she's been subjected to exhausted her quickly. He sat on the bed beside her, his fingers going through her hair, sliding to caress her face, stopping over her lips. He bent over and touched his lips to hers. Her hand took hold of his uniform and pulled him closer.

He kissed her gently again. "Sleep. Rest. You're tired."

She nodded, but her hand would not let go. She willed her fist to open, her arm to relax, but they wouldn't listen.

"I just need to go and do a couple of things. I promise I'll return quickly and be with you."

"I… Just stay until I fall asleep. Please?"

"Of course, love."

He sat silently beside her until her breathing slowed down and her hand released him. He rose slowly and silently. The fingers on her hand twitched and a soft whine escaped her lips, but she didn't wake.

His heart tearing itself apart, he left her room soundlessly and walked to meet Cyborg.

"You're sure you have reviewed every single possibility that you could think of, Chrome Dome?"

Cyborg looked up at his friend, slightly surprised at his tone. He was expecting anguish, even rage, but there was none of it. Only a stone-hard determination that could be seen in the set of his jaw and the thin line of his lips.

"I am. And so is she. As far as standard medicine is concerned, nothing can be done."

The corners of Garfield's mouth curled slightly upwards, but there was no mirth in his eyes.

"Then it's time to look for other options."

* * *

The woman looking at them from the large screen had her arms folded across her chest, her face frowning. Her voice was cold and hard as she replied.

"I can't help you."

Cyborg ground his teeth in frustration. He was about to lash out sharply when he felt Changeling's hand on his shoulder.

"Can't or won't, Zatanna?" Changeling asked in a mild voice, standing beside Cyborg, holding a cup of tea in his other hand and taking a small sip from it, as if they were discussing the weather.

She glared at him. "I won't."

He nodded slowly, keeping his emotions in an iron grip. "I know you have… issues… with Raven. But it's been what, eight years?"

Her eyes flashed dangerously. "She is a menace, Changeling, and you know that! She is a demon! A conduit for her father! It's only a question of time –"

"How _much_ time?" he snarled softly, a savage green gleam appearing deep in his eyes. They had the look of a panther getting ready to pounce. "How much more does she have to do to prove herself to you and the others? How many years, how much blood, how much _sacrifice?_ "

" _I will not help her!_ " Zatanna shouted, angered. "I will not put billions of lives in danger just to save one!"

Changeling leaned towards the screen, his voice still calm and soft, but his eyes shining with a deadly green fire. The fingers around the teacup curled and tightened, the knuckles whitening.

"Is it all an equation to you? Would you try to save Humanity by trampling everything that makes us human underfoot? Funny, that's a line I've heard many times from assorted villains."

Zatanna paled, then her face went red as her rage poured out.

"I don't need lessons in what's it to be human from a beast and a demon!" she shouted, shaking with fury. "The sooner she goes away and takes her taint with her, the better!"

The cup in Garfield's hand imploded, tea and shards of ceramic bursting out. Without a word, he turned and left the room.

Cyborg looked after his friend with concern, then turned to the screen, his human eye glowing with pity.

"You know, I just hope you never find yourself in a situation where your life will depend on him."

Still furious, she sneered at him. "Why, because he'd let me die?"

"No" Cyborg said softly. "Because he would do everything in his power to save you."

* * *

"Hey, Jinxie" Garfield said with a wan smile as he saw Jinx's face on the screen.

Her eternal smirk turned into a large grin. "Gar! Now this is a surprise! What makes you – hang on a second, willya?" she said, turned her head and shouted. "Wally! Get your ass over here! It's Gar!"

Wally appeared as if from thin air, grinning at the screen. "Hey, it's my favorite green buddy! Whassup, Gar?"

"We found her."

Kid Flash and Jinx stared at him, then looked at each other.

"How fast can you get us there, hon?" Jinx asked.

"Fifteen minutes."

"Slowing down with age?" Garfield allowed himself a smile.

"Nah. We need to grab a couple of things first, change our clothes, y'know."

"Shut up, Wally!" Jinx said, detecting that something was not right. "How is she?"

Changeling swallowed, trying to hold himself together. "She's… not well, Jinxie. She needs us. All of us."

Jinx opened her mouth to ask, then thought better of it. "We'll be there." The screen went blank.

Cyborg's hand landed on his shoulder.

"You see, Evergreen? She does have friends. Good friends."

Changeling just nodded, his throat too tight to speak. He typed in another set of numbers into the console and waited for the connection.

The face that appeared on screen had full-green, iris-less, pupil-less, but strangely expressive eyes.

"Garfield Markovitch? This is surprise, but good one. How are you?"

"I'm good, Leo. I hope you are, too."

A small frown creased Red Star's brows. "I call you many times, my friend. You never answer. Is something happening?"

"We found her, Leo."

"Found…? Just one minute" Leonid said, looking to the side for a few moments, then turned back to look at Garfield. "I will be there in twenty hours. I am sorry that I cannot be there faster."

"I know. Even the fastest jet needs time to get here. But before you leave, I have a request."

"I am listening."

"She has been… wounded. I will send all the information on her medical state right now" he said, punching several keys and sending the file with the documentation over. "I need you to consult with the best medics you know about what can be done."

"It shall be so, my friend." His eyes scanned quickly through the file he just received, narrowing, a dangerous, reddish light appearing in them. "I trust you have dealt with whoever is responsible?"

"She dealt with him herself, Leo. Now we need to help her."

Leonid nodded curtly. "I will be there." The communication was cut off.

Garfield breathed deeply. He had left the hardest for last.

"Y'all wanna rest, lil' buddy?"

"No. I'll be fine. Can you patch me through?"

"Will do."

The static on the screen took on a strange pattern as it switched to the FTL communications system. Soon the static cleared and Starfire's face appeared on it, the M-shaped crown holding her mane of flaming hair back.

"Hi, Kori."

"Friend Changeling! It is so nice of you to make the call!"

He sighed. "It's not a social call."

A small eyebrow went up. "What is the occurrence that is happening?"

"Raven's back."

The joy in Starfire's voice and face was evident even through the low-res FTL connection on the screen. She clapped her hands and shouted "Glorious! May I do the talking to her?"

"She's resting now. But that's not the reason I called."

She frowned, suddenly concerned. "Is friend Raven well?"

"She is not, Star. I need you – your help."

Starfire's gaze became fully focused; her hands clasped each other, her voice softened and filled with worry. "Of course I shall try to be of the assistance. What is the necessity that you have?"

"I'm sending you a file with her medical status. I need you to check with the best healers on your planet and see what can be done."

Starfire glanced at the file, silent for a few moments.

"None on my planet have knowledge of the human anatomy and physiology, friend Changeling. But we shall do our utmost."

"Thank you, Star. I also wanted to ask you –"

"I shall be there in three of the days. It is the fastest that a ship can take me."

He could almost hear the enormous weight that pressed on his chest roll away and crash into oblivion. "Thanks" he managed to say. "We'll be waiting."

He turned off the screen and fell back into the couch, closing his eyes. A deep sigh tore itself out of him.

"That leaves us one more" Cyborg commented.

"I know" he said, not moving and not opening his eyes. "I'm going after him tonight."

Cyborg studied his friend's face.

 _It's changed. The lines of loss and despair are gone, but there are others… Concern, and deep fear. But there is no doubt. There is no indecision._

He chuckled to himself. _Maybe I should learn from him for a change._

Changeling finally opened his eyes and rose from the couch, glancing at Cyborg.

"If you need me, you know where I'll be."

Cyborg nodded and watched him leave for Raven's room.


	5. For Old Time's Sake

**5\. For Old Time's Sake**

The night was pleasantly cool after the heat of the day, full of well-known scents and familiar, whisper-quiet sounds. The large green owl glided over the starry sky, its soft feathers cleaving the air soundlessly, its large eyes darting around, seeking, probing, searching.

The ugliest city in the world can be beautiful at night, when the darkness covers the filth and squalor and the lights shine from below like a Christmas tree, multicolored, some blinking, some moving, some permanent. Even the sounds and smells were subdued; a cool breeze would blow away the stench of smoke and refuse and despair, bringing in the fresh tang of the ocean, renewing both air and hope; the sounds muted and less defined, listening to them like looking through a mist.

His eyes caught something. A commotion in an alley… He swooped down, senses alert, body tingling with barely suppressed anxiety, only to feel the almost metallic taste of disappointment again. Just another drunken brawl. He flew silently over, making sure there were no knives or broken bottles involved, then soared up to resume his search.

Landing on the roof of an apartment building, he transformed into a panther for a few seconds, sniffing the dark air, ears twitching while listening to the muted sounds of the night. He switched into his human form and pulled the communicator from his pocket.

"Any news, Bolt Bucket?"

"Nothin' yet, Greenbean. Quiet night so far."

"Just when I don't need one!" he grumbled, closing the communicator and putting it back in his pocket.

He scanned the streets below him, his brow creased in a concerned frown.

 _Not that I expected to run into him right away. He can make himself very difficult to find if he wants to._

Allowing his frustration to get the better of him, he pulled the communicator out of his pocket again, flipped it open and barked into it.

"C'mon, Dick! Answer, for cryin' out loud! It's important! D'you think I'd be calling you just to say hello?"

Static hissed softly back at him. He closed the device angrily and put it back.

 _His communicator's probably off. Maybe he's not even carrying it any more. It's languishing somewhere in a drawer, together with the few bits and pieces he took with himself when he left._

His frown deepened. His nervous fingers played with the wedding ring on his other hand, twisting and turning it, sliding it up and down.

 _It's one of the few things I remember from that time. One of the few sensations I felt. Pain, loss, defeat… It almost made me snap out of my… indifference._

 _Only a small cardboard box of private things after so many years of life together. That's all he took. That's all he had._

He sighed, struggling to fight off the melancholy, but it had been part of him for so long now that he almost forgot how. His hands closed into fists as he tried to awaken anger in himself.

 _You don't measure these things by how many cardboard boxes you take with you. He had much more. He threw it all away. Why?_

He felt the wistful tendrils embrace him again.

 _What was there for him? Kori was gone, and he was left… alone. I guess I could've understood him, guided him through his pain and sorrow, helped him find a way out. But I was too wrapped up in my own denial to realize it._

He sighed deeply again. His fingers started playing with the ring again.

 _Rae, my love, I wonder if you ever understood how much you meant to all of us. How much your silent, subdued, calm, but fierce and unwavering friendship bound us all to you – and to each other. It may be that getting a smile to appear on your face was my own, personal Holy Grail, but that doesn't mean the others weren't overjoyed to see it the few times that I succeeded._

His frown cleared as he thought of her. His mind went back over what happened only a few hours ago.

* * *

"Rae?" he whispered softly as he entered her room.

A single violet eye shone at him from the bed, a pale, delicate hand lifting towards him, the fingers stretched, almost groping for him. He walked over, laid beside her half-upright on the bunched-up pillows and allowed her arm to wrap itself around him and her head to rest on his chest.

He let her nestle in his embrace, feeling her relax immediately as soon as he touched her, hearing her breathing calm down and her scent lose the note of apprehension she felt rising in her whenever he wasn't around. It was ecstatic and soothing, arousing and calming, joyful and agonizing. It was all his feelings rolled together and lit up, then buried into his chest to burn his heart until it was cold ash.

"Gar…"

His arms curled around her tightly.

"Promise me one thing."

He looked down at her.

"No. Wherever you go, I'll follow."

"Gar, please…"

"Hush."

He felt wetness on his chest. He kissed the top of her head and hummed softly to her.

"Someone's here to see you" he whispered.

She looked up. A spark of anger coursed through her and flared in her eye and her voice.

"You know I don't want anyone to see me like this!"

He chuckled at her. "I see I should keep angering you. It brings back who you used to be."

Her arm clutched him, her eye flashing dangerously. "You want to bring back my rage? My hatred? You want to bring back _him?_ "

He kissed the top of her head again and looked down into her furious eye. He smiled, brushing away her anger. "I want to bring back you. I want to bring back the girl that walked the edge of the abyss unafraid, trusting the love and kindness in her heart; the one that had the strength and courage to fight off her father's influence all her life, the one that managed for years to keep her soul clean of his taint. I want to get you back on your feet, back on that razor's edge where you were all your life. I want you to look over that edge and see the sun rise in the morning, the new day bringing new hope. I want to bring my Raven back. I want _you._ "

The anger in her eye died down and she pressed her face into his chest again.

"Do you think she's… still there?"

"I know she is. I know you are."

She sighed and lowered her head. His hand traced the scar, the fingers touching lightly it until they reached her chin, pulling it up gently until she looked at him again.

"Let's not keep Jinx waiting."

* * *

The sounds of sirens wrenched him out of his remembrance. Blue lights flashed, converging to one spot. He shrunk into an owl and flew up, his eyes following the police cruisers.

He reached the bank at the same time as the cops. The criminals were already bagged up in nets hanging from the streetlights, as if a giant spider had wrapped them and left them there for a late night snack. He chuckled and looked around.

He unfurled his wings and soared up, following a shadow swinging over to a roof. Nightwing was difficult to track, his dark uniform losing itself in the murkiness, his movements quick and precise yet flowing and stealthy. He overtook him and flared his wings as he landed a few feet in front of him. Surprised, Nightwing tensed into a defensive posture and then relaxed as his eyes recognized the coloring of the bird landing in front of him. Garfield resumed his shape.

Nightwing frowned at him. "What is it?"

Changeling cocked his head to the side, as if surprised by the rudeness.

"Good evening to you, too."

"If I wanted to chit-chat with any of you, I would pay you a visit" Nightwing said coldly, replacing his weapons back into his utility belt. "I'm busy, if you don't mind."

"I do mind."

Nightwing's eyes narrowed, but he remained silent, waiting for Changeling to speak.

"I need you back at the Tower" Changeling said matter-of-factly.

"Still the jokester, I see" Nightwing snorted, then pulled out the grapple gun and pointed it at a distant roof. "See ya around, I guess."

Garfield gripped his arm, staring into his mask.

"She's back."

The grapple gun went down slowly. A few seconds of silence passed.

"Don't lie to me!" Nightwing hissed between his teeth, lifting the grapple gun again. "She's gone. I can't feel her any more. You're lying, trying to get me to go back to the Tower, to convince me to join you again."

Changeling swept the arm with the grapple aside and moved to stand in front of him. "I'm not lying. She needs you, Richard. Please."

Nightwing pushed him back in disgust, his voice hard and cold. "I thought you loved her, Gar. I thought you, of all people, would have respect for her memory. I see I was wrong. Let me go."

Not even Nightwing's lightning reflexes could have detected, let alone blocked or avoided the backhand slap that exploded on his face. He staggered back, lifting his hand to his stinging cheek, staring in amazement at the maddened Changeling. His mouth was twisted in a snarl of rage, the fangs protruding dangerously, the hands bent into claws, the pupils two small black dots in an ocean of green fury.

Richard's hand removed his staff and let it spring into its full six-foot length, but Garfield's anger was ebbing away already.

"I'm… sorry" Changeling said, the words forced out of a slowly relaxing throat. "But you shouldn't have said that. Self-control was always her thing, not mine."

The staff collapsed and went back into the belt.

"If she's… If what you say is true, how is it that I can't feel her?"

"Long story. Now follow me and let's get you to the Tower."

"I'm not going back there, Gar."

Changeling looked at Nightwing coldly. "You are. Of your own free will, or against it."

Nightwing's eyes narrowed again. "What's going on? What are you not telling me?"

"I told you, it's a long story. Vic will fill you in. Please."

His hand gripped Nightwing's arm again, tried to pull him away. He resisted.

"Wait. Is Kori there?"

"She's coming back from Tamaran. She'll be here in a couple of days."

Nightwing tensed, his feet planting themselves firmly onto the concrete surface of the roof. "I'm not going."

Garfield fought back with difficulty another surge of anger. He glared at Nightwing, trying to keep his voice calm and reasonable.

"I need you, dude. Raven needs you. After me, you were the closest one to her, even more than Victor. You were her friend, her brother. You know that. Doesn't that mean anything to you any more?"

Richard's gaze dropped. "I can't face Kori. I can't… afford to see her again."

Changeling's eyes widened in understanding.

"It wasn't Raven" he breathed, his voice soft, almost disbelieving himself. "It was you. All this time I thought that we broke up because of Rae, but it was you! I was… I was so wrapped up in my dreamworld that I didn't realize it!"

He stared at the suddenly silent, motionless Nightwing. He took a small step closer and leaned forward, into Richard's face.

"You were so scared… so _terrified_ by what happened, by the way it affected me, that you pushed her away. You were the one that made her give up and go to Tamaran. You couldn't bear the idea of Kori getting hurt, and you had me as a daily reminder of the agony you would have to go through if anything ever happened to her. You were… a coward."

Nightwing remained silent and motionless, except for his fists that were clenching and unclenching slowly. The eyes behind the mask were unreadable, the face an expressionless carving in hard rock.

Garfield passed a hand over his brow, pulling back. "Sorry, Dick. I shouldn't have said that. It's not true, I'm just… worried about her. I'm sorry, please, don't get angry at me. Don't let Rae pay for my mistake. Please."

"Tell me what's wrong" Nightwing said in a flat, tight voice.

"I… prefer Vic to tell you when we get there."

Nightwing stepped closer and gripped his shoulder.

"What is it, Gar?"

He looked down, trying to keep his voice emotionless. His jaw muscles hurt, his throat was closed, his breath labored as if he had run a hundred miles. His hands shook. He bunched his fists, trying to control it.

"She's... not well. Vic says she's got… less than a year left."

He felt Nightwing's breath catch, the hand on Changeling's shoulder now squeezing it painfully. Richard's grip slowly relaxed and he spoke.

"Sorry, Gar. Didn't know it was that – it was so important. I'll be there."

"Thanks" he whispered. They both lifted their heads, startled, as a soft but insistent buzzing came from Garfield's communicator and a device on Nightwing's belt. They studied the incoming information, frowning.

"Overload" Nightwing groaned. "Why now?"

Suddenly Changeling grinned at him. "Need a temporary sidekick?"

Nightwing grinned back. "For old time's sake?"

Changeling nodded. "For old time's sake."

Nightwing's grin widened and he clapped Changeling on the back. "Titans, go!" he said softly as they ran off together to meet their opponent.


	6. The End of the Beginning

**6\. The End of the Beginning**

"Nothing serious" Cyborg said without being able to keep a note of concern from his voice as he carefully bandaged Changeling's back. "Some second and third-degree burns, but only superficial. You'll probably have some scarring left, though." He frowned as he said it, his mentioning of scars immediately reminding him of what he did not want to think about. Of what he _had_ to think about. "You two could've called the rest of us, y'know" he continued gruffly, trying to smother the feeling.

"It was just Overload" Changeling grumbled, his mind elsewhere. "I had to keep him busy while Dick threw a grounded net over him."

"Y'all look like you've been 'keeping him busy' by having him break out the barbecue" Cyborg growled back, finishing his bandaging.

Changeling grinned at his friend, lifting his right hand and rotating it, opening and closing the fist. "It'll heal, Rust Brain. Just like this."

Cyborg's hand grasped his shoulder, his voice still quiet but with an obvious note of anger in it. "An electric bolt could've stopped your heart, Grass Stain!"

Garfield looked away. "There ain't much left to stop" he whispered almost inaudibly.

Cyborg's audio receptors were sensitive. The hand on Changeling's shoulder tightened its grip to a painful level as he snarled his response. "You may not care about yourself any more, but do you have any idea what it would do to _her?_ "

Changeling paled, then blood rushed to his face. "I morphed into a dinosaur! It would take a lot more juice than a bolt from Overload to kill me!"

Cyborg fought down the desire to shout at him. He forced his voice and his words to be calm and reasonable. "You're two years behind in training, Greenbean. Don't take unnecessary chances. Please."

Shame ate at Changeling. He knew he screwed up, but an unreasoning rage still had him in its grip. It was unfair, they had given so much, sacrificed so much… He took a deep breath and buried it all deep into himself. It would not help, not now.

"I know. I know why I did it, also" he finally said, looking at Cyborg. "It took me back, like it was before, when we fought together. When we were all… when she was…"

"The past is gone, Gar. We need to think of the future" Cyborg said softly.

Garfield nodded, unable to speak. He rose, put on his Doom Patrol uniform, touched Cyborg's shoulder with a grateful hand and left the infirmary silently. He didn't see Cyborg's wistful smile that followed him as he walked out, or hear his voiceless sigh.

"Like before…"

* * *

 _It was like before._

He felt his eyes behind the mask sting.

 _We worked perfectly together,_ he thought. _All that training and all those years that we fought side by side, they can't be just swept away. He knew exactly what I was going to do, I knew exactly how he was going to act._

He sighed deeply.

 _And then he just had to go for a stupid, childish stunt. Just like he always did. Just like before._

He remembered the mixture of concern and – shamefully – _gladness_ that he felt when Garfield morphed into a green triceratops, only to receive Overload's bolt, keeping the monster's attention on him and allowing Nightwing to cover it with superconductive, grounded netting that sucked out all of its electricity. He remembered how he had already opened his mouth to chew Gar out for his carelessness, just as the painful _familiarity_ of the situation fell on him like a ton of bricks, leaving him standing there, motionless, mute.

He ran his fingers through his hair.

 _Was I really a coward? I thought I was sacrificing myself for Kori's sake, but was I? Was I really trying to spare her the pain or was I just running away from my own fear, too scared to face it? Is Garfield right?_

He stood up and walked around the Ops room, his fingers touching the furniture and equipment, trailing alongside it, feeling the well-known contours again, knowing every bend and nick.

The door hissed open, letting Changeling in. He greeted Nightwing with a grin.

"Hey. Sorry to keep ya waiting."

"No problems. What does Cy say of your burn?"

Changeling's grin widened. "He reamed me out for being careless and bandaged it. No big deal. His words hurt more than Overload's bolt."

Nightwing chuckled. "Still your Big Bro, isn't he?"

Garfield's eyes clouded and the grin dropped off his face. "I wouldn't be standing here if it wasn't for him" he said quietly. "He… held me together."

Richard was thankful that he had his mask on. _That was my job,_ the thought seared though him. He wondered if Garfield implied the rebuke intentionally.

 _Probably not,_ he mused. _I'm just good at blaming myself, seeing things that others don't._

"Y'know, I kinda expected you to give me a good dressing-down. Like you used to" Changeling said, his grin appearing shyly again, still apparently unaware of the effect his words had on their once leader.

He cleared his throat, seeing that Nightwing was not replying. "I'm gonna go check how Rae's doing. Vic will bring you the files, so you'll know what to expect" he continued, his face darkening into a frown again. "I'll bring her over in an hour or so."

Nightwing nodded and grunted. Changeling left the Ops room, barely glancing at him, consumed by his renewed concern for Raven.

 _He certainly didn't mean any of that as an accusation,_ Nightwing thought. _But I couldn't help feeling them as such. I was their leader, after all. It was my responsibility._

His jaw set. He pushed the anguish from his mind.

 _I have a job to do. No more moping, no more running away._

* * *

She was sitting up, propped on the pillows, clutching the big, ugly felt chicken close to her. He went over and sat beside her, taking the toy and putting it down beside the bed.

"Do you have to leave for so long?" she whispered as he wrapped her arm around him and put her head on his chest. "I'm… I don't like it when you're not around."

"Is my terrible half-demon so afraid to be alone?" he said teasingly, glad to see a spark of red flash in her eye.

She saw his smile and relaxed, her anger evaporating as she understood what he was doing. She gave him an affectionate smile and shifted a bit to embrace him better, allowing herself to feel happiness for the first time since… an eternity.

He held her close and buried his face in her hair.

"It tears my heart out when I leave you" he confessed, his voice muffled. "But I have to do it." He gazed at her as she lifted her head to look at him. "I brought Richard."

She lowered her head on his chest again. "Please, Gar, I don't –"

"I know. But they're our friends, and they care as little as I do about how you look."

She gripped him tighter, silent.

He lowered his head, his lips brushing against her forehead, over the jewel. She shivered. His hand pulled her chin up.

The touch of his lips was gentle, hesitant, almost afraid. She wanted to pull back, but she was not able to. His lips pressed a little harder on hers, his breath smelling of almonds and berries. Her eye closed, her other senses sharpening unbearably, the accelerating thumping of his heart deafening her, the warmth of his body so close burning her, his wild, animalistic scent around her, the electrifying but strangely comforting feeling of his lips on hers…

Her mind slowly blanked out, releasing the grip it had on the world, uncaring for anything except to feel the touch of his lips, the gentle probing of his tongue, the slight scrape of his fang, the soft caresses of his hands. She felt the waves close over her head, just like so many times before, as she let herself drown in his love, forgetting about everything else, focusing only on feeling him and listening to him and touching him –

 _You were always just a common slut, dear daughter._

Her eye flew open and she gasped, pulling back, ashamed, terrified of what she almost did.

Her hand tried to push him away as she clawed and fought, desperate to get out of his embrace. His arms tightened around her. He could see and smell and hear what was happening to her and he spoke to her gently, calming her fears, soothing her turmoil.

"It's all right. It's OK. That's your father speaking. Don't listen to him. I love you. Don't worry. I love you. I won't let go. Stay. Be with me. I love you."

Her panic subsided and she relaxed slowly, the crooning drone of his voice and his gentle fingers going through her hair making her fear ebb and her shame return to where it was buried. Her breathing slowed down and she sighed deeply. Her eye felt moist.

"I'm sorry" she said quietly.

"No, it's my fault. I shouldn't have…"

She put a finger to his lips.

"I may have destroyed him" she said, the pain in her voice making him wince. "But his influence is in me. He has… sullied me, tarnished me. It will take some time to cleanse his filth from my soul."

The unspoken words burned between them.

 _Time that we do not have._

Forcing herself to ignore it, she gave him a quick kiss and nestled closer in his arms.

"Just hold me for a while and then let's go meet Richard."

* * *

Raven felt tired. Her ravaged body could not keep up with the demands her mind and soul were placing on it, but she forced herself to sit and listen through yet another séance of fruitless searching for options. She shot down all of Nightwing's suggestions with a feeling of almost perverse satisfaction. She realized that it was again the influence of her father that made her react so and tried hard to push it away from her mind, trying to focus on the good side, seeing her friends gathered around her, doing their best to help her. A sense of peace finally crept in, but it also brought exhaustion.

Both Nightwing and Changeling sensed it. They looked at each other and exchanged nods.

"I'll take Rae to her room" Garfield said. He scooped his wife in his arms and carried her out of the Ops room. Four pairs of eyes watched them leave.

"It's late. Let's call it a night, Wally" Jinx said, getting up and offering her hand to Kid Flash. He grinned at her and took it, springing up from the couch.

"Now y'all just keep it quiet, willya?" Cyborg drawled, a smile appearing on his face. Jinx sent him one of her trademark smirks, turned and left the room with Wally in tow.

"Those two…" Nightwing chuckled.

"Worse than Gar and Rae?" Cyborg asked quietly, looking through the panoramic window. He turned his gaze to Nightwing, his eye calm, his face expressionless. "Worse than you and Kori?"

Richard's hand went to his face, peeling off the mask, crumpling it between his fingers as his fist clenched. Cyborg watched him, silent.

"Gar said she was coming" he said hoarsely. It was both a statement and a question.

"Late tomorrow or early the day after that" Cyborg answered neutrally. Nightwing smiled painfully, understanding. His friend could not decide if he wanted to comfort him or shout angrily at him. He lifted his eyes and met Cyborg's gaze.

"Thank you."

Cyborg shrugged. "What for?"

"For doing my job."

Cyborg looked out of the window again. "Someone had to."

He squeezed his eye shut. He didn't want to rub it in, but it tumbled out of his mouth before he was even aware of it. He opened his eye again and looked at Nightwing.

"I didn't turn out to be so good at it."

Richard shook his head. "Not much you could've done" he said to the floor. "I didn't leave you with too many options."

"True. But still…"

Nightwing smiled and looked up. "You kept Gar alive."

"He's my lil' buddy."

Cyborg continued looking through the window. Nightwing looked down again. Cyborg's head lifted and he looked at the ceiling, as if listening to something. He stepped over to the console and typed a set of commands into it.

"Leo's here."

Nightwing frowned, in spite of himself. Cyborg saw it. He strode over and bent to bring his face closer to Nightwing's, his voice hissing softly through his teeth.

"He's here because of Raven. He's her friend. I don't give a damn if you're jealous of him or not. If you start a fight with him, I'll finish it. Is that clear?"

Richard's brows went up. "Do you really think I'd do something like that to Rae?"

"I don't know what you would or wouldn't do any more, Richard" Cyborg said coldly, but he pulled back and his glare softened. "Just don't do anything stupid."

Nightwing snorted, then sighed. "I think I used up my entire lifetime allowance of stupidity."

Cyborg's huge hand went for his shoulder and squeezed it. The elevator dinged quietly. They turned to the door.

It sighed softly open and Red Star's large frame pushed through. He strode straight for Cyborg, embraced him in a bear hug – he was only an inch or so shorter than the half-robotic giant – and kissed both his cheeks soundly.

"Victor Silassovitch! It is good to see you, my friend!"

"Ugh!" Cyborg said with revulsion, trying to wipe his cheeks. "Do you have to do that every time?"

Red Star chuckled. "You Americans and your strange customs! I am not… what is word? Hitting on you? Just greeting you warmly, like two friends should!"

"Yeah, well, next time keep it down to a handshake, willya?"

With another chuckle, Red Star turned to Nightwing. "Richard Ivanovitch! I am glad to see you!" he offered Richard his hand.

Nightwing fought off a twinge of unease and allowed himself a warm smile, grasping Leonid's hand in a strong grip. "Good to see you too, Leo! How was your trip?"

"Long and anxious" the Russian said as he walked to the couch and lowered himself on it. "But I am not here to talk of me. How is Raven?"

"Unchanged" Cyborg said, his voice flat. "Do you have any news?"

Red Star sighed deeply. "None good. My people are still looking at files Garfield Markovitch sent, but so far they all agree that there is nothing that can be done."

"Tell them to keep looking."

A smile appeared on Red Star's face, but his brows came together. "I did that already."

"I'm sorry, Leo" Cyborg said, looking away. "I didn't mean –"

Red Star waved his apology away. "No need to say sorry. We are all on edge."

"We are. Maybe we should all get some rest."

"That is good idea. Where is my room?"

"It's the same you used last time. I'll take you" he said and rose. Red Star got up, nodded to Nightwing and followed Cyborg out of the Ops room.

Nightwing remained sitting on the couch. He closed his eyes, tried to order and systematize his thoughts, to classify and pigeonhole his feelings, to break it all down, analyze it and rebuild it back.

It didn't work. It never did.

He shook his head to clear it, got up and went to his room.

* * *

Changeling had to sleep fully clothed, same as last night. Raven's hand grasped his uniform again, falling asleep in his arms while he carried her to her room, and he was unable to pry it open and release himself without forcing it and waking her up. He sighed softly, grinned into the darkness surrounding them and made himself comfortable beside her, kissing her forehead lightly. He soon drifted off to sleep himself.

Morning found them in much the same position, sleeping on their sides, his arms around her, her hand clutching at him. She was laying on her insensitive left side, so she suffered little discomfort, but she realized he would be having pins and needles all over from being in the same position for such a long time. The thought of her causing even such a minor unpleasantness to him was enough for her grip to relax, her fist to unclench, her hand to release him.

He didn't move, except to tighten his grip on her. Thinking quickly, she gently pushed his left side away and made him lie on his back while she pillowed her head on his shoulder and placed her hand on his chest, feeling the slow rhythm of his breathing and the beating of his heart. A deep satisfaction suffused her. She was able to return a tiny grain of care and loving for everything he did for her. It made her feel less… inadequate.

 _I don't deserve him. I don't deserve his love, nor the friendship of the others, nor their affection, compassion and care. I'm just… not good enough._

Suddenly her lips pressed into a thin line. Her eye glowed in anger and defiance.

 _Shut up, father. Go away. Leave me. Chew the dregs of your miserable existence by yourself. Suck the bitterness of your empty soul on your own. I will not join you. I will not be like you. Ever._

The feelings of weakness and insufficiency left her. She sighed softly, again able to feel the joy of having him close. It was a hard, heavy feeling, weighing on her soul, making her eye burn. She lifted her gaze without moving her head, looking at his face as he slept, trying to engrave it into her memory and never forget it. His heartbeat echoed in her mind, his warmth enveloping her. She felt tears slowly coursing down her face, but she sensed that a part of her father's taint was being washed away with them. It would take a lot of tears, a lot of pain, a lot of suffering to eradicate it completely, but it was a start. She remembered a famous quote from a famous man. It was quite fitting.

 _Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning._

She had hope again.

* * *

" _Sestrenka!_ I have missed you!" Leonid roared as he lifted her in his hands several feet in the air, like a toy. Garfield winced and stepped forward to restrain the large Russian, but he was suddenly struck by the realization that Leonid's actions were both genuine and premeditated. Red Star was unashamedly happy to see her, that was obvious from the tone of his voice, his breathing pattern and his scent. But he was not going to allow Raven's state and appearance to subdue that happiness. It would only remind Raven of it, and make her conscious of it, and turn a joyful moment into an awkward and painful reunion.

 _Trust a Russian to know how to fight sorrow,_ he thought, smiling.

Red Star put Raven down finally, then gently removed her hood. Raven instinctively lowered her head, trying to hide the scar. He put a thick finger under her chin and pulled her head up.

"Do not hide it, _voronyonok._ It is badge of honor. Wear it with pride."

She frowned at him. "With pride? How –"

"Beauty is not on surface" he cut her off, still smiling at her. "Garfield Markovitch knows so. Your friends know so. I know so. Do not be only one to have problems with this concept."

Her eyes flashed. "How can you say that? I'm disfigured!" she said angrily.

His eyebrows went up. "You are? I do not seem to notice. I see soldier who was wounded in battle, but came out of it victorious. I see price of that victory on your face and your body. I see what everyone here sees, what only a _durak_ could not see. I see mark of resolve, and bravery, and sacrifice."

Raven snorted and rolled her eyes, waving her hand in disgust at Red Star. The smile dropped off his face and his arm lifted, intercepting her wrist, her small, delicate hand engulfed almost completely in the Russian's paw. A fierce frown formed on his face.

"I am soldier, _ptichka_. I have been in many battles. I have seen friends – good friends – being wounded. Being killed. Some have minor wounds, but they lose their courage and will to live. They wither and die soon. And others – blind, armless, legless – they fight. They snarl and spit into face of Destiny. They do not give up. Our lives, our loves, our friends; they are worth living for. They are worth fighting for. They are worth suffering for. Because world will be sadder place for those we leave behind when we are no more. _Ty ponimayesh'?_ "

She glared angrily at him and wrenched her hand from his grip, but made no move to put her hood back on. Garfield let out a deep breath and hid a grin. He looked around, noticing his friends reacting similarly. Cyborg turned around, his back to them, his shoulders shaking slightly. Jinx's smirk was turning into a grin, Wally was looking with extreme interest at the ceiling and Richard was trying unsuccessfully to keep a straight face, the corners of his mouth slowly curling up.

Raven noticed it also, and she pounced on the chance to direct her anger elsewhere, since Red Star appeared immune to it.

"Are you all finding this _funny?_ " she growled at them, her eye blazing. Changeling chuckled, then wrapped his arm around her shoulder.

"It is. We are used to you reaming us out. I don't recall anyone giving _you_ a well-deserved dressing-down."

"Well deserved?" she asked dangerously as her eye glowed white. "You allow yourself too much, Garfield!"

He just kept looking at her, the grin still on his face. The glow in her eye died down, the unscarred part of her mouth turning up, a chuckle shaking her shoulders.

"I guess it _was_ deserved" she admitted, then frowned again. "All right, you had your fun. Knock it off already!" she grumbled to everyone and limped to the couch, sitting down on it. Garfield sat beside her as their friends sat around them or went about their business in the Ops room. A new day began.

* * *

"I don't get it" Cyborg frowned. "Your back's healing fine, a lot faster than normal, but still far from the healing rate that your hand had. There was a lot less damage. I expected it to be almost fully healed by now."

"Wish I could help you, Rust Brain" Changeling said as he shifted to allow Cyborg better access while he changed the bandage. "I have no idea what makes me tick!"

"Maybe it depends on which form you're in when you receive the wound, or if and how many times you morphed after receiving it, or who knows what else. We should really look into it."

"Let's leave that on the back burner, Bolt Bucket. I have more important things to think about right now" he grumbled as he scratched under his wedding ring.

"How's the hand?"

"Still itches."

Cyborg gave him a strange look, his eyebrow raised. "That's your left hand that you're scratching."

Changeling looked in surprise at his hands. Cyborg was right. It was unimportant in any case. He shrugged, dismissing it. "Then I guess it's fine."

Cyborg grunted, smiled and mussed Changeling's hair. "Don't forget that we have to change those bandages tomorrow again."

Garfield nodded morosely and rose to leave. Cyborg grinned at him. "Can't stay away from her long? Don't blame you."

Changeling looked back at him. "I left her with Jinx. Listen, Vic. I don't want her to be alone even for a second. I want someone always to be with her if I'm not there."

"Good thinking. We'll set up some sort of shift system so she can always be with someone." He gave Changeling a piercing stare. "You plannin' on goin' somewhere?"

"Not if I can help it. But if anything pops up, I'll be all over it."

Cyborg grinned at him, then his face became serious. "Just take care of yourself if you do. Never forget that it would be less than worthless to her if her healing came at a… high price."

Changeling smiled, nodded and left the infirmary.

* * *

Even though Raven had rested a while in the afternoon, exhaustion was claiming her again. She fought the drowsiness, treasuring every moment she could spend with her friends. She didn't want to go to her room, not yet, not until she could still force her eye to remain open and her mind to understand what was said. She snuggled more comfortably in Garfield's arms, her eye going from one familiar face to the other, finding comfort and reassurance in the sight.

They all chatted quietly or watched an almost whispering TV. It was a subdued evening, much quieter than what was usual in the Tower. She realized it was for her sake, and the knowledge hurt a bit, but she resolutely rejected the insinuations of her father's influence and instead released herself to the happiness of knowing that her friends cared for her so much.

Cyborg got up and walked to the console, frowning at it and typing a set of commands. He grunted at the result and sauntered over to them, touched Raven's shoulder affectionately and whispered something in Garfield's ear. She could not hear what it was, but she could see Gar nodding his head, without changing the rhythm of his breathing. It was probably nothing.

Sleep crept over her as the nestled in his embrace, the feeling of safety and peace, of being loved and cared for filling her soul. She fought the fatigue yet for a few moments, but soon she lost the battle and her breathing became softer. Garfield noted it immediately and allowed her a few minutes more for sleep to strengthen its hold on her, then caught Jinx's eye and rose, carrying Raven's slight weight easily. Jinx gave Wally a quick kiss and followed Garfield to Raven's room.

After a quick whispered exchange, they laid Raven on her bed, with Jinx beside her to keep her company if the need arose. Changeling left the room and went straight for the Tower's roof. Once there he sat on the ledge, his feet dangling over the rim.

The sky was cloudless and the night calm. He looked up, searching for a specific star. It was easy to find, being the second brightest in the Northern sky, and it had been shown to him previously. He remembered it clearly. The constellation was Lyra and the star was called Alpha Lyrae, better known as Vega. Impossible to see from the Earth, several planets orbited the star, but he was interested only in one.

Tamaran.

He watched and waited, patient. It was quite a while before he could discern a small green star among all the others. He focused on it, nodding to himself in satisfaction as he noticed it slowly getting bigger and brighter. Knowing that it was still early, he continued to wait calmly.

Cyborg showed up on the roof and strode over to him. Garfield simply looked at him and pointed with his hand. Cyborg looked up, saw the green twinkle and smiled. He patted Garfield's shoulder and left the roof, leaving the changeling alone again.

The green star was quite bright now. He smiled to himself. His waiting was almost over.

After a few minutes, he stood up, his eyes never leaving the green star as it grew ever brighter. His face split into a happy, welcoming grin as the star finally resolved itself into a tall, fiery-haired girl with blazing green eyes that landed softly on the roof, her smile as radiant as the glow from her eyes.

"Hi, Kori. Thanks for –" he started saying, but she enveloped him in the hug whose power he remembered well, his ribs bending under the pressure, the air forced out of his lungs. He would be nursing some nasty bruises tomorrow. He didn't care.

He hugged her back as hard as he could. She still smelled of peaches and strawberries, and also of some Tamaranian fruit – zorkaberries? He could hear the excitement and gladness coursing through her, sense the joy and happiness that she always embodied, feel the boundless optimism and enthusiasm that saw them all through many dark times. It washed over him in an unstoppable tide, sweeping away all vestiges of his self-control, snapping the iron-hard grip that held his suffering as if it was a rotten twig, ripping open all the wrappings that kept his anguish drowned, chained and subdued. Tears filled his eyes and his head fell on her shoulder, sobs wracking his body and convulsing his chest, dragging out all the bitterness, sorrow and despair that had gathered inside him during the last two years.

She held him in her tight, viselike grip until it all went out, like pus from an infected wound. She didn't move, didn't speak, she just _was there_ , a pillar to lean on, a friend in need.

He pulled himself together, stammering "I… I'm sorry, Star, I…"

Her glowing green eyes held him in their gaze.

"You do not need to do the apologizing, friend Garfield. There is none of the shamefulness to have the concern for the one that you love. The greatest warrior must sometimes do the letting go of his sorrow and hurt."

He nodded and stepped back a bit, studying her with a smile. She was taller than he, just as tall as Nightwing.

"You look good" he told her as he noticed the changes on her face, lines of heavy responsibilities and sleepless nights, tiny creases of smothered sorrow and regret, jaw muscles bunched in resolve and hard determination.

"I give you much of the thanks for the words. How is friend Raven?"

"She is sleeping now. Her… state tires her quickly."

"It is understandable. Have you been getting enough of the rest?"

His smile widened. "Of course I have. As long as I am with her, I can sleep well."

Her smile was just as dazzling and joyful as he remembered. He felt a warm feeling in his chest and a lump in his throat. He coughed a bit to clear it, then offered her his arm.

"Let's go say hello to the others."


	7. There is Always Hope

**7\. There is Always Hope**

As Changeling and Starfire walked into the Ops room, they were met with a chorus of joyful greetings. Never one to hide or shy away from her emotions, Starfire indulged herself in bruising the ribs of everyone. Cyborg was certain he would later need to hammer out the imprint of her arms from his titanium armor.

And yet there was one person that she greeted only with a polite but cool nod, her usually expressive green eyes refusing this time to reveal the feelings beneath. Nightwing sighed.

For a few minutes they sat, bringing Starfire up to date with Raven's condition and what was being done. Her eyes glowed with sorrow when Garfield finished.

"I have to offer the apologies to you, friend Garfield" she said. "None of the healers on Tamaran knows of any way that can move friend Raven's condition towards the improvement. But we are still searching, and we shall not stop in that endeavor until there is any of the hope remaining."

Changeling put on a brave face for her sake and wrapped a grateful arm around her shoulder. "Thanks, Kori. I could hardly have wished – or hoped – for more."

His communicator buzzed. It was Jinx. A concerned frown appeared on his face.

"Hey, Jinxie, whassup?" he asked with a somewhat forced levity.

"She's awake, Gar, and she's apprehensive. I'm trying to calm her, but I don't think –"

"I am _not_ apprehensive! I'm fine! Don't bother Garfield with stupidities!" Raven's angry comment could be heard in the background.

"As I was saying…" Jinx's dry tone could be felt even through the communicator's modulation.

"I'm on my way" he said tersely and cut off the line, just as another one of Raven's protests was coming through. He got up from the couch and felt Starfire's hand on his arm. He looked down and met her gaze.

"I would like to go with you and meet friend Raven" she said. "I have the understanding that it may not be a moment of the appropriateness, and I do not wish to be of the burden, but I –"

Garfield smiled at her and waved her concern away with a dismissive hand.

"You could never be a burden, Kori. I should have asked you myself. Raven will be more than glad to see you."

"Glorious!" Starfire whispered fiercely and followed Changeling to Raven's room.

* * *

Jinx was waiting outside of Raven's room. Garfield left her to face Starfire's hug and quietly walked in, closing the door.

"Hey, Rae. I'm here."

She stood up, looking at the floor, her voice tense. "I'm sorry, Gar, it's nothing, I'm fine, Jinx was overreacting and seeing things, I'm fine, really, you shouldn't have bothered –"

Her voice broke and faltered as his arms went around her. He could feel the tremors that were shaking her subside immediately.

"It's OK, Rae. I know."

He couldn't see her face, but her scent and the slowing down of her breathing spoke volumes to him. He allowed her the time she needed to get a hold of herself and relax. She held him agonizingly for a few seconds, then heaved a sigh.

"I always felt the need to be near you, Gar" she whispered. "Since before we started going out. You somehow have a way of calming me." Her eye went up and met his, a small smile lighting the undamaged part of her face. "Even when you infuriate me."

"That makes two of us" he said, smiling back at her.

"What, I also infuriate you?" she asked with a tiny twinkle of playfulness.

He laughed. "Nah. Not that." He ran his fingers through her hair. "There's someone here to see you" he said softly.

Her eyebrow went up, but this time she did not frown. "Who?"

"Wait a second" he said, pulled out reluctantly from her embrace and went to the door, opening it.

" _Kori!_ " Raven cried. "Oh, Azar be blessed, Kori!"

Starfire said nothing but swooped in and embraced Raven in a tender hug, much different from her usual enthusiastic, rib-cracking squeeze. Just as quietly as he entered, Garfield left the room, closed the door and sat cross-legged beside it, giving the girls privacy while at the same time being there if necessary. His lips curled up in a satisfied smile.

Some twenty minutes later Starfire emerged, looked at him and gave him a happy smile and a nod, then flitted to her room. He grinned, got up and went inside.

Raven was already in bed; Starfire obviously used the time to get her ready and tuck her in. Well, at least that meant that he could sleep out of uniform for once. He quickly stripped, got into bed, embraced her and sighed happily.

 _Now we're all here. Now we'll find a way._

* * *

Raven was dreaming. It was the most beautiful dream she ever had.

She was immersed in soothing blackness, unable to see anything, but she could feel the touch of his lips on hers. It was light, almost ethereal, the sweetness of his breath behind it burning her with its warmth. He brushed them over her face, touching her nose, gliding over her cheek, pausing a bit on her eye and brow, to return back to her lips that were already aching to be touched again. He didn't kiss her, not yet, just slid his lips over her in a soft, loving caress that made her skin suddenly more sensitive, as if it was yearning to feel him better, to make up for all that time it was forced to exist without it, like an addict that was denied the craving for a long time and now felt it near again, the delicious expectation warming her, making her tingle and shiver.

Again his lips paused over hers, just touching, barely moving as they followed the rhythm of his breathing. Lost in the dream and almost lost in the sensation, she understood that he was waiting for her, not wishing to rush her, letting her set her own pace. The realization relaxed her and she shifted a bit to be more comfortable, returning his touch with her own lips, agreeing to his game, feeling him respond slowly, languidly.

He began his exploration anew, now trailing kisses over her face, coming back for a tiny peck on the corner of her mouth, then setting off again in an ever-increasing spiral that soon included her ear and her throat, but always returning back to her eagerly awaiting lips, as if apologizing for straying away from them for too long. She captured him, pinching gently his lower lip in her own kiss, releasing herself to the warmth that was creeping over her, breathing a bit faster now, his gossamer touches cooling her like fresh summer raindrops while leaving yearning, burning skin behind as if they were branding irons.

She wished she could never wake up.

Again the trail of his small, soft kisses ended over her mouth and again she used her lips to capture and hold him. A feeling of delicious daring came over her and she allowed her tongue to touch his lower lip, sliding it alongside, tracing the familiar but almost forgotten pattern, then retreating it anxiously, awaiting breathlessly his response.

She could feel him probe gently, looking for her, inviting her out, patiently, lovingly. She hesitated a little, a bit because of her own shyness, a bit because of the sweet need to tease him, a bit because… She suddenly shuddered. Because it was _wrong,_ she should not be doing this, encouraging him, showing him how much she loved him and how much she missed him, she shouldn't raise false hopes in him, she should fight off this deceptively delightful dream and wake up and face reality, she did not deserve it, she was disfigured and ugly and useless and he hated her –

 _No._

As much as her father's taint tried to smother it, curse it, pollute it, the love she felt for him shone ever brighter, banishing the shadows, burning the filth, leaving nothing behind it except a foul-smelling, quickly dissipating reddish smoke and flakes of ash blown away by the fresh taste of Gar's lips. Oh, most of it remained still there, a dark, churning mist of unreasonable shame, self-doubt and questioning, but for a short time her love would keep it away, like the candlelight keeps away the shadows. And she should make good use of that time.

She sighed deeply and kissed him hard, letting all her longing loose, the hunger for his caresses and the thirst for his love bursting out of her, finally unleashed after being kept chained for so long that she forgot how much she wanted and needed it.

It was then that she sensed it was not a dream. She gasped with the realization, making him pause and look at her with love and concern. For a second or so she stared at him in the darkness, his features barely discernible in the shadows but his warmth and his scent and the beating of his heart and the soft, quick whisper of his breath all around her, real, tangible, reassuring. She pushed her confusion away and allowed the sheer joy that was kindling up in her to turn into a blaze as she curled her fingers in his hair and pulled him closer to her waiting lips.

* * *

He knocked quietly on Starfire's door. Part of him wished for her to be asleep so that she wouldn't open, so that he wouldn't have to go through it. But wishing it away would only make it worse. He had this one chance left; he'd better not blow it.

The door sighed open. She was still fully dressed, her eyes studying him calmly, their glow subdued and controlled.

"You were expecting me?" he asked instead of a greeting.

She chose not to answer. "Is there something I can be of the assistance with?" she asked back, her voice cool but not cold.

He forced himself not to swallow. Somehow her words and her tone hurt more than if she had slammed the door in his face.

 _Just as if she was talking to an acquaintance. No 'dear Dick', not even 'friend Nightwing.' Man, did I screw it up._

He pushed his apprehension down. "I am hoping that there is" he said. "I wish to talk to you. May I come in?"

She regarded him for a second, her gaze cool, her face composed. _Did she learn that from Raven?_ he thought inanely, then rebuked himself silently. _No. She learned it from me._

She made no move to allow him inside. She spoke instead, her voice level and calm. "We already did the talking about it if the recollection serves me well."

"Kori, I just –"

She cut him off, her tone becoming colder and a small green spark igniting in her eyes. "Please do not use my real name when addressing me. You have stated with the most painful of the clearness that you did not consider us to be of the sufficient closeness."

His jaw clenched, then slowly relaxed. "I deserved that" he said, his gaze dropping down. He took a deep breath, looked at her again and continued. "But I am here for two reasons. Will you hear them?"

"Please do it in the swift manner" she said as her voice returned to her previous cool politeness.

"I'm here to say I'm sorry. I made a terrible mistake. I allowed my fear for you and for myself to overwhelm me and to dictate my actions. I pushed you away and I hurt you. I'm sorry."

"I have done the noting of your apology. Will there be more of the things that you wish to say?"

He ground his teeth again. She would obviously not make it easy for him.

"There is. I wish… I want it back. I want _you_ back. I know I was… I know I said hateful things to you, and I realize I was wrong. But I'd… I need you, Star. I love you."

She stared at him, her small eyebrows coming together, her eyes starting to glow with a dangerous green light.

"Do you?" she said, her voice rising. "Do you indeed? Have you not said to me that you felt none of the deep emotions for me? Have you not told me that _'it would be better if we went our own ways'?_ "

She grabbed him by the front of his uniform and lifted him effortlessly, then stepped forward and slammed him against the far wall, her face coming closer to his, her eyes now burning a vicious emerald, her voice choked with fury.

"I have been the prisoner of the Gordanians. I have been the slave to the Citadel. I have suffered the tortures and the humiliations at their hands. My own sister did the betraying of me and my family and my entire planet. And all that I could survive and make the peace with. But you took away my hope. You destroyed my heart. You extinguished my soul."

She released him and he slid down. She stepped back, her eyes still blazing, her fists clenching in rage.

"I shall not do the listening to your words any more. You have said what you had the desire to say. Now leave me to the loneliness. Leave me to find my own way. It is but what you had the wish for."

His shoulders slumped in defeat. He watched her turn and step inside her room. He realized suddenly that this was his last chance. Something in him snapped and he jumped forward; his arm shot up and he grasped her wrist, not letting her leave.

"Kori, please! Forgive me! I was _wrong!_ "

She turned around, glanced at his hand clutching at her wrist, then slowly lifted her gaze to his eyes. Her hand went to the fist clenched around her arm, her tremendous strength easily prying off his grip, her hand now holding his own painfully, reminding him of the fact that she could readily pulverize the bones in it if she decided to do so.

He winced at the pain. "I'm sorry…" he tried again. She twisted her hand, forcing his entire arm to bend dangerously and making him turn, losing his balance. She kept twisting until he dropped to the floor, on his knees, his arm bent in an unnatural angle, at the verge of snapping, the green fire in her eyes burning into his heart and soul.

He ignored the pain in his hand and arm. The agony he felt inside was much worse.

"I'm sorry. I love you. I always have. I always will." His words came out clear in spite of his awkward position and the pain that was consuming him.

The fire in her eyes winked out. Her hand opened and she released him. He collapsed on the floor, panting, holding his tender wrist.

"I shall accept the apology, for it has the seeming of coming from the heart" she said again in that cool, polite voice. "But I do not have the trust in the rest. I shall do the watching and the evaluating of your actions. If you are able to do the proving of yourself, I shall give the matter further of the thought."

"That was all I wanted to ask for" he said quietly to her back as she walked into her room and closed the door, not giving any indication that she had heard him.

* * *

Raven was still asleep when he woke up. He shifted a bit to accommodate her better, eliciting a small murmur and a sigh of contentment from her. He smiled and closed his eyes the better to enjoy his own happiness.

Soon he felt her move and kiss his neck. He looked down at her, still smiling.

"Good morning, love."

"The best I ever had" she said softly, her voice still heavy with sleep.

He allowed himself to float on his joy for a few minutes, sensing hungrily all that he could, her warmth and her scent and the texture of her breath and the flash of violet where light would reflect from her hair. He sighed.

"Time to get up."

He sat up in bed, pushing away the cloud of dark thoughts that rushed at him. He scratched under the wedding ring again, then looked down at his hand, frowning.

It burst over him like the proverbial light bulb going off in his head, finally understanding the itching under the ring, his nervous playing with it, all symptoms of his subconscious trying to tell him something for days. _It took me long enough to get it through my thick skull,_ he though wryly. He looked up and his hand went to the nightstand, reaching for the ring she had left there on the morning she disappeared.

Ring in hand, he turned to her. "It's time for you to start wearing this again" he said and slid the ring on her finger.

She looked at it, then at him. "You're right. I made you a promise. I must live up to it."

Her gaze fell on the ring again. "I'm so glad you brought her, Gar. Thank you for it" she said, absorbed in watching the ring on her finger. "She was always such a good friend…" she continued with a smile on her face. "I remember her at the ceremony, when we were getting married, she was radiating so much happiness that she almost made several Azarathians faint from the intensity of her emotions."

"Yeah, I remember" he said with another chuckle. The skin under the ring itched again. "And how could I forget when –" and then realization of what his subconscious was really trying to tell him, what it was screaming at him all that time hit him with the power of a freight train. He went taut, his words choking in his mouth, a sense of terrible exultation and hope rising in him, together with an enormous fear.

She felt his muscles stiffen suddenly and his breath catch in his throat. Her hand reached out for him and touched him, misunderstanding the reason for his sudden change of mood.

"Gar… She and Richard have broken up, didn't they?"

Suddenly fearful of telling her the real reason for his unease, he pounced on the opening she unwittingly provided him.

"Yes… yes, they did. I'm sorry. I saw it, but it didn't register with me. I was…"

She looked down. "It was my fault, wasn't it? They broke up because of me –"

He grasped her shoulders and squeezed them savagely, then lifted his hands and cupped her face gently.

"Don't listen to him. It wasn't you. It wasn't your fault."

He embraced her tightly and held her, helping her fight off the dark stain that threatened again to spread over her soul. She drank in his love and his strength, using it to banish her father's influence, calming down. She took a deep, shuddering breath and moved to nestle better in his arms.

He kissed her lightly. "It's OK. Just don't let him overcome you. Fight him, deny him, ridicule him, do anything that you can think of to reject him."

She nodded, not wishing to speak. He held her a few moments longer, then spoke softly.

"Let's go. I gotta talk to Jinx."

* * *

Garfield led Raven to the Ops room, forcing himself to be calm, not wishing to allow the rush of hopefulness that was making him almost dizzy to show on his face or in his voice.

 _I don't want to tell her, not yet. I don't want to raise hopes in her and then have them dashed. I will first prepare everything and make sure it will work before I commit myself. It's for the best._

He left Raven in Starfire's company and moved over to Jinx. He bent over, whispered in her ear and took hold of her arm, guiding her out through one of the side doors.

"What is it, Gar?" Jinx asked, puzzled. His voice was painfully eager, his eyes shone almost feverishly.

"I need you to help me out. I'm hoping you'll be able to do it. You already did it before, you should be able to do it again."

"Do what? You're not making much sense!"

"I need you to take us to Azarath."

* * *

 **Author's Notes:**

Damn, but this was a difficult chapter to write. I had the scenes in my mind, but putting them to the keyboard and linking them together properly eluded me for quite some time. I'm still not happy about it, but I simply don't have the stamina to keep fighting with it. Sorry.


	8. All Hope Lost

**Author's Note:**

I wanted to finish this chapter sooner, but I had to clear my mind first and get a couple of other ideas out. In any case, I hope you'll enjoy it. Let me know what you think!

* * *

 **8\. All Hope Lost**

It was just a tiny flame, a small cresset of joy and happiness burning with a soft light, dispelling much of the oily, tarry blackness writhing in her soul, its gentle scent driving away the stench of corruption, hopelessness and defeat, its welcoming warmth keeping at bay the numbing, otherworldly cold that had relentlessly enveloped her.

It was not last night's act of love in itself that lit it, quick and awkward as it was. It was not the clumsy, short but sweet passion that washed over both as they tried to position themselves to make up for her almost paralyzed left side. It was not the release, pale in intensity when compared to the times when their bond would multiply and mirror all sensations into each other. Not even the feeling that it was overwhelmingly powerful in other ways, meaning as much as a drink of tepid water to a traveler crossing a desert, or a small campfire to someone alone and lost in a cold, dreary night. It was not that they were finally able to enjoy each other again. It was the consequences of the act, not the act in itself.

She was able to think about it without feeling shame or disgust. She was able to wrap the memory around her soul and bask in the warmth it spread through her. She was able to look back at it with affection, and even more importantly, to look forward to tonight, knowing that they would be together again, knowing that she would once more be able to feel his kisses and caresses without remorse and self-loathing.

Her mind went over the events that preceded it. She remembered falling asleep in Garfield's arms, the soothing feeling of being loved and protected hypnotizing her, only dimly aware of being deposited on the bed and falling into the depths of a deep, painful longing as soon as his touch was gone. In no time the formless, senseless nightmares began again and made her toss and turn in bed, tiny whimpers calling out for him and the soothing sounds of his breathing and his heartbeat, her hand groping blindly for him looking for safety and comfort, her nostrils flaring as she sought to feel his reassuring scent around her.

Jinx's familiar presence drove the panic away, but couldn't calm her anxiety; it took Garfield's nearness to have her finally relax. Still, it was unexpected and poignantly hopeful. It meant that she was able to begin trusting her friends again, and that in turn made her feel less ashamed of herself. The virtuous circle fed on itself and slowly cleansed her soul, closed opened wounds and smoothed out some of its deformed scars.

She felt the same sensation of growing trust again as she sat on the couch with Starfire's arms around her. Even without her empathy she could feel Star's unquenchable joy and optimism flow through her as she closed her eye, absorbing as much of it as she could. Starfire's embrace was powerful but gentle, protective and loving, and her nearness was comforting. Raven's lips curled up almost imperceptibly; it was strange for her to look for reassurance in anyone but Garfield.

Starfire stopped the quiet song that she was humming all that time, making Raven look up at the alien's glowing green eyes. Starfire met her gaze and the golden color of her face deepened as she blushed.

"I have the most inappropriate of the feelings, friend Raven," she said in a contrite voice. "I am singing with the joy that I can hug you and bring you some of the comfort, but it comes at the expense of your ill state."

Another small smile touched Raven's face. "Please don't feel ashamed for wanting to bring me peace and relief, Kori."

"I shall endeavor not to do so," Starfire sighed. "Still, I would have more of the preference for you being healthy and unharmed, even if it meant that you would be avoiding the shows of my affection."

Raven looked down, saying nothing. Her throat felt dry and tight. Fighting the sensation, she finally managed to stutter out what she was meaning to ask all that time.

"Kori, I… I know that you and… I mean, I'd like to… you know, if you want to… talk?" Raven concluded lamely, wishing with all her heart to help Starfire but not knowing how or where to begin. Her friend understood immediately what Raven's convoluted words meant and tensed, her eyes becoming hard and cold as clear emeralds.

"I am a warrior princess of Tamaran!" she hissed softly. "I have done the enduring of much more than the handful of hateful words. I do not have the need to do the talking about it!"

Raven straightened up, disentangling from Starfire's embrace. Her hand grasped Starfire's and her deep, violet gaze sought and held the Tamaranian's green eyes.

"Is this your payback for all the times that I have snubbed you, Starfire?" Raven asked quietly, the sorrow in her voice unmistakable. The tall alien looked away.

"I… offer you the apology, friend Raven. It is just that I…"

"I know. It's hard to let it out," the dark sorceress sighed.

Starfire's voice was trembling slightly as she replied. "I know… that his words came out of… the love that he has for me," she said. "After you… left, we all fell into the grip of the sorrow. Dear –" she cut herself off and bit her lip.

"You can say it, Star."

Starfire's jaw muscles clenched, then relaxed as she took a deep breath and spoke. "Dear – dear Dick, he said he could not feel you any more. He made the conclusion that you were… gone."

Raven remained quiet, all her strength needed to fight the rush of shame and self-loathing that suddenly overwhelmed her. She knew it was her father's influence trying to overcome her again, but she also knew that much of it was genuine. She _had_ hurt her friends with her actions, and she hurt herself by not trusting them. Worse, she hurt _him_.

"A part of my soul withered that day. Friend Cyborg, he was… he was the strongest of us, and he did the carrying through of all of us. But his anguish was visible. D – dear Dick, he… he made to bury himself into his work."

"That is common for him," Raven said in a neutral tone, still fighting her inner turmoil.

Starfire smiled, her eyes far away. "Indeed. He… became distant." The Tamaranian's eyes turned to Raven again.

"I could not withstand the coldness that he had," Starfire almost whispered. "It was freezing my heart. So I faced him and made the demand from him to tell me the reasons for his behavior. And then he…"

Starfire fell silent, gazing at the floor.

"He said something to hurt you?"

The Tamaranian took a deep breath. "Yes. He said… that he did not… that we should…"

Raven shuddered, then pulled herself together.

"He did it because he wanted to protect you, Star. He was lying, trying to shield you. It was wrong, it was stupid, but it was done out of love."

Starfire lifted her head and looked at Raven. A mixture of love, anger and despair shone in them.

"I know. That is why it made so much of the hurting."

"Koriand'r… I allowed my shame to deprive me of my joy. Those two years will not come back ever. They are wasted, gone, frittered away. Don't make the same mistake. Please."

"He… came to me to give me the apology. I… do not know if I should have the trust in his words, or in him."

"What does your heart tell you?" Raven asked gently.

The smile reappeared on the tall alien's face. She embraced Raven again, minding not to crush her.

"It tells me to give him the second of the chances. It tells me that life has the shortest of the lengths to be wasted on the anger and the regret."

Raven smiled. "Good. You have learned my lesson."

A sly smile appeared on Starfire's face. "My heart also tells me to let him do the stewing for a few hours more. Now I am spending the time with the best of my friends."

Her grip tightened and her soft humming resumed. Raven closed her eye, allowing peace and contentment to fill her again.

* * *

"Hey," Raven greeted Nightwing quietly, sitting beside him. "What's on your mind?"

"Too many things," he smiled, not looking up from the floor.

She waited for a few seconds to see if he would open up. Fat chance. She sighed.

"You know, Dick, when I had my empathy, I… You were the only one whose nearness would not irritate me. Not even the bond between us bothered me. Your thoughts were always ordered, your emotions under control, your purpose clear. It was a refreshing change compared to Kori's exuberance or Gar's…"

He finally lifted his head and looked at her, still smiling. "Gar's what?"

She smiled back. "Gar's everything. His emotions were…" she paused for a second, looking for words, her eye losing focus. "His soul used to be a churning, whirling thunderball, his feelings so strong and changing so quickly that they made me dizzy. He could go from playfulness to happiness to affection to care to concern to anger in five seconds." A wistful expression spread over her face. "But there was never hate."

Nightwing nodded. "There wasn't. Was that what attracted you to him?"

The faraway expression disappeared from her face. She looked at him and raised her eyebrow.

"I guess I shouldn't be surprised that you figured it out. Yes, it did. It was a potent mixture, an addictive cocktail for me. I had to work so hard to keep my own emotions in check… He somehow managed constantly both to shatter my tranquility and to calm me down, as strange as it sounds."

"It does sound strange. How did he do that?"

Again she looked ahead and her gaze became distant. "He… I could feel though him. As if through a proxy. He was a safety valve for me. I could sense his joy and his pain, his excitement and anger, his embarrassment and his determination; all things that were denied to me, all things that I did not have the luxury to indulge in. I could feel them without fearing that they would unleash the destructive forces that I kept chained inside. And yet that same indiscipline and the seeming carelessness that he exhibited with his emotions irritated me." The right side of her lips curled up. "I think I was jealous of him for a while." Her face became serious again. "That was until I understood why he was doing it. Why he was… allowing himself such unrestrained, rampant emotions. It was the only way he had to… deal with his past."

His hand grasped her shoulder and squeezed gently.

"We all carry a burden of pain. It will always haunt us."

She nodded. "I know. I just wish…" She turned her head and looked at him, a large smile on the undamaged side of her face. "That was sneaky, Richard. Did Batman teach you that?"

"Teach me what?" he asked innocently.

"How to twist the conversation to avoid the unpleasant topics."

He grinned at her. "Nah. I learned it all by myself."

She frowned. "Don't be flippant. I'm trying to help you."

His hand went over hers. "I only needed two words to do it, Rae. Am I that good?"

She shook her head, smiling wanly. "You're right. He's always on my mind, especially these days. I don't know where he and Jinx went, but I miss him from the moment I couldn't see him." She suddenly scowled at Nightwing. "You're doing it again!" she growled accusingly.

He chuckled. "You're just too easy a mark," he said. "OK, I'll man up. Ream me out, throw it in my face, rub my nose in it. I deserve all of it, and a hundred times worse."

She gave him a serious look. "Nothing I could do or say would come even close to what you're already doing to yourself."

He looked down again, his eyes clouding with pain and the smile vanishing from his face. He croaked out a hoarse question.

"Why do we do it? Why do we hurt the ones we love most?"

"If we didn't love them, it wouldn't hurt so much" she said softly.

He remained silent, his eyes looking down, not seeing anything, a burning itch spreading from their corners, indifferent to his effort to blink it away.

"It's a question of trust," she continued, seeing he would not speak. "I failed in my trust to Gar. You failed in your trust in Starfire and in yourself. You must recover that trust. Starfire will be easy, as much as she is angry with you she loves you and she will give you a second chance. But until you find it in yourself to trust yourself, you will suffer."

He remained silent, but he finally nodded slowly. She smiled and touched his hand reassuringly.

"Do you remember when Gar reamed you out for not daring to ask Starfire to marry you?"

He chuckled, his gaze still down. "How could I forget?"

"Live it, Richard. Live every minute with her, every moment that the two of you have. It is all you have. It is all you will ever have."

* * *

"Shall I take you to your room, friend Raven? You have the seeming of the great exhaustion," Starfire queried with obvious concern.

Sleep was the farthest thing from Raven's mind, though she felt absolutely drained and her frail body was screaming for rest. "Kori, where's Gar? Did you hear from them? What are they doing? Where did they go?"

Starfire noticed the beginnings of a panic attack and embraced her friend, trying as hard as she could to calm her down. It worked to a point; she could feel Raven's panic go away, but the apprehension was still there, sharp and painful. Her shoulders trembled and she shivered. Starfire hummed softly to her, stroking her hair and calming her further, then took her in her arms and carried her to her room.

"Please to try the sleeping now," she told Raven. "I shall be here until friend Garfield arrives. You have nothing to fear."

"Just… hold my hand, Star, will you?"

"I shall do much more than that," Starfire said and lowered herself beside Raven, embracing her and letting her find a comfortable position. "Rest now. I do not wish for friend Garfield to have the anger with me because I did not take the proper caring of you."

They were just dozing off when a purplish-black portal opened in the middle of the room and four figures stepped out of it. It was difficult to discern in the darkness pervading the room, but she could already sense him, her hand going up to touch and welcome him. His arms went around her and everything was good again.

"I missed you," she whispered, her voice choking.

His grip tightened. "I know. I'm sorry. I brought you someone again."

"Who is it this time?" she asked, looking over his shoulder, straining to recognize the newcomers in the gloom. Her eye went wide. "Theron? _Mother?_ "

"Hello, Raven!" Arella said.

* * *

"Jinx took me to Azarath so I could ask your mother for help," Garfield explained. "But she said that only the best was good enough for you, so we went together to convince Theron to come with us."

Theron chuckled. "In my defense, I can say that it did not take much to convince me."

Arella placed a hand on his shoulder affectionately. "It did not. He dropped everything he was doing and we came as soon as we could."

"How soon can we start?" an anxious Garfield interrupted. Theron's smile widened. "How does 'right now' sound?" He received a huge grin in response. Garfield turned to Jinx and Starfire.

"Girls, I don't know if it's a good idea –"

Jinx growled at him, cutting him off. "Don't even think about it, Gar! The only thing you're dragging out of here is our dead bodies!"

Starfire's eyes were already glowing in anger. Garfield sighed. "OK, OK, just don't get in the way!"

"Observe who is doing the talking!" Starfire retorted with indignation.

"Calm down, please!" Arella spoke soothingly. "There is no need for anyone to leave. You can safely stay and watch."

"Watch what, mother?" Raven asked from the bed, still confused from lack of sleep and the simple but powerful joy of having Garfield at her side again.

"Watch Theron heal you, Raven."

Raven's eye widened and turned to Garfield. "How did you… Why didn't I think of that?"

He grinned at her. "Sometimes you're too smart for your own good, love. And probably also because your father's influence is keeping all memories of Azarath away from you." He turned around quickly so that she couldn't see the grin drop off his face, replaced by a scowl. _All happy memories, at least. As few as they were._

Theron sat on the bed beside her and placed a warm hand on her forehead.

"Relax, Raven. Just close your eye and think of nothing, like when you are preparing to meditate."

She did as instructed. Theron's hand was warm, and the heat started flowing from his hand into her. She could hear him whisper his own mantra softly.

 _Azarath… Elthanien… Manaram…_

The warmth sank deeper into her. A terrible pain flooded her.

Coldness exploded outwards, dismissive, repellent. A black bolt struck Theron and launched him against the wall. His body slammed into the armored paneling with a sickening thud and crumpled on the floor.

The silence in the room was absolute except for Raven's heavy breathing.


	9. All or Nothing

**9\. All or Nothing**

For a moment nobody moved. Jinx and Starfire stood stiff, paralyzed. Garfield's eyes sought out and met with Arella's. On an unspoken understanding she walked to Theron's prone form and knelt beside him, while Garfield bent over Raven anxiously.

Raven's eye was riveted on Theron, slowly widening as she became aware of what she'd done. Her entire body began shaking and her eye squeezed shut as her mouth opened in a silent, futile wail of denial. Garfield's hands gripped her shoulders. She heard him say something, but the words simply did not register in her mind. She felt him shake her.

"I said, _look at me!_ " Garfield snarled at her, desperate to snap her out of it. "It wasn't you!" he shouted. "It was _him!_ It's not your fault!"

She whipped her head from side to side, not wishing to listen to him, her hand clutching at his uniform but at the same time pushing him back, a mass of conflicted thoughts and emotions and sensations tearing her sanity apart, her very soul recoiling from what she had done, from what she had caused, from the monstrous blackness inside her that finally showed its true being. She felt him trying to embrace her and calm her down, but she squirmed and fought him, wrenching out of his arms. She did not want to be calm, she didn't deserve it, she was evil, a murderer, a destroyer, just like her –

A slap stung her right cheek, rattling her teeth. She gasped, then moaned. Another slap burst on her ear, the stinging pain resurrecting her anger and making it burn through the roiling darkness that was engulfing her mind. Her eye cracked open, the red fire in it replicating on the ruined side of her face.

She felt his hands grip her face.

" _Look at me!_ "

Her vision was a sea of red nuances, a crimson-and-black monochrome world painfully sharp in focus while slowly dissipating in carnelian shadows on the edges of her vision. Only one other color contested the unbroken sanguinity of her perception, the malachite of his eyes.

She shuddered and lowered her head. The red tide in her retina drained and the normal colors returned.

"G – Gar…"

She felt his arms close around her, his fingers in her hair, his lips whispering in her ear.

"It wasn't you, Rae. It wasn't you. Don't blame yourself. It was him. He made you do it. It wasn't you. Calm down. Everything's fine. You are fine. I'm here. I love you. Calm down."

Her hand still clutched him desperately. She buried her face in his shoulder and started sobbing.

"It's OK. Let it out. Let it all flow out. Cleanse him from your soul. Wash him from your mind. It's all right," he kept crooning to her. Her sobs subsided and were replaced by shivers that slowly softened until she finally managed to take a deep breath and lift her head.

"Theron…"

"He has been hurt badly, but he's alive and he will recover."

Her eye studied him carefully, searching for clues, almost hoping he was lying. But his eyes were sincere and affectionate and pained. Her hand unclenched finally and went up, touching his cheek.

"I'm sorry…"

The pain in his eyes deepened.

"Don't ever make me do that again, Rae. It was the hardest thing I've done in my life."

* * *

He left Raven in the care of Jinx and Starfire and walked quickly to the infirmary where Theron was taken a few minutes ago. Soon he ran into Red Star and Nightwing who were hurrying to Raven's room.

"Gar, what happened?" a concerned Nightwing asked. "Vic just told us there was an accident –"

"Later!" he growled, pushing through them and walking away. Suddenly he stopped and turned to them. "Please don't disturb her. She's with Jinx and Star. They'll take care of her while I check on Theron."

"Theron?" Nightwing inquired at Garfield's retreating back. He turned to Red Star. "Isn't he the –"

"The leader of Azarath," Leonid agreed in a deep rumble. "It is a strange thing that happened."

"Why is he here? _How_ is he here?" Nightwing demanded from the Russian. Leonid shrugged and turned, heading for Raven's room. Richard followed.

"Great!" he grumbled as they walked. "Leave us in the dark. Make us guess and wonder. Thanks a lot!"

Red Star chuckled. "We will find out soon enough. For now, the best to do is to be available if it is needful."

They reached Raven's door. Almost on command, they looked at each other, shrugged and sat down on the floor, backs to the wall, one at each side of the door.

"It is going to be uncomfortable night," Red Star said wryly. Nightwing grinned at him, then settled back the best he could and tried to relax.

* * *

"How is he, Arella?" Garfield asked as soon as he walked into the infirmary.

Arella sighed. "Well enough, I suppose. He will pull through. Cracked ribs, concussion and some internal bleeding, but nothing that we can't heal between Cyborg, him and me."

He strode over and looked at the Azarathian laying on the infirmary bed. His fists clenched. Arella noticed it.

"It should've been me," she whispered. "I shouldn't have let him –"

"How could you know?" Cyborg said in a tired voice. "No sense torturing yourself."

Arella shook her head. "That is the problem, Cyborg. I _should_ have known. I should have realized that Trigon would not release his hold on her that easily. I should have tried first."

"And that would only get you hurt instead of him. It would just cause even worse pain to Raven!" Garfield said angrily.

"No, Garfield. Think. I… know Trigon. Better than anyone else, except for Raven. I would've felt his influence and I would retreat, and she wouldn't have lashed out at me." She gave Theron's unconscious body an affectionate, concerned look. "He just… can't understand it. No one in Azarath can. The depths of depravity and evil… It is beyond them. He saw it but he didn't comprehend it, didn't recognize it for what it was. It is something completely beyond his experiences. He wasn't able to defend himself."

"Arella." Garfield's voice was urgent. "Please don't lose yourself. I need you."

"I don't see what I can do. Trigon will not let me heal her, just as he didn't let Theron –"

Garfield smiled at her and placed a hand on her shoulder. "You don't need to. In the end, there is only one person that can do it."

They both looked at him, confused.

He lifted his hand and showed it to Cyborg. "Remember this? I thought this was me…"

"So did I," Cyborg frowned. "Are you telling me that –"

"Yes. She did it. That night. I'm certain she wasn't even aware of doing it. She did it while she was sleeping. That is why she never healed my back; she never knew I was wounded there."

"Garfield, her power –" Arella tried to interrupt him.

"Hear me out!" Garfield cut her off. "It was her, I know it. She healed my hand. And her strike at Theron… Her power is still in her, but she can't connect to it consciously. But when she is sleeping, her subconscious can overcome or maybe bypass Trigon's taint. That means…"

"She can use her trance to heal herself!" Cyborg exclaimed. "We just need to find a way –"

Garfield nodded. "We need to find a way for her to connect consciously to her power again."

Cyborg scowled. "How do we do that? I doubt psychiatric therapy would work. Or exorcism, for that matter."

Arella stepped closer to Garfield and placed a hand on his arm. "You are her best option. You have to guide her –"

"It would require months, Arella! There is no time! I need to do something now!"

She sighed deeply. "I just don't see what can be done to speed things up. This is Raven's battle. She needs to rally all her potential, all her forces to fight Trigon's influence. She needs to get hold of herself and fight it, overcome it and then cleanse it from her. Only then will she be able to connect to her magic consciously."

"What will happen if we get her angry? Greenbean here's got a knack for doing that!"

"I thought I was in charge of the dumb jokes, Bolt Bucket!"

Arella interrupted their banter. "Anger is not the answer. You may move her internal emotions that way, but you will also strengthen Trigon's influence. What she needs is love, and happiness, and care."

"We've been drowning her in those for the last few days. It's working, but it's just too slow!" Garfield said with a note of desperation in his voice. "There must be a quicker way!"

Arella frowned, thinking. "You told me that Trigon had perverted her feelings and her memories. What she would need is to cleanse those feelings, one by one, slowly pulling her out. But I don't see how it can be done quickly."

Garfield stared at the floor, a scowl on his face. Then the scowl slowly began melting. He lifted his head and looked at Arella while a small smile curled the ends of his lips upwards.

"I do."

Without any further words, he turned and ran out of the infirmary.

* * *

"Have you asked for her forgiveness, my friend?" Red Star asked, not looking at Nightwing.

Richard glared at him. "What?"

Leonid chuckled. "It does not take much intelligence to understand what has happened between the two of you. It is clear, I think, to everyone. So, did you?" he turned his head and returned Nightwing's glare calmly.

"Why would you care?"

"Because I love her."

Richard's teeth ground against each other. "I promised Vic I won't –"

"Do not be greater idiot than what you were!" Leonid's voice lashed at him. "Do you understand nothing? Has Raven not spoken to you about that?"

He took a deep breath and slowly let it out. "Yes. Yes, she has."

"Then you know that I do not love her like that. Or like a sister, or like a daughter. I am not your competitor, Richard Ivanovitch."

"Then answer me what I asked already. Why do you care?"

"I already did. Because I love her. Because I want her to be happy. Because she loves you, and she can be happy with you, but only if you… what is expression? 'Get your stuff together'?"

Nightwing chuckled. "Yes. The expression's a bit stronger, but that's the general idea."

"I owe her more than my life, Richard. I owe her my hopes and my dreams and my joy. She made me stop existing and start living. Nobody has ever done anything like that for me. Not my parents, not my comrades, not my lovers. I cannot love her romantically. I can only place her on pedestal and adore her."

Richard closed his eyes and sighed. "Yes, Rae told me. But I suppose I had to hear it from you."

"I know. That is why I am saying it."

Nightwing turned his head and looked at Red Star with a small smile on his face. "So, is there place in your heart for someone else?"

Leonid started laughing loudly, then quickly checked himself, remembering that he shouldn't be upsetting Raven. "Of course. It is Russian heart, as big as my country. That is why there are several nice Russian girls, each with a place in it."

Nightwing grinned at him, a barbed but friendly reply on his lips, when they heard the sound of running footsteps. They sprang up, ready for anything. Garfield ran up to the door and placed his palm on the opening sensor, ignoring them.

"Gar? What's going –"

The green changeling entered Raven's room without a word, leaving Nightwing and Red Star frowning at the closed door.

* * *

"Star, Jinx, could you give us some private time, please?" It was more a demand than a request. The two girls looked at each other.

"Friend Garfield –"

"Starfire, _please!_ "

The single pleading word was so intense that it overcame their resistance. They filed out, frowning. The door closed behind them.

He walked over to her bed and sat down beside her, taking her hand.

"Better?" he asked quietly.

"From the moment you walked in," she said, her eye glowing.

He smiled at her and gave her hand a hard squeeze. "So…"

"What is it, Gar? I know that look."

"What look?" he grinned innocently.

She sighed. "The one you have when you're preparing a prank for someone. The one you have when you're trying to hide something. What is it?"

His grin widened for a moment, then faded. "There is a way, Rae. One final way."

Her eyebrow went up. "You never seem to run out of ideas. But I think –"

" _NO!_ " he shouted savagely, the grip on her hand becoming painful. "You will _not_ give up! _I_ will not give up! I will not let you go! I will fight until the end, and then I will fight to bring you back!" He was breathing heavily with the emotions that he poured into his outburst. "You won't get rid of me that easy, Raven. Wherever you go, I will follow."

"Garfield!" she whimpered, her heart breaking. "Don't say such stupidities –"

"No. It's not a stupidity. It's a fact." Her bent his head closer and kissed her gently. "I won't go through that again, Rae."

She closed her eye, trying to keep the tears back. "Gar, please, you must promise me –"

She felt his lips graze her ear. "I can't. I'm sorry."

She shivered and fought her despair down. "All right. We'll talk about this later. What did you think of?"

"I need your mirror."

Her eye suddenly became cold and hard.

"No."

"I can find it myself. You will be saving me an hour, no more."

" _I won't let you!_ " she shouted.

"You don't have a choice, Rae. I've made up my mind."

"Gar, please…"

His voice had the sound of finality in it. "It has to be done. There is no other way."

"There must be! If anything happens to you… How will you get out? I won't be able to help you!"

He ran his fingers through her hair. "Then I'll stay inside you until… the end. And I'll go with you."

Tears were now streaming freely down her cheeks. "Please…" she sobbed.

"I'm sorry, Rae. This is it. All or nothing." He got up and went to the nightstand, opening its drawer.

"Gar, do you have any idea what my mind is like now? It's a deadly place! It's been contaminated and corrupted by Trigon! You won't last a minute in it!"

He refused to answer, shuffling the contents of the drawer, looking for the mirror.

"Don't do it, Gar, please!"

With a grunt of satisfaction, his hand came out holding the curiously shaped hand mirror. He looked at her.

"Wish me luck."

He lifted the mirror to his face.

" _GARFIELD! NOOOOOO!_ "

The door opened. Jinx and Starfire rushed into the room, only to see a tearful Raven and a hand mirror resting on the floor.


	10. Love will Set You Free

**10\. Love will Set You Free**

Unsurprisingly, Jinx was the first to realize what was going on. She did not know what the mirror was, but she could sense the powerful magic aura emanating from it. She strode quickly over to Raven and sat down on the bed beside her, placing an arm around her shoulders.

"Rae, what happened? That mirror… Did Garfield use it? What did it do to him?"

Raven's mouth worked soundlessly, shudders shaking her body, tears flowing unchecked from her good eye. She grasped Jinx's hand and squeezed, looking at the pink sorceress pleadingly.

"Get him out, Jinx. Please…" she managed to whisper, still unable to regain control of her voice.

"I'll do everything I can. Get him out of where? Where is he?"

"The mirror is… for meditation. It's… a portal… into my mind."

Jinx's eyes widened. "He's in your mind? Right now?"

Unable to reply, Raven just nodded. Jinx sighed and tightened her grip around her friend's shoulders.

"Then you need to calm down, Rae. If he's in your mind, you need to calm down. You can't have him go through all your anguish. Relax."

The truth of Jinx's words almost made Raven fall into panic. The hand holding Jinx's convulsed painfully; her eye closed and she took a deep, shuddering breath as she forced calm on herself.

"You are right," Raven said in a much more normal voice. "I will try to meditate and relax. It is the best I can do for him now."

Jinx nodded. Starfire floated over, folding her legs in lotus position.

"I shall join you in the meditation, friend Raven," she said quietly, "unless you feel that my presence would be of the distraction."

Raven managed to force out a small smile. Starfire may look and sometimes behave like a bubblehead, but she was far from being stupid.

"It would help me immensely, Kori."

"Glorious!" Starfire exclaimed. Jinx helped Raven sit on the bed, placing her stiff left leg into the proper position and bracing her left arm on the knee. The two girls synchronized their breathing and started droning the mantra.

 _Azarath… Metrion… Zinthos…_

Jinx grinned. "I'll leave you to it, then. I'm not much for meditation myself. Anything you need, I'll be just a holler away."

Starfire cracked an eye open and nodded at Jinx, smiling. The pink sorceress responded with a widening grin, then turned and walked out, extending her arms into shooing motions, getting Nightwing and Red Star out of the room. The door closed as they left.

"Will someone show me some mercy and tell me what the hell happened?" Nightwing asked, flustered. Red Star said nothing, but his full-green eyes had a tint of reddish anger. Same as Nightwing, he obviously wasn't too happy about being left in the dark.

Jinx let out her breath in a heavy gust, finally allowing her concern to rise to the surface. Her eternal smirk was gone; her face was serious as she spoke.

"Gar used that mirror to enter Raven's mind. I have no idea what he's trying to do, but he probably wants to help her somehow. The problem is that much of her memories and feelings have been corrupted by Trigon. There's no way of knowing what kind of horrors Garfield will have to face."

"What can be done to help?" Red Star asked.

"Nothing," Jinx replied flatly. "It's all in Gar's hands now."

* * *

The ground shook violently again and Changeling fell down, unable to stand on the heaving surface. He got up to a crouch, using his hands to give him additional support while he waited for the latest earthquake – mindquake? – to end.

The quake diminished to a tremor. He risked straightening up and reviewing his immediate surroundings. He was in a familiar place; stone walkways hung from nothing as they crisscrossed a dark sky where a myriad of unknown lights shone, providing weak but sufficient illumination. The span he appeared on was, luckily, quite wide. It led forward into the gloom, while behind him it ended in an abrupt chasm. Something warned him that flying around in this place was not a good idea. Having no other way to go, he followed the stony gangway to wherever it led.

Garfield was aware that he would be heading into danger. But he was also aware of another thing. Something that all his friends have witnessed, but hadn't ever given much thought to. He smiled; not even Raven ever questioned him about it. The first time it happened it surprised him, too. But it interested him enough to think hard about it and draw a few logical conclusions. If he managed to get it to work, it would make his job a lot safer and easier. If not… But he would not allow himself to lose his optimism.

Puddles of black, tarry, sticky goo could be seen everywhere. He didn't remember them from before. A revolting stench of corruption wafted from them. He frowned; his sensitive nose could sometimes be a liability. He crouched and forced himself to inspect one of the puddles. It was black as soot, reflecting no light. Fighting his revulsion, he poked a finger carefully into it. The black slime bent inwards, avoiding his touch, as if it was afraid of making contact with him. He pushed his finger farther down until he could touch the ground with its tip. The tarry goo had created a cylindrical sleeve around his finger, keeping itself less than half an inch away from his skin.

He got up and shrugged. It may be important, but he didn't have time to worry about it. He came here with a purpose. He should go on.

He opened himself up, trying to feel her. The bond they shared was gone, but he still kept his half of it. Maybe now that he was in her mind their bond will be strong enough to pierce Trigon's taint and connect them.

The ground shivered again, but this time it was a lot milder. It would seem that Raven was calming down. Good. The last thing he needed was to battle whichever horrors her fear and anguish could create.

A slight, almost gossamer touch of emotion caressed his soul. He couldn't identify the specifics, but his smile widened. Their bond was working. It was a lot weaker and less reliable than what he remembered, and yet it was still there. It was another confirmation that she had not lost her powers; they were just hidden, smothered and obscured by Trigon's filth.

So far everything was working as he had expected. His smile became a grin as he walked resolutely forward.

He came to a crossroads of sorts, where two of the walkways intersected. He paused, not certain which way to go. He tried to open himself up again to their bond. The feeling he sensed a while ago returned; it was weak and the direction where it was coming from was quite difficult to determine. But it was enough to tell him which path to choose. Wasting no time, Changeling followed it.

A stone archway appeared from the gloom, right before the stone wall that ended the path. If he remembered correctly, that was the entrance to one of the domains of Raven's aspects. It was just what he was looking for.

He approached the arch quickly, keeping alert to any signs of danger. His caution paid off as suddenly two nightmarish figures formed from puddles of sooty slime and rose before him.

The creatures unfurled and spread leathery wings, soaring up before swooping down on him. He recognized the attack pattern; it was a very basic one, and many flying villains tried to use it against them. It was expected that he would duck the strike of the first attacker, losing sight of the second one and allowing him – it? – to fall on him from behind. It was simple, quick and deadly.

And it was something he was prepared for.

The first creature was almost upon him. It looked like a classical representation of a demon; snarling mouth full of sharp, jagged teeth, thin but powerful arms ending in claws with scythelike talons, bat-like wings a full twelve feet in span now half-furled, not beating but only guiding the demon's dive. Garfield observed it calmly, then at the right time he morphed into a green grizzly and stepped out of the way. As the demonic creature sped past him the bear's paw struck it in the back, making it crash beside Changeling onto the stony ground. A moment later, a green elephant's leg landed on its head, crushing it.

The second demon howled in fury. Garfield smiled to himself, hearing the sound approach him from behind. A triumphant leer started to form on the demon's face as it realized his quarry still had his back turned to it. Its mouth opened and its claws twitched eagerly, expecting soon to sink into soft flesh.

The spiky ball of an ankylosaur's tail struck it in the head, almost ripping it off its body. It smashed to the ground and rolled, the fire in its four eyes extinguishing.

The arrogance and fierceness of demons was working in his favor. They had little wish to bother with advanced tactics or complex manoeuvers. Garfield could take on several of them, even out of training as he was.

Changeling's smile turned grim. He had no moral qualms about killing these creatures. They were unnatural travesties, creations of a diseased mind that only knew how to twist and deform the beauty of the natural world for its own obscene purposes. His eyebrow lifted in surprise as the bodies of the two demons disintegrated into ashes and black smoke. He shrugged and walked through the archway.

* * *

The place he found himself in was pleasantly gloomy. It reminded him of Raven's room. A glimmer of soft light shone ahead, beckoning him. It seemed as good a place as any other to go to. Without hesitation, he headed there.

He saw her soon enough. She was waiting for him, aware of his presence. He felt her through their bond, sensing the love flowing from her. Her purple cloak hid her almost completely, but her eyes shone from the darkness under the hood.

Her hand went up and caressed his face as he stood in front of her. He pulled her hood down gently, his heart bursting with joy seeing that she was undamaged and unscarred. He embraced her lovingly and sighed.

"I'm so glad to see that you're well," he whispered. She huddled closer, then looked up at him, her eyes sorrowful. "I am. Trigon could not touch me. But the others…"

"That's why I'm here," he smiled at her. "It's time to finish this. It's time for him and his filth to move out and for you to recover. It's time for us to be happy again."

"It's not going to be easy, Gar. He has twisted and tainted my sisters. They are not the same ones that you remember. Some of them may even attack you."

He frowned. "Can you help?"

She sighed. "I can help with healing and being supportive. But my power is not a destructive one. That's… Red's domain."

He nodded. "That'll have to be enough. I think I have enough destructiveness for both of us."

Her eyebrow lifted in puzzlement. He gave her a crooked smile. "My turn to be mysterious."

"Gar, if you mean the Beast, I don't think it's a good idea –"

"No. That part of me is locked way too deep. You'll see."

She smiled at him, her eyes glowing. "Before we go…" she said, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him into a kiss.

For a moment he was too surprised to react, but the sweet taste of her lips, her intoxicating scent and the heat that burned him everywhere their bodies touched overwhelmed him and he responded with everything he had. He quickly lost all awareness of his surroundings, releasing himself to the tide of emotions that she awoke in him. This was Raven's pure loving, caring, affectionate side, undiluted by shyness or reason or anger. It was overpowering, unstoppable, irresistible.

He felt his body react immediately and automatically as she pressed herself closer to him. The sudden burst of passion that flooded him was so strong that it scared him for a moment. He quickly grasped that fear and used it to clear his mind, pushing her gently away.

"I know you represent more than just Love," he said hoarsely, trying to slow down his breathing. "But we have other things to do first."

She pouted, then nipped his lower lip. "I know. I will not apologize. This is who I am."

He chuckled, realizing Raven would probably blush and look down in such a situation. But Purple held his gaze locked, her eyes shining with love and desire. He felt his own passion rising again and shook himself like a dog, trying to clear it. "We have to focus. We'll have time for that, and much more when we finish."

She smiled crookedly at him. "I'll hold you to that promise."

* * *

They walked through the archway and back where he came from.

"There's something I wanted to ask you," he said, not looking at her. "Please don't misunderstand me, I'm overjoyed to have found you, but I thought…"

She laughed. "Gar, I may be Raven's loving and even lustful aspect, but I'm still _her_. I'm not stupid."

He chuckled back. "Good to know. So how come that you seven have been released? You melded with her many years ago. You were not separate entities like you used to be. Was it Trigon?"

"Of course. It was easier for him to… corrupt us this way." Her face was frowning. "Only I could resist him." Her frown cleared and she gave him a small smile. "Because of you."

He blushed and looked away. She giggled. "Don't do that! You're absolutely adorable when you blush!"

He grinned back. "If you like it so much, why should I avoid doing it?"

She stopped and looked at him. Noticing she fell behind, he also stopped and looked over his shoulder. Her face was serious, but her eyes…

"You have one guess," she said in a deep, husky tone. He gulped and quickly resumed walking. She fell in step beside him, giggling softly into her hand.

They reached the crossroads that he saw earlier.

"Now where?"

She shook her head. "I don't really know, and it shouldn't matter. At this time, any road will lead to one of us."

He scratched the back of his head. "It's just that I'd try to avoid Red," he said wryly.

Purple looked at him, her eyes full of concern. "You'll have to face her, too, eventually."

"I know. I just hope it doesn't come to blows."

"With Red, it always comes to blows."

Trying to change the awkward subject, Garfield quickly chanted an 'eeny, meeny, miney, mo' in his mind. "We'll go that way," he said and started down the path he chose. Purple walked beside him, silent.

After a few minutes they arrived at another archway. As it hove into view, Garfield stopped and turned to her.

"This is a good place for an ambush. Stay back and don't expose yourself."

A flash of anger crossed her face. "Don't be an idiot. Trigon's creatures can't touch me. The one who's in danger is you."

He frowned. "Just stay behind me and don't do anything foolish."

Her eyes glowed as she looked at him. "Doing foolish things is something I'm very good at," she crooned back, stood on tiptoe and stole a quick kiss from him. "Go now. I'll cover your back."

He rolled his eyes and turned to the archway, then felt a slap on his rump. He whirled and scowled at her.

"Do you _mind?_ "

"I just couldn't resist it," she answered with a grin. "You have such a delicious butt."

He sighed in exasperation, realized he was doing it and smiled. It occurred to him that this was probably how Raven felt when he was acting impulsively. Talk about revenge served cold. "Good to know. Raven would never admit to something like that."

"Of course not. She allows Grey too much influence, if you ask me." The violet in her eyes deepened and her finger traced down his chest to his belt. "There are some other parts of you that I also like, you know. If you want, I could show you…"

He gulped and took her hand into his, just in case she had the intent of going further down. "How about a rain check on that?" he grinned at her.

"You're running quite a tab here, Gar."

"I'll be more than happy to pay it when I get back!"

"Promises, promises!" she told him playfully, but then her eyes looked over his shoulder and widened. "Look out!"

Again two demonic forms rose from the tarry puddles, but this time they were bigger. Like double the size bigger. Garfield scowled.

"Be careful!" Purple said anxiously.

"No worries. These two are going to be a pushover!" he replied over his shoulder, watching the demons as they strode towards him.

The creatures charged at them, bellowing deafeningly. Garfield morphed into a green hummingbird and flew between the legs of the lead monster. Both demons stopped, confused, looking for their opponent. A ground-shaking roar came from behind them; they quickly turned around to face a green smilodon, its muzzle open wide, already aimed at the closer demon's throat. The powerful jaws closed. Twelve-inch canines tore effortlessly through the scaly hide, the flesh and the vertebrae. Changeling shook his prey like a dog shaking a captured rat, then dropped it. It was dead before it hit the ground.

The second demon hissed menacingly and approached him warily. Changeling switched into a more nimble panther form and jumped at its face. The demon was expecting an attack and tried to swat the feline away, but the panther vanished from its sight as Garfield morphed into a dragonfly. Again confused and frustrated, the demon howled, lifting its powerful arms up a sign of defiance. It was just what Garfield was expecting.

A ton and a half of green rhino suddenly appeared and launched itself at the demon, skewering it with both its horns. The creature's claws raked over the animal's back, leaving deep gouges on its tough hide, but it was all over. The red blaze in the four eyes dimmed and extinguished. The demonic form slumped and dissolved into smoke and soot.

Transforming back into himself, Garfield tried to dust some of the stinking ashes off. Purple approached him. "Turn around!"

"What for?"

"Your back's all torn up. Let me heal you."

He leered at her. "You left worse on me quite a few times, if I remember correctly."

She frowned, but her eyes shone. "And I want to keep doing it. So turn around and let me heal you."

He allowed her to heal him, enjoying the touch of her hands on his back and neck. "Don't get adventurous," he warned her as he felt her hands caressing his shoulders. "We have to go on."

She finished and walked over to face him, pouting. He smothered a laugh, then embraced her and gave her a quick kiss. "Another one on the tab?" he asked her, smiling. She lifted a corner of her mouth in response and turned flirtatiously, heading for the archway.


	11. Irrational Fear

**Author's Note:** I actually wanted to have the previous chapter, this one and the following one all together, but it would turn out being too long, I think. This is why I have decided to divide them up, posting them as soon as I finish one part.

* * *

 **11\. Irrational Fear**

They entered a cold and measured domain where all the edges were sharply defined and all structures meshed into each other with micrometric precision. The sky and the ground were divided into geometric shapes with perfect straight lines and smooth curves that could be described by simple mathematical expressions. It was abstract and idealized, simplified and well-ordered. Natural formations were reduced to basic shapes, green triangular hills under a blue sky over which white trapezoids and parallelograms floated.

And yet Garfield the jokester could detect that there was a subtle jest here, shared between the creator of the place and the Nature she tried to stylize. Just because Nature seldom used pure geometric forms, it did not mean they were unnatural. Nature was used to simplify Nature; beneath all the algebra and calculus there was still a sea of the unknown and the unknowable, the chaos simply glossed over, the complexity lurking underneath like a monster, ready to sink its teeth into anyone brave enough to feel safe and protected and trusting of simple, easily calculated equations and formulae.

In spite of it, he felt uncomfortable with this simplification of Nature and its reduction to geometry and algebra, the removal of its intrinsic chaos and complexity, just so the creator of this place could feel safe in an illusion of absence of the unexpected and the undefinable, wrapped in a cocoon of comfortable predictability. At least it was clear that there used to be beauty here; the geometric shapes melded harmoniously into each other, rotating and mirroring around one another, in places diving into an infinite fractal well of endlessly repeating structures that mimicked themselves eternally, no matter how close one looked, creating infinitely jagged snowflakes and fern-like spirals that curled and twisted forever deeper until they were lost out of comprehension and of sight.

But now cracks in the otherwise perfect landscape radiated out like in a broken window, sharp-edged holes in the ground and the sky allowing glimpses of the noisome blackness burbling under, in places spewing out and contaminating its surroundings with the now familiar foul-smelling, unreflecting slime.

"This is Yellow's place," Purple said unnecessarily, frowning. She pointed to what appeared to be some ruins on top of a trapezoidal hill. "We should go there."

Garfield nodded. As they approached the ruins, he could feel Purple's discomfort silently radiating from her. He looked at her and smiled.

"You don't like it here, do you?"

"Who could?" she said, her frown deepening. "Look at it! There's nothing exciting, nothing surprising, nothing _interesting!_ It's _boring!_ "

He shook his head. "I don't think so. Just because you can't see it, it doesn't mean that this place is unlovely, static and predictable. And I think Yellow knows it and likes it that way."

"Humph!" Purple snorted, unconvinced. His smile expanded into a grin. "You're jealous of her, aren't you?"

"And what if I am?" she asked angrily. "Raven's always deferring to _her_ , listening to _her_ advice, showing _her_ to the world, doing what _she_ says. Every time something important has to be decided she ignores the rest of us, then when we start acting up to try and be heard, she chains us and drowns us and locks us up!"

He stopped and turned to her, concern in his eyes. "That's not true and you know it. If it were so…" his arm went around her and he ran his fingers through her hair. She closed her eyes, pressed herself to him and purred.

"Mmmmm. You can convince me of anything, Gar."

His grin appeared again. "Good to know. Let's go."

He released her and turned, continuing on his way. She followed him, pouting. His shoulders shook with silent laughter.

They ascended a flight of cracked stone stairs to stand in front of the jumbled ruins. She was sitting cross-legged among the pile of rocks, hood pulled up and eyes closed, the yellow cloak settled around her in precise and symmetrical folds. They approached her.

"Why are you here, Purple sister?" she asked in a hoarse voice. Purple just sniffed loftily, not deigning to answer.

"She brought me," Garfield said. The head under the yellow hood moved slightly up, as if surprised. A sharp intake of breath followed it.

"… you…?" she ventured, tasting the word, rolling it in her mouth, feeling it slide off her tongue and through her lips.

She fell silent, the head dipping back down. "No. You are gone. All is gone. There is nothing left. He won."

"It is me. Look at me. I'm here. I came to –"

"NO!" Yellow cried without moving. "You're not here! You are gone, _they_ are gone, everything is gone! He can't be denied, he can't be overcome, he can't be defeated!" Her voice trailed away, as if the effort exhausted her. "You are not here," she continued softly, reassuring herself. "It is not… rational."

"I was never a rational one, in case you forgot," he said gently, his hands reaching for her hood. She didn't move or resist him in any way. The hood went down and he saw her face. His heart froze.

It was not a scar. It was a festering wound that went from cheekbone to cheekbone over both her eyes, the same black tar oozing and bubbling in it, dripping over her cheeks like a malignant travesty of tears. Horrified, he realized that her blindness was only the physical manifestation of her mind's inability to see, brought on by Trigon's taint. If he wanted to heal her, he would have to make her cleanse herself of it somehow.

He pushed away the pain of seeing her hurt that way and focused on what he had to do. His hand touched her cheek. Her lips trembled, but she didn't move.

"No," she whimpered, her breath coming out with difficulty now. "It's not you. It's an insect. A bug. It landed on my face. It's not…" she fell silent. Black tears dripped from the slash over her eyes.

"It's not a bug. There are no bugs here. It's me."

She shook her head in denial, making him curl his fingers back. He frowned.

"For all your common sense and rationality, you're denying the logical answer. It is me. I am here. I am speaking to you."

"The senses are… unreliable. They can… deceive. Only I am true. Only I am rational. The rest is… a mirage. A lie."

"Oh, don't get all Descartes on me!" he growled, frustrated. "You wanna play philosophy? Too bad, 'cause you're not doubting. You are rejecting, and that's just as false as accepting uncritically!"

Her head lifted a little. "Doubt…? I do not… doubt. I must not!" she said, fear rising in her voice. "I should not…" She gasped and moaned softly. "I… should doubt."

His hand grasped hers. "Yes. Because maybe I'm not here. Maybe I'm not holding your hand. Or maybe he has lied to you, and maybe he's still lying to you and I _am_ here and I love you, in spite of his lies and his malice."

Her mouth worked soundlessly. The hand he was touching opened, her fingers seeking and entwining with his own. He squeezed them gently and spoke. "What do you see? He can blind your eyes, but not your mind."

"I am… blind, but he… showed me… how I am not… how I should not…" she stammered, uncertainty clawing at her, fear choking her. The pale fingers gripped his hand. "You… are real. Then my father… lied?"

"He did. And he is not your father. Remember! Remember the broken Tower! Remember him sitting in its ruins like on a giant throne! Remember the seas of lava, the people turned to stone! Remember what he tried to do to us, what he almost did to you!"

"He is… my father," she croaked, breathless. His hand went up to her cheek again. Her head moved just a tiny fraction, seeking his touch.

"Yes. But fathers give love, and comfort, and hope. He has given you hatred, and pain, and despair."

"Then he is not… my father?"

"He is not. He never was."

"I only… I don't know. I am not sure what to think. This is not… rational."

"Rationality will only take you so far," he whispered to her. "There is more beyond it. Do not be afraid to seek. Do not shun faith. Do not fear to trust."

She was breathing hard now, almost gasping, the word coming laboriously through her throat. "T – Trust?"

"You can trust him, or you can trust me. Or you can trust yourself. It is time for you to choose."

His hand touched the wound. The black pus retreated, fearful of him. But it could not go back inside. More of it came flowing, forced and squeezed out to run over her face and around his fingers and into the light of day where it was revealed for what it was, and it withered and smoked and curdled and vanished. The wound closed. Her eyes opened.

"Thank you," she said as her hand went up, fingers touching his lips hesitantly. He kissed them softly, then helped her up.

He wrapped his arms around her and let her get hold of herself. After a few moments she pushed him away gently, looking at him. Her eyes had their usual calm expression again, but her eyebrow went up in puzzlement.

"Descartes?"

He laughed. "A few ages ago I got myself a copy of _Philosophy for Dummies_. Even at that level it just made my head hurt. But I remembered that part."

Purple giggled and embraced Garfield from behind. "He's full of surprises, isn't he, sister?"

Yellow extended her hand. From within the rubble her thick glasses floated up, encased in a black mist. She studied them, chanted the mantra softly and watched in satisfaction as the broken lenses and the twisted frame repaired themselves. She placed them on her nose and looked at Purple and Changeling through them.

"That he is. Let's go."

* * *

"Ow!" he complained as Yellow probed the gash on his forearm somewhat roughly. He realized she was angry at him for taking risks, even though she wouldn't be caught dead admitting it. They were attacked by six large demons this time, and in response he morphed into one of Nature's many perfect killing machines, the utahraptor. Two demons were disemboweled instantly by the razor-sharp, ten-inch, sickle-like claws while a third had its throat torn out in the first attack. The remaining three, however, managed to split and encircle him. His concern for Raven's aspects behind him made him careless of the demon in front and he paid for it with a long, deep, painful gash on his left forearm before he could shred the remaining opponents to pieces.

Purple was standing behind him, her arms folded around him and her hands playing over his chest as she landed small comforting kisses on the back of his neck. The mixture of pain and pleasure was intoxicating, but he couldn't allow himself to lose sight of his ultimate goal. He shook his head, trying to clear it, and took hold of Purple's hands to stop her from exploring too far.

Yellow's severe brows knitted together into a small frown. She chanted the mantra and the wound closed. "He's not only yours, sister," she growled.

Purple giggled. Garfield squeezed her hands and turned his head to look at her. "She's right, you know."

She pursed her lips petulantly, but she couldn't maintain it too long. She released him and walked over to Yellow, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. Her eyes glowed and she stared at Garfield as she whispered in Yellow's ear, loud enough for him to hear clearly.

"Maybe we can make it a threesome? I know you like to explore new things."

Yellow pushed her away, her face red. "Not _those_ kinds of things, sister! Now get a hold of yourself and focus on what we have to do!"

Purple laughed and kissed Yellow on the cheek, then turned, her cape swirling around her as she walked to the next archway, her merriment trailing behind her. Yellow rolled her eyes in exasperation and followed in her wake. Garfield went after them, the blush making his face glow.

* * *

They walked amidst large boulders strewn on the ground haphazardly. Illumination was soft and sourceless, coming from everywhere and leaving the grey bulk of the granite dark but without casting any shadows.

"Any one of these boulders can have an unpleasant surprise waiting behind it," Garfield grumbled. "Keep your eyes open!"

Treading carefully, they continued ahead without a real direction in mind. It was not necessary, Garfield realized. Whatever they looked for – and whatever was looking for them – would be there soon enough.

As if on cue, his sensitive ears heard the patter of running feet clad in soft boots. It was unmistakably _her_ , he would recognize those footsteps anytime and anywhere, but he didn't know which one of her aspects it was. Morphing into a gecko, he climbed a boulder and turned back into himself, searching and scanning in the direction where the sound was coming from. Then he saw it and shuddered.

He had seen it only once before, but he would never forget it. Two faces behind theatrical masks, one sad, one happy, incongruous and unmoving. Two stone hands holding two stone swords swishing through the air, their edges no less deadly for being blunt. It moved quickly, the swords flashing, shearing away stone and cracking boulders in half.

"Stay here!" he shouted at Yellow and Purple, turning into a bat and flying closer to the animated statue. He had a good idea of what it was attacking.

A figure in a green cloak was running away from it, desperately trying to escape the whistling blades. She was fast, but fear and despair were evident in her movements. Worse, she appeared exhausted and stumbled more than once, only her well-honed reflexes enabling her to roll away from the descending swords and jump up and run again, fleeing for her life.

He had to hurry. He switched into cheetah form and launched himself towards them. Again she stumbled and fell, arms sprawled as if she was trying to hug the ground, chest heaving with the exertion. She rolled over quickly and tried to dodge the stone blade flashing down at her, but this time it was too late, she was too tired, her muscles wouldn't answer any more to the commands of her brain…

A green triceratops slammed into the animated stone, sending it smashing into a large boulder. He instantly transformed into a gorilla, picked her up with one hand and bounded away as fast as he could while the statue righted itself, its blazing eyes looking for its new opponent.

He rejoined Purple and Yellow and placed a gasping Green on the ground with her back to the rock, then turned back into himself. "Keep an eye on it but try not to be seen!" he whispered at Yellow. She nodded and floated a little higher, peering over the rock, following the stone creature with her eyes as it roamed angrily among the boulders, looking for its quarry.

"It's… too strong!" Green stammered between gasps. "I can't… can't fight it!"

"Shhh. Rest now. Get your breath back. We'll take it on together," Garfield said in a reassuring voice.

Her hand gripped his uniform, clenching in a death cramp. "No!" she shouted, her voice breaking. "I can't! It's… I… I'm afraid!"

"It's OK. Relax. Don't worry. I'll take care of it. Calm down."

"No. It's too strong. I won't let you! It'll kill you! Please…" she whined, trembling, her arms going around him, her face seeking comfort in his shoulder. "Please don't leave me," she whispered.

Yellow glanced at them, an eyebrow up. Purple sighed and knelt beside them, embracing Green, helping Garfield to calm her down.

"Just like Yellow was irrational, she is afraid. This is all his doing," Garfield growled.

Purple nodded. Yellow returned her eyes to the animated statue, making sure it didn't sneak up on them. "I wasn't irrational!" she grumbled quietly. Purple giggled softly. "Oh, yes, you were, sister!"

"That's not true!" Yellow snapped furiously, turning to face her. "As if you'd be the one that's able to discern between what's rational and – "

Garfield's sensitive ears heard the crunch of rock under stone feet. "Look out!" he shouted, grabbing Green and launching himself forward, away from the boulder they were hidden behind. With a deafening crack, a stone blade clove it in half, burying itself deep into the hard ground.

"Get her out of here!" he screamed at Yellow and Purple, pushing Green towards them, morphing into a squirrel and jumping onto the sad stone face, bewildering the monster for a moment. Purple and Yellow dragged Green away, scurrying behind yet another large boulder, looking for an escape route.

A fifty-foot green titanoboa wrapped itself around the statue's legs, tripping it and slithering quickly away as the rock creature shook the ground when it fell down. It tried to straighten up, but a green triceratops again slammed into it, throwing it against a nearby rocky wall. Mechanically and emotionlessly it rose again. A green T-Rex spun around and clubbed the statue with its massive tail, sending it back to the ground. Seventy-five tons of viridian argentinosaurus reared up on its hind legs to crush the living statue into dust.

A stony arm shot up, the blunt tip of the sword meeting the enormous mass of the animal as it descended, piercing through its thick hide easily. The enormous forelegs stomped on the rocky monster, but the sword sunk deep into the animal's body. A double scream sounded from the statue; a painful howl exploded from the dinosaur.

The sauropod wrenched itself away, pulling the stone sword from its lower belly. Blood gushed out. The dinosaur shrunk into Garfield's human form, his hands trying to cover the wound in the left side of his groin. Blood flowed freely from it, making it obvious that a large artery was torn. His knees buckled and he fell down, a crimson pool forming quickly around him. The statue rose again and lifted its sword for the final strike.

A foot in a green boot smashed its face, staggering it as rock chips flew.

"Pick on someone smaller than you, rock-brain!" Green snarled and launched herself up. A scything stroke of her left hand and a stony arm flew away, still gripping the sword. Green whirled, avoiding the strike of the second sword, then finished the turn with another cutting blow. The other arm of the stone monster cracked and fell off.

"Time to finish it!" Green hissed through clenched teeth, jumping up and delivering a crushing kick into the smiling mask-face. The stone cracked and broke, the statue's head disintegrated. The armless and headless torso swayed and fell to the rocky ground, shattering into a thousand pieces. Green dropped down, straightened up and dusted herself off, walking over to where Purple and Yellow were kneeling beside Garfield. She pulled her hood up, hiding her face.

"How is he?" she asked, trying to keep her voice cool and emotionless.

"He'll be fine," Yellow commented dryly.

"Need help?"

"No," Yellow replied, a small, crooked smile spreading over her face. "Purple sister's got everything in her hands."

"Yeah, I can see that," Green chuckled. "Everything important, in any case."

Purple glared at them, then returned to treating Garfield's wound, swirling her cloak to hide them from view of the two smirking aspects.


	12. You Just Have to Let Go

**Author's Note:** Sorry, sorry, _sorry!_ I really hope I managed to break the writer's block that was holding me by finishing this chapter and that the next ones will follow soon.

* * *

 **12\. You Just Have to Let Go**

The wound in his groin did not hurt any more, but the loss of blood made him weak and his head spun. He felt himself being lifted first then lowered gently back on the ground, small, soft, delicate but strong hands over him, touching him and releasing warmth and healing into him. His vision swam, unfocused, the image from each one of his eyes arriving separately into a brain that was too exhausted to compare them and resolve them into a single picture, too busy miserly conserving its strength and staying conscious to bother with minor details like clear vision.

A pair of deep, luminous, violet eyes came into his view and his mind saw fit to expend some of its precious energy focusing on the affection and concern that were shining in them.

"Rae…?" he said soundlessly, the word so heavy on his tongue that it could not pass his barely moving lips. It just fell back into his throat, choking him, making him cough weakly.

Another pair of amethyst orbs appeared. He was seeing double, obviously… Was he? No, these were the same eyes, but they had a different expression. They glowed with love and anxiety, too, but there was also a hard, almost merciless determination deep inside, softened only by the feelings coming out as they gazed upon him.

"We need to get his bone marrow to start working overtime," a voice droned in his ears. He struggled to keep his eyes opened.

A third pair of eyes joined the first two, making his tenuous grasp on reality finally slip. The three sets of eyes split double as his mind gave up on trying to focus. He found himself surrounded by them, floating in a sea of dark lavender.

"Relax, Gar. Don't fight it. Let yourself go. We'll take care of it."

He sighed happily, smiled and slipped into oblivion.

* * *

He woke up feeling disoriented, but full of energy. "What happened?" he asked Green.

"Rock-brain there tried to turn you into a canapé," Green chuckled. "Purple sister healed the wound, but the blood you lost would've kept Dracula partying for a few months, at least."

"But I feel fine…"

"That's because smartypants made your bone marrow earn its living!" she grinned at him. He tried to sit up on the ground but the sudden move caused him to sway and his vision to darken, almost making him lose consciousness.

"Just because you have been healed it doesn't mean that you should start jumping around right away!" a cool voice sounded from behind him. The dizziness passed and his vision cleared; he turned his head and looked at Yellow.

"You sound just like _her,_ y'know?"

Yellow frowned and glared at Green and Purple. "Good. _Someone_ has to keep your feet on the ground."

He took her offered hand and gingerly got up to his feet. Again he felt a slight dizziness, but it was a lot milder and he recovered almost immediately. Yellow studied him critically. "You'll be fine," she observed dryly.

He chuckled. As his relationship with Raven grew, the usually cold, sarcastic way she had of addressing him had slowly faded and both her tone and her words warmed up and became much more affectionate. But Yellow made him feel almost nostalgic for the times when he did all sorts of crazy stunts just to force Raven out of her shell, to make her smile, to have her enjoy life. He grinned at the composed, rational aspect impishly and on impulse bent his head and kissed her lips lightly.

Yellow squealed and pushed him away, blushing fiercely, pulling the hood over her head and turning her back on him. His grin widened and he glanced at the other two aspects. Green was laughing her head off while Purple stood there, fists on her hips, foot tapping on the ground with much annoyance. He sent her a wink while still grinning, which made her snort with derision. But her scowl softened into a hurt pout that he knew she wouldn't be able to maintain for long.

He felt a touch on his shoulder. Turning back, he saw a still-slightly-rosy-cheeked Yellow. She avoided his gaze as she spoke.

"We should go."

* * *

They followed the path to the next archway. Purple managed to keep pouting for a full ten steps before she wrapped her arm around his and leaned on him as they walked. From the corner of his eye he saw the other two roll their eyes at each other meaningfully. He chuckled softly to himself.

They approached their goal. He felt a twinge of apprehension and halted to speak with the aspects.

"OK, if the pattern holds true like before, we'll be attacked as soon as we approach the arch. Hang back and let me do the work."

"In your dreams!" Green growled. "I'm not letting the opportunity pass!"

He frowned at her. "This is not open to discussion. You'll – ULP!" he gasped as he felt her hand closing on his collar, choking him. Her face leaned closer, her eyes angry, cold and hard.

"Did you say something? Are we going to have an _argument_ about this?"

"We won't!" he croaked, still half-strangled. Her hand released him and her face broke into a malicious grin.

"Good idea. Especially considering that you couldn't force yourself to hit me!"

He suddenly crouched and his leg swept out, undercutting her. She fell on the ground, surprised, as he dropped on top of her, pinning both her wrists in his right hand and immobilizing her. His left fist hovered just above her face.

"You wanna test that theory?" he asked icily, his eyes glowing dangerously.

She squirmed, trying to release herself from his grip, but her wrists felt like they were encased in a cement block. She snarled at him.

He grinned back. "I always wondered where Rae's stubborn streak came from. Now I know!"

"It's called 'strength of will', smartass!"

He smirked. "Whatever you say. I know better than to argue with Raven's ornery side!"

"All right, let me go already!" she grumbled and stopped trying to fight out of his lock. He released her carefully and rose up, mindful of any sneak strikes. Somehow he felt that Green wouldn't shy away from cheating, if that's what it took to win.

He offered her his hand, wary of the possibility that she could pull or twist it to get back at him. But she just slapped it away and jumped up in a quick, fluid movement. His eyes widened in appreciation and she rewarded him for his admiration with a raised eyebrow and a crooked smile.

Straightening up, he looked at the arch and turned to her. "As a matter of fact, you are right. I'll probably need help."

She stopped the dusting off of her cloak and looked at him sharply. "You're not teasing me?"

"No. Things are only going to get worse, and you're the only fighter among your sisters… beside Red."

"Pah! That bitch imp would be a pushover if she didn't use magic! I'll take her on myself!"

"You would, at that!" he burst out laughing, then his face got serious. "You know you'll have to leave her to me." He stared at her intensely; he was not goofing around any more. Her lips curled back into a snarl, but then Yellow's hand fell on her arm. She glanced at the rational aspect and something passed between them without the need for words. She glanced back at Garfield and nodded a reluctant agreement, then her expression quickly changed into a wide grin. "Let's go!" she growled happily as she cracked her knuckles. "We shouldn't keep Father's creations waiting!"

* * *

There were at least two dozen of the large demons waiting for them. But that was not what worried him. It was the two huge ones, easily fifteen feet tall each. They were wingless, with powerful arms and legs, crocodile snouts full of sharp teeth and claws ending in deadly, curved talons.

"I'll go for the big ones!" Changeling said as he prepared to move.

Green scowled. "Oh, yeah? And who died and made you Commander-in-Chief?"

He whirled to face her. "Do you have to argue _everything_ I say?"

She grinned at him. "Rings a bell?"

He rolled his eyes, then laughed. She slapped his shoulder, hard. "Just teasin' ya. Quantity has a quality of its own!"

He morphed into a green rhino and charged the huge demons, scattering several small ones that stupidly tried to stand in his way. His target roared and bent down to sink its claws and teeth into the charging animal. Its four eyes flared with red hellfire as its head bent lower…

… and was engulfed in the wide-open jaws of a green T-Rex that grew unexpectedly from the charging rhino. The jaws clamped down, the demon's crocodile-like skull imploded and the creature dissolved into soot and ash.

The T-Rex promptly shrunk into a sparrow, flitting away from the enraged attack of the second monster. It circled around its head a couple of times, then streaked into its ear. The demon clamped a paw over it and bellowed, first in fury and then in pain as the side of its head swelled out and finally burst open, revealing a forty-inch, four hundred pound giant green clam inside. Dead on its feet, the demon disintegrated into fetid smoke and stinking ash while collapsing to the ground, the clam sprouting arms, legs and a head and landing on catlike feet on the rocky ground.

Garfield sneezed away some of the filthy ash and looked around to see if Green needed help. His jaw hit the floor.

She was a whirlwind of destruction, dancing a blindingly fast ballet of death, her lightning speed and unpredictable movements keeping her safe from the grasping claws and slavering jaws, her body twisting and bending and twirling and lunging, every movement finished by a blurring swift yet almost delicate jab of clenched knuckles or stiffened fingers into a weak spot – the throat, the ear, the eyes – or the lethal kick of a devastating heel to the temple or the back of the neck, smashing skulls, cracking spines, crushing windpipes, bursting arteries or driving jagged remains of broken bones and ribs tearing through brains, lungs and hearts.

In barely a minute the two dozen or more demons were turned into ash and foul smoke. She dusted off her cloak, sauntered over to Changeling and lifted his drooping jaw closed with a smug finger. Returning his amazed gaze with a smirk, she stretched and cracked her back and neck as if she just finished a pleasant but not too demanding bout of exercise.

"That. Was. _Awesome!_ " he managed to gasp. "Where the Hell did you learn _that?_ "

Green's smirk turned into a sneer. "Elder Sister's right. You _are_ an idiot. We used to train those moves every day!"

He shook his head, still finding it difficult to believe what he'd just seen. "I suppose Robin's lessons didn't go to waste," he muttered.

"They didn't," Green smirked again, then became serious. "Elder Sister relies too much on magic, but she's perfectly capable of going up close and personal." The smirk returned to his face, this time with a positively mischievous note to it. "You should do well to remember that fact."

She turned around and walked to the archway, leaving him to recover slowly from his astonishment.

* * *

The place used to stink of garbage before, but now it was complemented by a putrid stench of rot and decay that made them gag. The mounds of refuse that were piled up haphazardly all around were still there, also, but this time they were all sodden and drenched in the same black, non-reflective slime that oozed and dripped and flowed slowly down and around and then up to join its own source, confusing the mind and bending the law of Gravity to its own needs.

"Dis is Oradge's dobaid," Purple stated unnecessarily while she held her nose pinched between desperate fingers, trying to breathe through her mouth.

Garfield glanced back at her in sympathy, then his eyes went to the other two aspects. Green was scowling and her jaw muscles were bulging, but she looked capable of going on. Yellow seemed to be the least affected, though she was also breathing through her mouth.

"I hope we find her quickly," Gar said while he tried to take as small breaths as possible. His inhumanly sharp sense of smell was a major liability right now. "The sooner we can get out of here, the better!"

"Why do we have to deal with that loser anyway?" Green growled. "She's useless!"

Gar glared at her, scowling, then turned and continued his search. Green almost sighed, but remembered how unpleasant that would be right now and thought better of it.

He caught the sound of soft whimpering coming from ahead and hurried, his ears perking. Soon he was able to discern the words.

"Were is it? I can't find it!"

They rounded a few mounds of garbage drenched in coal-black slime, the words coming in clearer as they approached.

"I can't find it… Where is it? I lost it!"

He knew Orange was always filthy and her cloak always torn and stained, but nothing could've prepared him for what he saw. She was digging deeply and anxiously with both hands into a mound of refuse and trash coated in the sooty black secretion, her cloak almost completely smeared with it, her face covered in black streaks and her eyes and nose bleeding the tarry pus that flowed back into her mouth and ears. She removed a hand from the mound and used it to wipe her brow, trying to get rid of the burning slime, but it just added more of the stinking ooze to her hair and face. There was not a single patch of pale, delicate skin that was left unsullied. Her movements were jerky, frenzied, almost hysterical; she dug into the mound with frantic determination.

Garfield's chest ached and his throat tightened. Orange was probably the least understood of Raven's aspects, the one she most carefully hid and controlled and the one she least – if ever – showed to the world. But Gar knew it, and he also knew Orange was just as important as all her other emoticlones. After all, he carried something very similar in his own self.

"Hey," he called out and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. The black goo slid away almost fearfully from his touch, leaving behind a cloak stained with normal, _wholesome_ dirt.

She shook his hand off, ignoring him. "No, I have to find it… I misplaced it!" she whimpered and continued her feverish searching.

He grabbed her arms and pulled her away from the mound. "You haven't lost anything! You need to relax!" he said earnestly, but she fought him, trying to get back to her search, her eyes avoiding him and focusing on the slime-drenched mound of garbage. "I must find it…"

"Let go!" Garfield snarled at her, trying to get her to understand. He had to make her revert to her own lazy and uncaring self, but he didn't have any clue how to do it. He took her face into his hands and forced her to look at him. "It's not important. Nothing's important!"

"It is… I must… I can't…" she whined, trying to free herself. He studied the revolting slime writhing over her face, matting her hair and squirming over her body and he suddenly knew what he had to do.

His hands pulled her face closer and he kissed her.

The black, sooty goop fled as if in panic, splashing away from her, falling off her cloak and her arms and her face. It retreated, forming a circle a few feet wide around them, slowly expanding as she melted into his kiss and relaxed in his embrace. She returned the kiss slowly and lazily, making him smile inwardly. Her muscles unclenched, her mind drifted away, her body snuggled closer to him and the demonic liquid began smoking and bubbling as it was cleansed away from her and from her domain. The noisome vapor choked and seared the lungs, making the other aspects cough and wheeze, but the horrible stench was soon gone, unable to take hold of them any more. They finally broke the kiss and she lowered her head on his chest, purring happily, her eyes closed. He kissed her hair. It was matted and dirty, but he didn't care. The filth was natural and normal.

She was back.

"Let's go," he whispered into her ear and pulled her gently to the exit.

"Tired," she grumbled half-heartedly. "Wanna sleep."

"I know," he chuckled. "Just a little longer, then I'll let you sleep as long as you want."

"Praaaah… omise?" she asked through a massive yawn.

"I promise."

* * *

They walked on, searching for the next archway while Orange complained in an unceasing, unending drone. Purple tried to stop her ears, Yellow kept rolling her eyes and Green began growling softly.

"Let's take five, OK?" Garfield said and sat down on a rock. The slothful aspect immediately dropped down beside him, pillowed her head on that same rock and began snoring. He chuckled and ran his fingers though her greasy hair.

"Ugh! She could take a bath once a year!" Purple complained. "Useless bitch!" Green growled. Even Yellow was unhappy. "It is unsafe to drag her with us. We should leave her somewhere – "

Garfield had enough. He whirled on Yellow, his face twisted in anger.

"I could expect such nonsense from Purple and Green, but not from you!" he snarled at her. "You're supposed to be the smart one, and you're behaving like a clueless idiot!"

Yellow lifted both eyebrows in a gesture of annoyed surprise, but that heated Garfield's anger even more.

"You don't get it, do ya?" he shouted. "Without her, Trigon would rule. Without her, we wouldn't be together!"

"I fail to see how –"

He ground his teeth in irritation. "Remind me, what aspect is she?" he asked, fighting his anger down. He just couldn't understand how Yellow didn't see it.

She scowled and looked at the snoring Orange disapprovingly. "She's lazy, rude, filthy, hates any kind of effort, just wants to let go and drift –"

"Exactly!" Gar interrupted her. "She's the embodiment of lack of will, of _lack of control._ What does that tell you?"

Yellow watched him without any comprehension in her eyes. He sighed.

"She breaks that iron grip Raven's got on herself. She's the one that tells Raven to _let go_ and do what she _feels_ is right, not what anyone else – including you and the others – tells her to. Do you understand now?"

Yellow's eyes widened in understanding. Garfield nodded.

"If it wasn't for her, Raven would possibly never admit that she loved me, because you six were pulling each her own way, confusing and locking her into an emotional paralysis," he said, his voice soft but intense. "She needed to turn her back to all of you, to release the control, to let go and do what _she_ wanted, what _she_ felt was right."

"I understand," Yellow admitted. "And when Trigon almost won…"

"She didn't succumb to rage, or to fear, or to the logical certainty that we were all doomed. She let go again, found the hope and the strength that were always in her, and used them to win."

The three aspects watched their snoring sister now with different expressions.

"I suppose we should apologize to her," Green said firmly.

Gar chuckled. "No. Don't worry about it. If you tried, she'd just tell you to fuck off and let her sleep."

"I suppose she would!" Green laughed and leaned back, relaxing.

"So what do we do?" Purple asked, clasping her hands in affectionate concern.

"Nothing," Gar chuckled. "Nothing at all. Just behave the same as you did before. But now that you know, never forget."

"I don't think we ever will," Yellow assured him.

He grinned at her, then picked up the slovenly aspect in his arms while she still slept, snoring loudly.

"Let's go," he told the other three. "We still have a lot to do."

They all nodded, smiled and rose to follow him.


	13. I Hate You

**13\. I Hate You**

Having Raven's lazy aspect with them complicated things. It proved impossible to force Orange to walk more than a few hundred feet before she simply collapsed to the ground and started snoring loudly, indifferent to the place and the position she found herself in.

Even though the other aspects were now aware of her significance to Raven's psychological balance and well-being, they couldn't help grumbling about it. Garfield sighed in vexation, he was also getting tired of Orange's behavior.

"Any ideas?" he scratched the back of his head. "I can't go on carrying her. I must be free to react if something comes after us."

"I have one, though I must say I am not too keen on it," Yellow muttered. "I can create a hammock made from strands of black magic to carry her. I do not know, however, how long I can keep it up. It could be taxing."

"It's a good idea, but I don't want you exhausted. I may need your help in a fight – or after a fight," Garfield mused, then his face lit up. "Maybe if you and Purple combine your powers and do it together?"

"That would certainly help," Yellow nodded, then glanced at Purple. "Sister?"

Purple's eyes narrowed and she scowled at Garfield. "This is also going on your tab, you know?"

"I see it'll take quite some time to pay it off in full," he grinned at her playfully.

"You bet your delicious ass," Purple purred back at him, her lids closing halfway as she gave him a searing glance that made him shiver. Green snorted in disgust while Yellow cleared her throat.

"If you two are _quite_ finished…"

Purple chuckled and moved closer to Yellow, managing to brush against Garfield as she did so. Her touch sent his mind reeling and her scent invaded his nostrils. He felt the urge rise in him like a tidal wave, sweeping away all rationality.

A small, pale, grimy hand touched his and he felt the flood of unreasoning lust drain away. He looked at Orange and smiled.

"Thanks!" he said gratefully.

"Whatever," she yawned and curled on the ground again.

-=oOo=-

"Wait," Yellow called out with an uncharacteristic touch of anxiety in her voice. "Something's wrong."

They were walking for a while, with Gar and Green leading the way and Purple and Yellow carrying Orange behind them. As Garfield cleansed Raven's aspects, the distances they had to travel to reach the next realm increased, but they had finally approached another gateway. As before, there was no way of telling where it would lead.

"What is it?" Garfield asked, his eyes studying carefully the arch in front of them. For some reason it was in such places where Trigon's creatures always chose to ambush them.

"Look around you," Yellow grumbled. "What do you see? Or more to the point, what do you _not_ see?"

"Is it you that makes Raven speak in riddles all the time?" Garfield snapped impatiently. "Because it gets old very quickly."

"It's a habit of mine," Yellow shot back in a deadpan voice. "I choose the smartest person present to speak to; it usually turns out to be me."

Garfield huffed, irritated, but gave up the argument. He knew Yellow could run circles around him. He glanced over the landscape, trying to see what was wrong. Something scratched at the back of his mind, a warning signal from his animalistic side perhaps, woken up by Yellow's alert. His nostrils flared and his ears perked. He abandoned his logical mind for a moment and allowed his natural instincts to take over.

The hackles on his back rose and a deep, menacing growl rumbled from his throat. The puddles of black goo were gone.

"What does that mean?" he rumbled the question softly at Yellow. "What do those puddles represent in the first place?"

"Trigon's influence, in as few words as possible," Yellow replied dispassionately. "You saw it form the demons you fought. You saw it contaminate and corrupt our realms, and you saw it bursting out of us as you cleansed us."

Garfield frowned. "Why can't it touch me? Why does it try to form demons to kill me instead of simply corrupting me like it did to you?"

"Because our love protects you," Purple hummed, coming closer and placing a tender hand on his shoulder.

For a moment, Yellow's nose wrinkled, then her face smoothed out. "Purple Sister is right, as much as I don't like admitting it."

Garfield fought off another urge to seize Purple in his arms and wrestle her to the ground right then and there. He squirmed out from her touch, breaking her spell. He shook his head. "So what does that mean? I just can't believe that we won. It can't be _that_ easy."

Yellow shrugged. "I don't know."

"We haven't won by a long stretch," Green joined the conversation. "It means someone's gathering their forces. Someone's tired of attacking you piecemeal and is getting ready to go all-out on you."

Gar turned to Green. "And who may this 'someone' be?"

Green stared at him, a painfully familiar spark of exasperation in her eyes. "Not even you are that stupid."

-=oOo=-

They stepped through the archway and found themselves in a familiar realm. Garfield recognized it instantly.

" _Crud!_ " he hissed under his breath.

"Azar protect us!" Purple's hand covered her mouth in consternation.

"Hmmm. Somewhat unfortunate," Yellow mumbled.

"It was about time!" Green cracked her knuckles.

"Zzzzzz!" Orange snored.

They were in Red's domain.

"What now?" Garfield whispered to Green. "I don't want to fight Red."

"You'll have to," Green grumbled back. "As much as I'd like to twist her little demonic neck into a knot, I can't. It'll be up to you."

The changeling turned to Yellow. "Is there any possibility of handling Red without a fight?"

The rational aspect scoffed. "She represents Rage, Hatred, Jealousy, Bloodlust and all other negative emotions. Have you ever tried discussing things calmly and rationally with a rabid wolverine?"

"Look, she can't be that bad…"

The ground shook. Heavy thumping sounds came from the distance. Purple gasped, Yellow lifted an eyebrow and Green snarled.

"No. She's worse."

Garfield gulped and looked at where the sound was coming from.

 _Shit._

He remembered it well. It was the same representation of Trigon that he saw when he and Cyborg were… inadvertently sucked into Raven's mind.

The four-eyed giant approached quickly, its enormous legs swiftly swallowing the distance between them. It had no antlers and its eyes glowed yellow rather than red, but otherwise it was the image of Raven's father.

Garfield took a deep breath and cleared his mind of doubts and pointless worries. He would give out his best, and if that wasn't enough…

No. He _had_ to win. Not for himself, but for her. His jaw clenched and he took a step ahead.

"Stay behind me!" he warned Raven's aspects as he prepared his metamorphosis. He glanced back, noticing none of them replied. His eyes widened when he saw that his followers were all encased in bubbles of black power.

He glanced back at the approaching monster. She laughed thunderously, her lips curling back from feline teeth. A searing bolt of red flashed from her eyes and struck at where Garfield was standing a split second ago.

"They can't help you, little green bug!" she roared her fury. "I will tear you to pieces and broil you and cut you up!"

"We'll see about that," Garfield smiled mirthlessly. He may have hoped to avoid this confrontation, but deep inside he knew it was inevitable. No animal that ever roamed the Earth could resist the embodiment of Trigon the Terrible. But his power allowed him to feel the creatures that exist or have existed in the environment he was in and take their shape; that is how he could transform into Tamaranean beasts on Tamaran. And being in Raven's mind, it was not difficult to picture himself as the most powerful creature Raven knew.

His face extruded itself into a snout bristling with teeth that would make a T-Rex jealous. Dark green scales erupted on his back as his body grew to enormous proportions. Arms and legs lengthened into powerful limbs with claws that dug deep furrows in the incredibly hard obsidian below him. Grey-green wings unfurled from his shoulders to their full, majestic span. The green dragon, identical to Malchior in every aspect besides its color, reared on its hind legs and roared a challenge.

-=oOo=-

Dragon-Garfield towered over Trigon-Red, but not for long. A stream of sooty goop formed a pool around her and climbed up her legs, increasing the monster's size. Garfield realized he had to act quickly.

He took a deep breath and expelled a stream of liquid fire. Red screamed in pain and Garfield smiled inwardly. As a demon, Trigon-Red was immune to normal fire and his attack caught her by surprise. His breath was not an ordinary blaze; it was dragonflame, and it could burn or freeze or corrode or poison anything, whatever Garfield wanted it to do. And Garfield wanted it to _cleanse_.

Burning drops of Trigon's taint rained from Red and disappeared in choking ash and stinking smoke as she writhed in agony. More of the tarry goo flowed into her as she sucked it in, struggling to maintain her size and power. Garfield's flames ate into it remorselessly. If he could keep this up for a minute or two –

" _RAAAH!_ " the red behemoth thundered and a bolt of ruby power slammed into the dragon, throwing it back. Garfield shook his scaly head to clear it and sprung up, wings beating furiously to gain altitude and attack Trigon-Red from the air. Sanguinely lethal beams sought him out, one burning a hole in his left wing and the other searing his right hind leg. He screamed in pain and unleashed another gout of flame at the demon.

The tongue of flames collided with an almost solid beam of crimson magic, clawing and tearing and ripping into each other, pushing and striving to overcome as they seesawed back and forth from one combatant to the other. The lake of black tar that had formed around Trigon-Red ebbed slowly as she absorbed it to fuel her attack until it turned into a pond, and then into a small puddle beneath her huge feet. But Garfield was getting exhausted also; the effort to maintain the form of the enormous creature and the toll of his liberal use of dragonfire was showing. He was breathing heavily and his flame gouts couldn't last as long. He wouldn't win this way; he had to find a different strategy.

His wings worked furiously as they lifted him up, corkscrewing to avoid the beams Trigon-Red was sending after him. As he reached a respectable height, he plummeted down towards the demon, claws extended and jaw open, slamming into her and carrying them both to the ground.

The earth shook as their combined masses rolled over the obsidian landscape, crushing the diamond-hard rock into sand as if it was crumbling mortar, while they clawed and bit each other, searching for a vulnerable place to decide the duel once and for all. Both were breathing heavily, forsaking the magic and focusing on brute force, sharp teeth and tearing claws. Garfield's talons dug bone-deep into the demon's shoulder, while her hand closed on his right wing and her powerful wrist twisted, breaking the humerus like a twig. Both screamed their fury and their pain and tore into each other with renewed rage.

They fought on, ignoring their own pain and exhaustion. The demon's eyes glowed red while the dragon's eyes blazed white, they both understood only one of them would walk away. They slashed with claws, ripped with teeth, smashed with fists and pummeled with feet. Garfield threw Red against an obsidian cliff, shattering it into a myriad glittering pieces of black glass and breaking three of her ribs, but she grabbed his left arm and pulled him in an arc to slam him onto the hard stone. His arm snapped and he howled, almost blinded by pain. He tore himself away while she tried to cough up the blood that began filling her lungs. He fell on her, his wide-open maw seizing her throat. His jaws began closing and for a moment it looked like the fight was decided.

But the jerk of the powerful jaws that would end Red's existence never came. Completely immersed in berserk rage and abandoning all rationality, guided fully and only by the animalistic urge to kill and not be killed, Garfield was unable to force his jaws together. Killing Red would have unforeseen consequences for Raven; she would probably never be herself again, if she survived it at all.

The small hesitation was enough for Red to smash a fist into his head and throw him away. He fell on the rocky ground and his control of the dragon form finally broke. He shrank into his human self and lay on the stone, gasping for air.

Red rose up in pain, diminishing in size while Trigon's taint flowed off her, gathering into a small pond. She was too tired to hold onto it, and her shape returned to that of a red-cloaked Raven. She limped over to Garfield, four eyes blazing in rage, lips curled back from razor-sharp teeth and wisps of black magic coiling from under her cloak like tentacles.

"I don't need Father's help to deal with you," she snarled as the magic wrapped around him and began squeezing. "I will kill you myself!"

"Why?" was all Garfield could croak out. The fire in her eyes intensified.

"Why? _Why?_ " she shouted and the constricting coils curled harder around him, forcing the breath out of his lungs. He started seeing stars.

"You _left_ me! You _abandoned_ me! I had to fight him _alone!_ " she screamed at him. "I was wounded! I was in _agony!_ And where were you while I suffered all the pain? Suffered it for you and for every other worthless piece of shit on this planet? Where _were_ you? Making _fun_ of me? Sneering at the _creep?_ _Laughing at the witch?_ _IS THAT NOT SO?_ "

"Just… kill me," Garfield rasped. Even if her absurd, senseless accusations weren't a clear indication that she simply couldn't be reasoned with, he was unable to find the strength to fight her. Pain from his wounds crashed into his brain and his breathing was short and gasping, struggling against the squeeze she was putting on his body.

He had failed. He had lost. He would not bring Raven back.

That thought hurt more than anything Red or even Trigon himself could ever do to him.

"I will," Red hissed like a snake. "But I'll do it slowly. I want to enjoy it."

"Do it… already," he managed to growl. "Kill me… and become… your father."

" _HE IS NOTHING!_ " she screamed and tossed him furiously against a glass-like obsidian cliff. He crashed into it and heard several ribs crack. More pain assaulted his already half-numb consciousness.

"I have _defeated_ him! _Me!_ Not any of my sisters! _I_ was the one that sucked the power from him and turned it against him and blasted his mind to the Limbo where he came from!"

The new source of pain somehow cleared Garfield's mind. "Yeah," he whispered. "You did. And now… the way is clear… for you… to turn into him."

A black tendril picked him up, lifted him and slammed him on the ground. The tendons in his right leg snapped and the joint popped out of its socket. The pain was almost caressing.

" _I. AM. NOT. HIM!_ " she frothed. "I will _never_ be him! I am _myself!_ I don't need him, or you, or anyone else!"

"Sure," he managed to gasp. "Whatever. Just… get it over with."

An ethereal wisp of black power wrapped itself around his neck. It lifted him and brought him close to her. She snarled a grin into his face and turned to the pool of demonic liquid from which a host of demons was assembling, all gazing hungrily at the doomed changeling, all cackling in eager anticipation.

Red's eyes blazed. Without turning, she allowed the grasping tentacle to lay Garfield gently on the ground.

" _DIEEEEE!_ " she shrieked and sent a wave of dark energy over the demons, obliterating them and annihilating every vestige of whatever remained of Trigon's dark taint.

She turned back to Garfield and waved her hand. The black spheres that held her sisters captive floated closer. She dismissed the imprisoning fields and approached Purple, grabbing her cloak in a furious fist.

"Heal him, you slut!" she growled, then her four eyes closed and she collapsed to the ground, unconscious.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** Sorry for another delay, but hey, we're getting there! Bet you didn't expect the showdown with Red until later? There are worse things in Raven's mind than Rage and Hatred!


	14. Happy Times

**Happy Times**

Raven opened her eye and let out a deep breath, allowing her consciousness to float up to awareness from the meditative trance she was submerged in. It was followed by a painful groan as a concerto of discomfort immediately assaulted her mind. Her right leg was cramped, her back ached and her butt was both sore and numb from sitting in lotus position for hours. Without her powers, she was unable to levitate and counteract the effects of gravity on her body. She stifled another groan and tried to shift her position, seeking to alleviate the unpleasant feelings without much success.

She grumbled quietly and looked around. A smile lit up the unscarred half of her face in spite of the pins, needles and soreness she felt. Unused to prolonged meditation, Starfire had at some point slumped over and was now in deep slumber, her long mane of fiery red curls strewn all over Raven's pillow, her arms and legs jerking in quick, tiny movements, like a sleeping cat dreaming of chasing mice.

Slowly and methodically, without waking the Tamaranean, Raven pushed her paralyzed left leg away. She twisted and braced herself on her right arm, carefully extending her right leg and wincing as the aches intensified and washed over her. With an ease born from long years of practice, she ignored it all and focused on disentangling herself.

The awkwardness of being able to use only one arm and one leg and the wish to avoid disturbing her sleeping friend made it slow and cumbersome, but soon enough she was able to sit on the edge of the bed. She waited a few moments to gather her strength before she heaved herself upright, leaning on her good hand, then straightened and limped slowly and carefully towards the door.

It swished open silently and her smile widened. Just as she hoped, Nightwing and Red Star were sitting on the floor on either side of it, both sound asleep, and both also in positions that promised much discomfort once they woke up. They had remained waiting beside her door, ready to assist at a moment's notice, even after Jinx and Starfire evicted them from her room. But as much as they wanted to be close at hand if there was any need, exhaustion eventually stole over them and they fell asleep. Raven shook her head in silent amazement. She'd never understand why Azar would deign to bless her with such friends.

He hand touched Richard's shoulder and his head shot up, the grimace of pain on it forced away almost as soon as it appeared. He looked at her and opened his mouth to ask, but she silenced him with a finger over her lips, then pointed back into her room. He nodded and rose from his sitting position in a fluid movement that showed none of the soreness and stiffness he had to be feeling. She hid a small, amused chuckle and moved back into her room, stepping aside to allow Richard to follow her in.

He glanced at the sleeping Starfire and his eyes flashed back to Raven. She nodded. They always understood each other at a level deeper than mere words; even with their bond gone because of her dead powers, he received her message loud and clear. He bent over the slumbering alien and scooped her up gently, carrying her out of Raven's room with a silent nod of goodbye. Raven's smile widened and her gaze followed him as he carried the sleeping Starfire away to her room, until they disappeared around the corner.

"Leo," she bent over her other sleeping friend. "Wake up."

The Russian's eyes opened. Just like her once-leader, he was instantly awake and ready, but he made no effort to hide his pained wince.

"Is everything well, _sestrenka?_ " he frowned as he got up on his feet, stretching and shaking his arms and legs to get some blood circulating back into his limbs.

"Of course it is. Don't worry about me, I'm fine," she assured him. "Now go to your room and get some sleep."

His frown deepened. "I do not want to leave you –"

"I'll wake Jinx up. She'll keep me company. Stop worrying and go!" she said, trying to recall her best 'it-is-not-open-to-discussion' voice.

"If you wish so…" he surrendered with a grumble. "I could go and fetch Jinx for you."

"She's probably… _engaged_ with Wally right now," Raven smirked. "I think it's better if I go."

Red Star's frown remained on his face. "You are not fooling me, _Voronyonok._ What is real truth?"

Raven sighed. She was able to use Starfire to divert Richard's attention, but Leonid was also a good friend, and he knew her almost as well Robin, Cyborg or Starfire. "I just need to be _alone,_ " she mumbled and looked away. "All of you have been so… As much as I appreciate the love and kindness everyone's been showering me with, I need some time by myself."

"To do what?" his eyes glowed with a cold green light.

Raven's head sunk between her shoulders, still avoiding his eyes. "I need to… to be _me_ for a while."

"It is not wise for you to be alone now," his hand went up and touched her cheek, lingered there for a moment and then dropped. "But I will respect your wish." He turned and strode away. Raven watched him leave, sighed and retreated back into her room.

-=oOo=-

She climbed into her bed and relaxed, half-upright, into the pillows. Closing her eyes, she endeavored to chase away her fearful thoughts and calm the apprehension she hid so successfully from her friends. Her awareness turned inwards again, without the need to return into a meditative trance. Garfield's presence was getting stronger by the hour, which meant he was making progress. She could feel his determination, as hard and clear as an emerald; his love a warm tide that filled the dark places of her soul and brought light, comfort and relief.

But there was also pain. He was wounded, and badly. A cold trickle of anguish slithered down her spine. For an instant, her nails bit into the insensitive skin on her left shoulder as she tried to fight the despair that enveloped her in an icy embrace. If he failed… Azar help her, she didn't fear her own death. She already had more of life than she ever imagined she would, more than she had the right to expect –

 _No._

She chased the wretched thoughts from her mind. She had to remain calm and peaceful and give him a fighting chance. Gar would make it. He would make it because he cared, because he loved, because his selfless devotion simply would not allow otherwise.

A small smile spread over her ravaged features and she relaxed. Maybe, just maybe, there was a way for her to help him.

-=oOo=-

Nightwing laid Starfire down gently on her bed, pulled the blanket over her and stood watching her for a few moments, ignoring the burning sensation that tightened around his chest.

 _No,_ he mused silently. _Gar was wrong. I wasn't a coward. I didn't push her away to spare myself the pain, I did it to spare her. But I ended up hurting her much worse than..._

He shook himself off. _What's done is done. The only thing I can do now is try to rebuild the trust she once had in me._

His eyes studied fondly the sleeping girl. _She still loves me… but that's not enough. Maybe nothing will be enough now. But I know I have to try._

Sighing quietly, he finally headed for the door with stealthy steps.

"Richard," her soft whisper stopped him. He froze, unwilling to turn and face her. He heard a rustle of blankets and he knew she had straightened up into a sitting position in her bed. He felt her gaze burn holes in the back of his head. He swallowed to keep the hoarseness from his voice.

"You dozed off while meditating with Rae. She asked me to take you to your room," he spoke over his shoulder, his voice apologetic. "You should go back to sleep."

She was silent for a few moments. "I shall give her the scolding for that. She should not be alone."

Nightwing nodded, still refusing to look at her. He took a step towards the beckoning safety of the open door.

"Richard," she repeated. There was a small trace of sadness in her voice, and it plunged like a blade into his heart. His hands rose and grasped the doorframe, as if they wanted to help his paralyzed legs pull him out of her room.

"What is it?" he managed to strain through teeth clenched shut as tightly as his eyes.

More rustling of the blankets. The almost soundless steps of her bare feet approaching. Her scent becoming stronger, making his head spin.

"Your words… they were true?" she whispered. "Your decision, it was final?"

The knuckles on the fingers gripping the doorframe whitened. "For what it's worth, they were," he managed to keep the trembling away from his reply. "But I know… I understand. I just… I'm sorry I hurt you."

Her hand touched his shoulder. He flinched.

"You have said that you still love me," she said in an uncharacteristically hoarse voice. "And I have said that I would do the watching until I had the certainty."

He just nodded, unable to say anything. The pressure of her hand on his shoulder increased, demanding that he turn and face her. Slowly, painfully, his fingers released the doorframe and he spun around. His eyes searched the floor, the walls, anyplace but the soft green glow that called out to him.

Starfire's hands cupped his face. "I am watching, Richard. Watching and waiting for you to prove it."

It finally made him look up and meet the shining emerald of her luminous eyes, diving deep inside to drown and lose himself in them. His arms coiled around her hungrily and his lips fused with hers with starving abandon. The door hissed slowly closed, hiding them from view.

-=oOo=-

Everything hurt.

Places, organs and limbs he didn't even know he had hurt like hell. Some rational part of his mind suggested that it was probably due to the wounds received while maintaining a taxing transformation, but he pushed it away with an unreasonable, furious growl and propped himself up.

"What the Hell –" he shouted as soon as his vision cleared and he saw Yellow and Purple sprawled on the ground. His mind still not working clearly, he jumped on his feet and swayed, keeping himself from falling only with an enormous effort of will.

"Relax," a cold voice followed the restraining grip of a small but strong hand on his arm. "They're fine, just exhausted."

His gaze fell on the hand holding him and slid up until he met Green's cool gaze. The cobwebs in his mind cleared a little.

"What happened?" he managed to croak, the hairs on the back of his neck still standing at attention and the fire of his anxious anger only subdued, not extinguished.

Green sneered and cast a meaningful glance at a red-cloaked figure nearby. Without bothering to think about what Green meant, Gar snarled.

"I should've finished you when I could!" he growled and stepped towards Red threateningly. She remained silent, but her four eyes blazed and she grinned, revealing rows of sharp, triangular teeth.

He felt a sudden slap on the back of his head. "Down, boy!" Green snapped. "It's over!"

The sting of the slap brought him back to his senses. "Ow!" he complained and turned to frown at Raven's bellicose aspect, rubbing the back of his head and giving her an irritated look that demanded clarification.

"She's cleansed," Green explained impatiently. "Not that there's much difference," she added with a smirk.

Gar's frown deepened. "Then what –"

"Smartass and Heart-Eyes had a lot of healing to do," Green chuckled. "You two went all-out on each other." Her face split into a large, appreciative grin. "That was a nice fight!"

Garfield scowled at Red, his anger simmering down but still smoldering. Red snapped her teeth at him viciously and he bristled, the animals in him recognizing and reacting instinctively to the challenge.

"Knock it off!" Green growled in exasperation and stepped between them. Red's eyes flared, then dimmed. She pulled the hood over her head and sat in lotus position on the ground. She appeared to calm down for now, but four blazing red slits still glared at them dangerously from the dark depths of her hood.

Garfield grumbled, gave Red a final, warning look and turned his attention to Green. "They're exhausted from healing us?" he asked unnecessarily. Green just rolled her eyes at his dumb question and nodded. "They need to sleep it off and recover. We're not finished yet."

"I suppose so," Gar muttered. "So we just have to wait, right?"

Green just waved her hand, not deigning to answer that question. She lowered herself on the ground and sat cross-legged with an impatient frown on her face. Gar grinned and sat down behind her, leaning his back against hers. He felt her stiffen for a moment and tensed, expecting the sting of slap or even the smack of a fist, but she relaxed and eased back into him. His grin widened, his eyes closed and he quickly dozed off.

He woke up still sore but much refreshed. The first thing he was aware of was her scent; the well-known essence of his love, combined with a hard, unyielding undertone that reminded him immediately where and in whose company he was. He also became aware of gentle fingers going through his hair and of the warmth of smooth skin pressing on his cheek. He squinted, careful not to move any other muscle. He was laying on the ground and his head was resting in Green's lap; it was her tender caress that he was feeling.

His eyes opened fully and swiveled up to meet her gaze. She scowled down at him. "If you even _hint_ to anyone that this ever happened, you'll regret it for a very long and _very_ painful time!" she whispered menacingly, but her hand continued running its fingers though her hair. He smiled, nodded slightly, closed his eyes and relaxed.

After a couple of minutes, however, Green suddenly got up and Garfield's head bonked on the hard ground. He choked down a pained exclamation but couldn't hold back an angry rumble. Green ignored him and strode off, heading for her two sister aspects that had finally recovered from their exhaustion.

Gar heaved himself up and joined them. On an unspoken agreement, Green helped Purple while he offered Yellow his hand and pulled her up. After a few moments of dusting off and quiet conversation, they were ready to continue their quest.

-=oOo=-

Gar shuddered. He remembered this realm well, it was one of his fondest memories. But as much as his mind tried to reject what his eyes were showing him, he had to accept the horrible reality of it all. Pink's domain was hideously changed; it was perverted and twisted into a sickening parody of itself.

The happy pink of the sky was now suffused with a filthy grey, leeching out all of its joy and making it look like the splotchy skin of a drowned corpse. The green meadow was a sea of disgusting, oily mud covered with rotten fibers of dead grass whose tentacle-like roots writhed with a vile craving to coil around their ankles and mire and trip them. Sweetly smelling flowers were replaced by loathsome abominations whose thick, meaty petals stank of carrion. What once were colorful butterflies were now huge flies of a venomous, metallic green, attracted by the stench to buzz around the repulsive growth, only to be captured in the sticky, noisome goo and be devoured slowly while still fighting weakly to escape.

"This is _wrong,_ " Gar whimpered. "How… how is this possible?"

"Trigon," Yellow shrugged, as if it was self-evident, but Gar noticed an apprehensive gleam in her eyes. Purple's hand touched him in a reassuring gesture. Green scowled and Red grinned – amused or enraged, Gar couldn't tell. Orange snored.

There were no real landmarks except for a few gnarly, stunted trees and the archway behind them. Picking a random direction, Garfield set off with Raven's aspects in tow.

"I was expecting sadness and sorrow," he muttered in a low voice, feeling a terrible wrath building inside. "But this… This is not sad. This is _repugnant_. What did he turn Pink into?"

"If anything, she shouldn't be dangerous," Green growled. "Big Sis never gave her much power."

"Thank Azar, she didn't," Yellow mumbled under her breath, but Gar caught it and scowled at her. The rational aspect arched an undaunted eyebrow at him.

"Whatever happened, we can take her," Green cracked her knuckles. "She was always a wimp!"

"Not to mention dumb as a stick!" Yellow sighed. Garfield had enough; he was just about to give them a piece of his mind, when a malicious titter rang out, seemingly coming from everywhere around them.

"Is that so, sisters?" A black portal opened beneath Garfield's feet and he fell into it with a surprised cry. "Let's see what Beastie-Boo thinks about it!"

-=oOo=-

Garfield squirmed, but the strands of dark energy that held him spread-eagled on the muddy ground were as unyielding as they were ethereal.

"What the Hell?" he muttered apprehensively, trying unsuccessfully to morph into a small bird and free himself. A menacing chuckle made him look up at the pink-cloaked figure looming over him.

"Oh, Beastie-Boo," she crooned in a hoarse purr that made his hackles rise for some reason. "Do you really wish to run away and leave poor Pinky-Winky alone, all by herself, without her _fun?_ "

"Fun? Whaddaya mean, _fun?_ " Gar frowned. Could it be possible that she wanted to… but no, Passion and Lust were Purple's domain. What did she _want?_

She lowered herself beside him, crossing her legs. "The fun I'm going to have with _you!_ "

"Look, if you wanna, y'know, do _that,_ I can promise it's better if my hands are free!"

"Yuck!" she exclaimed with a disgusted expression. "Keep that stuff for Purple Sister!" She bent over him and lifted a hand, the index finger pointing skywards and a small, inch-long blade of black power forming over it. Her eyes blazed and split into four.

"I want to hear how loud you can scream," she chuckled wickedly and dragged the blade under his cheekbone. It split the skin effortlessly as it moved towards his nose, leaving a long but shallow gash behind it. Blood welled out and dripped over his cheek.

" _OW!_ " Garfield shouted and jerked uselessly against the mystic restraints. "Hey, that hurts!" What was going on? This couldn't be the same sweet, innocent, downright _silly_ Pink he knew and loved. What did Trigon do to her?

She gave him a depraved grin. "Of course it did, you idiot. And it's going to hurt a lot more soon enough!"

Her nostrils flared as she made another incision on the other side of his face, symmetrical with the first. Gar inhaled sharply and grit his teeth to keep himself from crying out again. Her grin widened.

"Interesting," she hummed. "Your blood is red. I was expecting it would be green. You must have a lot of mutated melanocytes in your skin." She dismissed the blade and tapped her finger thoughtfully on her chin.

"If I drain you of blood completely, I'll be able to see your real skin color," she mused to herself, then fixed him in a fiendish gaze. "It's a good idea, but I'll have to leave it for last. First I want to enjoy myself for a while." Her four eyes blazed with infernal crimson. "A _long_ while."

She hopped to her feet and waved a hand. Wisps of ethereal blackness erupted out of her fingers and solidified into several pieces of furniture and equipment. There was an examination table, complete with restraining straps, a metallic stand holding a tray with medical instruments, and several pieces of machinery. The latter were created almost clumsily; the dials were placed haphazardly over the surface and the screens were filled with gibberish. They were apparently only for show, created based on a not-too-certain memory.

Garfield gulped. If there was one thing he was utterly _terrified_ of, it was –

"Remember when you told Ravey-Poo what your greatest fear was?" she glanced at him, the grin on her face now transformed into a perverse leer. "We'll enjoy it together!"

He felt himself lifted and placed on the examination table. Thick leather straps wrapped themselves around his legs, arms and chest. A wisp of black mist still remained coiled around his neck, not allowing him to morph. His fear grew into terror and approached panic; he twisted and writhed, trying desperately to free himself. Pink's satisfied grin grew even wider.

"It's scary, isn't it?" she teased him. "I wish I had my empathy. I'd really love to feel the fear in you." She pursed her lips in disappointment and leaned closer. "I suppose I'll have to be satisfied with watching the pain and terror in your eyes. Before I carve them out, of course."

A mix between a moan and a whine escaped Garfield's throat. His arms and legs jerked and struggled, his back tensed and arced again and again, flopping like a fish out of water. The animals inside him screamed their reasonless, horrified fright into his mind, drowning out any rational thought. His fearful whine rose into a howl; droplets of sweat flew off his forehead as he whipped his head against the restraints. His eyes bulged out, watching her without blinking as she selected a large saw from the tray and turned to him.

"Wrist or shoulder?" she frowned as if in thought, then broke into a happy smile. "I know! I'll split the difference. Elbow it is!"

She brandished the saw and stepped closer, her four eyes burning with morbid hunger and her mouth twisted in a snarling grin, revealing triangular, slavering teeth grinding against each other in anticipation. Garfield's mind went completely blank and for a split second all the animals quieted, as if to take a deep breath to shriek in unison their instinctive terror and obliterate any humanity left in him. But before the primal scream could be released, a soft, dry voice echoed in the empty vault that was his brain.

 _Having that thing inside doesn't make you an animal. Knowing when to let it out is what makes you a man._

This was not a time to let it out. This was a time to be smart, not that he had much experience with it. He felt the panic leave him; he was still terrified, but his mind was working again.

She noticed his eyes clearing and her grin turned into a snarl, a soft hiss of anger and disappointment flowing from her throat. The crimson in her eyes flared dangerously and she stepped closer, lifting the saw.

"Wait!" he shouted, but she ignored him. His brain worked furiously, looking for a way out. The happy, innocent, childish aspect was corrupted by Trigon into a sadistic brat that enjoyed ripping legs off ants and putting them on a hot plate to watch them squirm. She still represented Joy and Happiness, but she looked for them in pain, torture and despair. There had to be something that he could use to bring her back –

The saw bit into his arm and he screamed.

"Yessss," she whispered sibilantly. Blood spurted out and a few drops splashed her face. She wiped them off with her hand and licked her fingers. "Mmmm. Delicious."

The first incision was not deep, but it was agonizingly painful. Garfield grit his teeth. "Wait," he repeated.

"I can go more slowly if you want," Pink cooed, moving the saw forward again. Garfield gasped, squeezed his eyes shut and tried to ignore the pain.

"Knock knock!" he groaned.

Pink scowled. "What?"

"You're… supposed to… say 'Who's there?'"

"Rrrngh!" she growled and pushed the saw a few inches further. Gar inhaled sharply and let out a moan. The grin returned to her face. "Who's there?"

"G – Gar," he gasped.

"Gar… who?" she crooned and pushed the saw again. Garfield choked another scream, breathing heavily.

"Gar… dian of… your love," he managed to gasp. She glared at him and guffawed, then her face sobered up. "Stupid!" she growled and pulled the saw back. This time Gar could not hold back his scream.

"This is really fun!" she purred approvingly. His breath was ragged and his throat was dry; it was almost impossible for him to speak. But he had to try. _Not for me,_ he reminded himself. _It's for her_.

She pushed the saw again and it scraped against the bone. He almost bit his tongue off trying to prevent a painful shriek from bursting out of him. "How many… Tamaraneans… does it take… to change a light bulb?"

Her eyebrows went up. "I don't know," she grumbled. "How many?"

"Five," he wheezed. "One… to hold the light bulb… and four… to turn the house."

Pink guffawed again. Garfield saw the opening and gritted his teeth against the pain. This was his chance.

"A human, a Tamaranean and an Azarathian walk into a bar…" he began.

-=oOo=-

"I'll _kill her!_ " Red snarled.

"You said that already," Green growled back at her. "A couple hundred times!"

Red glared at her, black mist forming around her fists. Green's eyes narrowed. Yellow stepped between them.

"You are wasting time and energy in pointless squabbles!" she chided them, brushing off their furious stares. "We need to find them quickly, before Pink Sister can bring any harm to him!"

"Then stop trying to be Miss Obvious and let Purple Sister guide us!" Orange grumbled, then yawned. "Now let me sleep. This was exhausting."

Yellow blinked; Green and Red exchanged confused looks. "Purple?"

"I… we still keep a small part of our bond," the loving aspect muttered, blushing. "It's far from perfect, but I can sense him somewhere…" she waved a hand in a discouragingly large arc, "… over there."

" _Rrragh!_ " Red roared. " _Now_ you tell us? I should rip your throat out! And pluck your eyes for being so _useless!_ "

"Cool down!" Green gripped her arm. "It's not perfect, but it's a hell of a lot better than what we had!"

Red yanked her arm free and snarled at Green, but quieted down. They started walking in the approximate direction where Purple had pointed.

"I'll tear her heart out and make her eat it!" Red droned in a hoarse growl. "I'll rip out her guts and strangle her with them! Trigon help me, if she touched _a single hair on his head_ –"

"– then you'll have to wait in line behind me!" Green interrupted her. Yellow rolled her eyes, tuning out their bickering and focusing on following Purple and carrying Orange. They trudged along through the sticky, sucking mud.

"Is it me or is this Trigon-cursed mud getting drier?" Red mumbled. "I wish I could fly!"

"The sky seems a little lighter, also!" Green nodded. Purple looked at them over her shoulder. "We're getting closer to him!" she said excitedly. "But it's not only that. The bond… it's getting stronger!"

"What does that mean?" Green grunted. "Can you get a more precise location now?"

Purple nodded happily. "Just follow me!"

Yellow stopped suddenly in her tracks. The magic carrying Orange dissipated and the slovenly aspect fell on the ground.

"Ooof!" she complained. "What's the idea, you four-eyed bitch?"

Yellow extended a hand with a pointing finger. It trembled almost imperceptibly. "Is that a… butterfly?"

They quickened their pace, following Purple who was almost running by now. The ground became ever more solid and tufts of sweetly-smelling grass appeared, widening and spreading into small islands, merging with others and expanding further. Many-colored flowers opened everywhere and swayed on a gentle, refreshing breeze. Strawberries, peaches and oranges floated through the air giving it a delightful scent.

"Just behind that hill!" Purple shouted breathlessly and ran. The other aspects followed.

"I'll kill her when we find her!" Red grumbled. "How does she _dare_ change everything on us?" Green rolled her eyes.

They finally reached the top of the hill and looked down in disbelief at the scene below them. Garfield was sitting cross-legged on the ground, holding firmly a bloody arm, his face split in a pained but happy grin, while Pink rolled on the ground, her hands holding her belly and her cloak covered with flower petals and seedpods, while her musical laughter filled the freshly-smelling air with joy.


	15. The End

**Author's Note:** I know, I'm sorry! But between my Internet problems, this year's BBRae Week and just plain laziness it took me a while to drag my sorry ass over to the chair and start typing.

-=oOo=-

 **The End**

She could feel it again. It was weak and torpid, uncoiling like a snake awoken from hibernation, slow and uncertain, dark and cold and hungry. She shivered as her mind touched it apprehensively. The contact was not an agreeable one; it was like sinking your fingers into cold slime. Even after all the years it lived inside her, she never got used to it. She never would.

She sighed inwardly before she resolutely shut herself off to the unpleasantness. It was just another curse that her father saw fit to burden her with. She bore it without complaining all this time; she would keep bearing it all her life. The fact that she was able to turn that same curse against its creator and all others like him didn't really make it easier, but it did give her confidence and satisfaction.

Clearing her mind of thoughts and feelings with an ease born of long years of training and practice she plunged in and embraced the power that was stirring again inside her. It was still tainted, but her father's filth was driven back from the shores of her soul, leaving a shallow, cleansed pool she could sink into. She allowed it to seep into her mind and mingle with her thoughts, pushing ever-branching roots deep inside her consciousness. She sensed again its familiar craving to gorge itself on her emotions, to devour them without consuming them and to grow ever stronger while stoking the fire of her feelings in a feedback loop that would quickly spiral out of control destroying everything around her unless she kept a tight rein on it.

There wasn't much of it, even after Garfield's efforts. She couldn't start healing herself – at least not yet. But it was enough for what she wanted to do.

Her right hand lifted and bent clawlike as a frown of fierce concentration twisted her features. A wispy black mist enveloped the mirror resting discarded on the floor and it floated up towards her, bobbing and weaving haltingly until she allowed it to drop in her lap, releasing a deep, relieved breath and wiping the perspiration from her forehead.

 _It worked,_ she thought with satisfaction while she waited for her heart to slow down and her breathing to return to normal. _I can do this. I can help him._

The knowledge filled her heart with warmth that quickly spread out from her chest to tingle deliciously in her undamaged limbs. Her power drank it greedily, bubbling and churning in small, icy, demanding whirlpools. A tiny smile lifted the unscarred corner of her mouth up. Her hand grasped the handle of the mirror and lifted it to her face.

The mirror fell on the blankets with the softest of thuds. The dark, empty room waited silently.

-=oOo=-

A small frown creased Yellow's brow, her eyes following the giggling pink aspect as she made choo-choo sounds and pumped her fists backwards and forwards while trotting around them. The embodiment of Raven's common sense, wisdom and knowledge forced her face to smooth out and endeavored to smother the irritation that Pink's antics always brought up in her. Pink was stupidly naive, she refused to take things seriously and she never bothered to _think_. More than anything, she irritated the calm, logical and rational aspect without Yellow being able to understand _why,_ and that was in turn _frustrating,_ and _that_ in turn increased Yellow's annoyance to absolutely _unacceptable_ levels.

"Is this the one?" Garfield's question startled her out of her grumbling introspection and made her look up in surprise. She blushed, realizing she'd lost awareness of her surroundings for a few minutes, a completely _inadmissible_ state of affairs. She felt the embarrassing heat burn her cheeks, confusing her even further. It was all Pink's fault, of course. Her annoyance rose utterly _intolerably_ before she managed to get a hold of herself, bite back a nasty comment about the silly aspect's maturity and clear her mind.

"Hmm?" she mumbled with fake disinterest. "I'm sorry, I was thinking… about something."

Gar lifted an eyebrow and Yellow barely managed to fight the urge to swallow. Great, now Pink made her – _Her!_ – look like an _idiot_ in front of _him_.

"I asked if this was the archway to Grey's domain," Gar repeated his question as mildly as he could. As much as he wanted to tease Yellow for her obvious discomfort, he kept his mouth shut, his tongue firmly leashed and his eyes affectionate.

Yellow recovered quickly. "We've been to all the others. She's the only one remaining. _Ergo,_ it can't lead anywhere else."

Gar managed to keep his face straight but his eyes sparkled. " _Ergo?_ "

"Latin for 'therefore', you ignoramus!" Yellow snapped, realized she did so and blushed again.

Garfield turned to the other aspects to hide the grin he couldn't keep off his face any more. Waving a hand to signal that they should follow him, he stepped through the archway.

A flat, grey, unadorned wall stretched as straight as a ruler all the way to the horizon on both sides. A simple rectangular opening in it stood right in front of them, unsettling in its nondescriptiveness. Gar took a step forward to enter the maze, but a hand touched his arm and stopped him.

"Wait," Yellow said softly. "You should be warned. Grey is…"

Gar looked at her quizzically. "She's what?"

Yellow stood silent, not meeting his gaze. The changeling's eyes swept over the other five aspects. Purple's face was hidden under the hood, Pink was hugging herself, Red was scowling at the floor and Green was pointedly looking away from him. Even Orange appeared unsettled.

"What's going on?" Gar asked as he felt a twinge of apprehension shiver down his spine.

"We can't fight her," Green growled quietly, as if ashamed at the confession.

Yellow took a deep breath. "Green sister is right. She's stronger than all of us put together. If we fail… if _you_ fail, we will all…"

Garfield gulped, then his face hardened. "Well, then, I'll just have to make sure I don't, now, won't I?" he said coldly and turned to enter the maze.

"Hold!" a sudden snarl stopped him. He looked over his shoulder at Red. She walked over to stand beside him and jerked her head angrily at the other aspects. "They never understood her. I'll go with you. Leave them rotting here if they're so afraid!"

Green's eyes narrowed at the challenge. She grabbed Orange by the hood and pushed her forward towards the entrance, then glared at the others. "Let's go!" she commanded.

-=oOo=-

"It's useless," Yellow told Gar, seeing him drag the fingers of his left hand over the maze wall as they walked.

"Huh?" he turned to look at her in surprise. Yellow sighed. "You are trying to use the method of always turning left in order to find an exit from the maze," she explained. "It's useless, as I said. As soon as we turned the first bend, it reconfigured itself behind us."

Gar's eyebrows shot up. "You mean…"

"Yes," she nodded gravely. "There is literally no path out. We're at her mercy."

Garfield scratched the back of his head in confusion. "Then how…"

"If she decides she wants to meet us, she will," Yellow shrugged. "If not…" she left the rest of the sentence hanging over them like a sinister thundercloud.

Changeling scowled. "Then why walk? Why doesn't she simply come and talk to us – if she wants?"

"Rrrrn!" Red butted into their conversation with a growl. "Don't you know _anything?_ She's Fear and Shyness and Insecurity! She doesn't go after _anyone!_ If she wants to see you, she'll let the Labyrinth guide you to her, but don't expect _her_ to look for _you!_ "

Gar snorted. "If she's such a wimp, how come you're all so afraid of her?"

Red's four eyes blazed with rage and her hand shot forward to grasp the front of his uniform, twisting it furiously and dragging him closer to her snarling teeth. Then the hellfire in her eyes dimmed, the hand released him and she slapped his cheek gently a couple of times. "You'll see," she whispered ominously.

They continued their apparently random trek through the twisting passages. All of Gar's inquiries of "How much longer?" were met with silence and shrugging of shoulders. He felt anger slowly simmering inside him, threatening to come to a boil. A small, soft, warm hand took his own and he relaxed immediately. He looked at Purple, squeezed her hand back lovingly and smiled at her.

She made him stop and caressed his cheek. "Don't get angry. She'll sense it and become afraid, and she'll hide from us. You must be loving and understanding, and speak gently to her."

"I always do," he whispered, took her hand from his cheek and kissed it. She smiled and nodded her encouragement.

The suddenness was unnerving. They turned a bend and walked into a slightly wider area with no visible exits. Gar groaned, his legs tired and his frustration with the need to again retrace his steps flaring. He turned and was shocked to see that the passage they just came through was gone. There were no openings in the wall; they were effectively sealed in.

He fought down a rush of panic. Pink and Purple pressed themselves against him, and all the other aspects gathered closer. He looked around.

A tiny whimper came from the darkest corner of the chamber. "Wait here!" he told his companions and stepped towards it.

The darkness she wrapped herself into was unnatural. Even Gar's eyes couldn't pierce it completely. All he could see was a grey clump, an ill-defined mound huddled in the corner, shifting slowly and whining softly as he came closer.

"Hey," he whispered, crouching and keeping his hands visible in a non-threatening position, as if he was approaching a frightened animal. "It's okay."

The grey mound shrank away from him. He stopped his advance and sat down cross-legged, his hands resting calmly on his thighs. He waited patiently.

After a while, she seemed to relax a little. The eldritch darkness shrouding her cleared slightly and a hooded head lifted slowly, her beautiful eyes watching him fearfully. He breathed with unhurried regularity and made no move, looking at the wall beside her and letting her study him carefully.

"I'm sorry…" she whimpered. Gar's lips curled in a small, accepting smile, but he still kept his eyes away from her. It seemed to encourage her, because she shifted a little and a small hand appeared from under the grey cloak.

"I… I know you don't like me," she whispered. "Because of what I did. Because of what I have to do."

He shook his head very slowly and carefully, his eyes glued to the wall beside her. "I could never not like you. You are a part of her, and I love you as much as I love everything else about her."

She swallowed. "Even…"

He nodded slowly. "Even Red. Even Orange." Finally he allowed himself to look at her. "Even you."

She fell silent. His eyes returned to the wall and he sat smiling like a slim jade Buddha. She ventured to move a little closer.

"Gar…" she whispered, then looked down. "I have to do it, Gar. I'm sorry."

Again he shook his head slowly. "You don't. But whatever you do is all right with me." His eyes sought hers again. "I will always love you."

Her finger drew a convoluted path on the floor. "You're not making it easy for me…"

"I know," he sighed softly. "I'm sorry."

"You… won't hate me?"

"I could never hate you."

Silence descended between them. They sat immobile for a while. Then her hand lifted.

"It will be painless," she said hoarsely. "It's the least I can do. Please forgive me."

"There's nothing to forgive," he murmured. "I love you."

Two tears slid from her eyes to meet at the point of her chin. Her hand rose. The other emoticlones rushed forward in desperation.

Her gaze lifted and she merely looked at them with infinite sadness in her eyes. Time stopped. All of Raven's aspects stood perfectly still and powerless. Garfield couldn't move a muscle; he couldn't breathe and his heart was not beating. But somehow he was still alive… yet. She looked at him again, leaned closer and her lips barely touched his.

"I love you, too," she told the ensorceled green youth quietly. "Thank you for understanding."

Sadness enveloped him. _I've failed,_ he thought. _It's all over. I just hope… maybe there's a place we will meet again._

The thought gave him strength. He wished he could close his eyes and take a deep breath and carry the sweetness of her scent with him to oblivion. But nothing moved; not the air in his lungs nor the blood in his veins.

Her hand lifted.

 _I love you, Rae._

-=oOo=-

"Wait."

Grey's hand descended and hid under her cloak. "Elder Sister, I'm sorry…"

Some of his senses worked in spite of the absolute paralysis he was under. He couldn't turn his head and look at her, nor could he breathe in and smell her. But he heard the unmistakable, quiet scuff of her soft boots as she approached.

She wasn't limping.

If his heart wasn't paralyzed together with everything else it would have burst with joy. A thousand, a million confused thoughts broke loose and sprinted through his head, crackling like electric sparks, burning his mind from numbed dazedness to euphoric overdrive and back. How? When? Why?

"I'm here to stop you," Raven said gently as she lowered herself into a lotus position beside Garfield. Her hand grasped his, and his mind cleared and calmed instantly, but he was still unable to move.

Grey shook her head sorrowfully. "You can't stop me, Elder Sister. If you try, I will have to destroy you, also."

Raven's eyebrow rose. Gar couldn't see well, unable to focus on her, but he was sure he could hear a note of amusement in her voice.

"If you tried that… assuming you actually succeded… it would mean you would disappear, too."

"I know," Grey said, then lifted her tearful eyes to gaze at Raven. "It would finally end it."

Raven chuckled. "It would end in any case. There is no life for me without him."

"Then there is no need for you to try to stop me," Grey's voice became uncharacteristically strong. "It will set us free from all the pain, all the suffering, all the _loneliness_."

Raven clicked her tongue in playful disagreement. "There are much better ways to deal with it," she smirked at the grey aspect. "Besides, I won't let you."

Grey hunched her shoulders. "I wish you could stop me. But you never could, and you never will." Her eyes turned to Garfield and her hand appeared from under the cloak again. "Goodbye, Gar. And… forgive me."

A second passed, as long as a century. Grey's eyes widened in shock and fear. She turned to Raven and the sad, understanding smile on her face.

"Do you remember what he told us so long ago?" the sorceress spoke softly. " _You think you're alone, Raven, but you're not_. I wasn't in love with him at that time, but even so his words sealed my fate." Her hand moved and touched Grey's cheek tenderly. "You no longer have power over me."

Grey's lower lip trembled and her eyes filled with tears. Raven opened her arms welcomingly and the anguished aspect fell into her embrace, sobbing uncontrollably.

"Shhhh. It's okay. It's all right. We still love you. You're still one of us. Calm down."

It took a long while, but Grey finally stopped crying. She huddled in Raven's embrace, shivering and sniffling. Raven kissed the top of her head, then cupped her chin and brought it up to look into her eyes. "It's time for us to join again."

"D-do you r-really think so?" Grey stuttered. "A-after all I-I've done?"

"It wasn't your fault," Raven assured her. "It was him. But he won't be able to touch us ever again."

"W-will the others be t-there, too?"

Raven nodded. "I'll meld with them right away. Don't worry, you won't wait long."

The timid aspect sniffled once more, wiped her eyes and offered her hands to Raven. Their fingers touched and Grey's form became incorporeal before she sank into Raven to become again an indivisible part of her. The sorceress sighed and remained motionless for a moment, then smiled and waved her hand. The emoticlones surged forward on their previous trajectories and ended up in a multicolored heap on the floor.

"Up, ladies!" Raven's voice cut through their mutual wrangling over whose elbow was in whose ear and which fat cow was smothering who. One by one the aspects disentangled themselves, became ethereal and fused with Raven. Purple remained last, waiting for all the others to merge before she leaned and began whispering in Raven's ear.

The sorceress' eyebrow slowly rose as she listened. Purple finished and they both turned their heads to gaze at Garfield with a… _disturbing_ expression in their eyes. Raven turned to Purple.

"With _compound_ interest, you said?"

Purple nodded. Both directed another glance at the changeling, who by now was free of the paralysis. It allowed him to gulp and run a finger under the collar of his uniform.

Purple's mischievous giggle faded as her body lost substance and was absorbed into Raven. The sorceress winced a little and floated up, stretching her legs to the floor.

 _Her legs,_ Gar thought. _Her beautifully sculpted, delicious, exquisite legs._ He tore his eyes away and looked into the breathtaking amethyst beauty of her eyes. _Both_ her eyes.

Her face was unscarred, the lips he loved to kiss and nibble so much perfectly pale and invitingly full and curled ever so slightly upwards in amusement at his gaping.

"Rae…" he croaked through a parched throat, "are you… healed?"

Her smile widened. "Of course not, silly. Healing myself will take weeks. You see me like this because you're in my mind. You see me the way I want you to see me."

He jumped up to his feet. "I always see you like this," he told her in all seriousness. She sensed his sincerity and blushed.

"Let's go," she muttered, trying to ignore the heated fluttering inside her. She bit her lip, took his hand and opened a portal to her room.

-=oOo=-

He took her in his arms and kissed her passionately as soon as they stepped out of the portal.

"Gar…" she moaned and tried to push him away. She was again the same scarred wreck, and the shame she felt about the way she looked wasn't entirely Trigon's doing. "No, Gar, please! I'm –"

"– Beautiful," he interrupted her and lifted her easily in his arms, carrying her to the bed. He laid her gently down and again his lips fused with hers. "Did Purple tell you about my debt?" he hummed in her ear after the kiss ended.

"Y-yes," she gasped at the sensation of his lips gliding down over her throat, his fingers already busy with the clasp of her cloak. Her entire body tingled; now finally free of her father's loathsome influence she could at last give herself up to his love without shame or regret. "Gar…" she called his name again, as if she was trying to convince herself it was not a dream.

"You said it would take weeks," he mumbled as his fang grazed the skin of her neck, just over the carotid. She shivered and hissed in a sharp breath, expelling it in a long, lusty moan, not really understanding nor caring what he was talking about any more. "I don't want that compound interest to accrue too much."

A small modicum of sense returned while he peeled the leotard off her body and hastily removed his own clothes. "Gar…" she breathed his name yet again. His arms went around her and his mouth and teeth searched her skin hungrily, making her head spin. He rumbled a long "Hmmmm?"

"Shut up and love me," she demanded in a hoarse whisper. He grinned and kissed her, and focused on granting her request.

-=oOo=-

 **Another Author's Note:** Yeah, it's finished, but it's not over yet. There are quite a few loose ends to tie up, and I'll do it in a hopefully-soon-to-come epilogue. So stay tuned, I have some ideas that'll keep it interesting!


	16. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

Raven sighed softly and pressed herself closer to the sleeping Changeling. _Just a few minutes more,_ she convinced herself easily while she absorbed the blissful sensation of his warm nearness and dove deep into the painfully joyful feelings that swelled in her heart and filled her soul to overflowing.

 _Azar, how I love you._

Reluctantly, unwillingly, making use of all of her inner strength, she grumbled soundlessly and forced herself away. As much as she'd love nothing more than to remain in the rapturous delight that was his embrace for all Eternity, there were things she had to do.

Her hand slid up over his chest and cheek caressingly. A dark glow appeared on the tips of her fingers as they touched his forehead.

"Sleep, my love," she whispered. "Sleep and wait. I'll be back soon enough."

With another regretful sigh she called on her power and levitated up. Her mangled body was just a minor inconvenience now that her abilities were fully restored and her control over them completely reestablished. She used them to dress herself and clasp the cloak around her shoulders, then opened the door and floated silently into the hallway.

Her empathic sense flowed out, seeking the Tower's inhabitants and making sure she would not be disturbed. A small smile appeared on the unscarred half of her face. As late as it was, not everyone was sleeping. Normally she would blush and quickly shut herself off from the sensations she felt coming from Kori's room, but this time she let them wash over her and deepen her joy.

 _It's about time._

She let out a small, happy giggle and shook her head, then wrapped herself both in her cloak and in the familiar self-imposed calmness and glided towards the Containment Room.

The wards around Trigon's body have been restored. Cyborg had wisely wasted no time repairing the damage Gar caused when he tried to claim her father's power. She frowned. Cyborg was not stupid; he probably boosted the security of the system with additional measures. She will have to be careful about it unless she wanted to wake the whole Tower.

Luckily, the half-robot might be an electronics genius but he knew next to nothing about magic. She sent a sliver of her soul-self inside the computers and traced carefully the digital pathways, leaving a small spot of blindness on every alert junction she could find. It took a while; it was delicate, exhausting work, but whenever she felt tiredness creep over her she simply thought of Garfield and her power would recharge itself on the limitless spring of love that flowed from her soul.

She needed almost two hours to finish. Tracing another path through the machines with her soul-self to make sure all alarms were silenced, she deactivated and removed the protective layers. She tensed for a moment, listening carefully and feeling with her empathy, waiting breathlessly for a reaction.

Reassured, she removed the sensors and IV drips from the comatose body and enveloped it in dark mist. Her hand rose and a portal grew from it, shimmering with black light. She gathered her strength and courage and stepped through, carrying with her the mortal cocoon with her father's essence inside. As the portal vanished the room's protection reactivated and the alarms snapped back into wakefulness, oblivious to the fact that they had nothing left to guard any more.

-=oOo=-

The scalding wind roared furiously, tugging at her short hair and whipping the cloak around her. It chilled the bones and burned the skin, and the stench of decay and brimstone it carried was overpowering. But none of the discomfort she might've felt showed on her face. She had learned a long time ago to compartmentalize such unpleasantness into a remote corner of her mind, to shut it off and ignore it.

Her gaze swept over the dismal landscape she found herself in. A scorched, parched desert where dunes writhed and snaked endlessly, tortured by the howling gale into ever more twisted, sickening shapes. Tall obsidian slabs jutted in drunken angles out of the ground, sharpened to a bitter edge by the abrasive sand blasted over them relentlessly by the unceasing tempest.

Inhuman cries, tittering and shrieks mingled with the wind's deafening ululations. She knew she was being watched by eyes hungry for more than just her flesh, but she spared it barely a thought. There was nothing here that could harm her. The hidden watchers could feel who and what she was and remained unseen, careful not to offer any challenge or aggression. Even their insatiable hunger would not drive them to such an act of self-destructive insanity.

The crippled human form that she was carrying enveloped in black mist was lowered to the searing sands and released. As soon as it touched the cursed ground its color turned a sickly yellow and it bloated until the skin began splitting to reveal masses of pallid maggots that burst out and spilled down and burrowed into the sand with surprising speed. In less than a minute nothing remained of the fleshy form where her father was imprisoned.

She waited.

An enormous hand erupted from the sand, followed quickly by another. The ground shook and she staggered, then levitated up while the sand heaved under her like a storm-tossed sea. An antlered head broke the surface, followed by the rest of the giant red form of the Arch-Demon. She glided back to remove herself from under the deluge of sand, rock and dust cascading down the huge body. Her good hand pulled the hood back from her head and she waited patiently, gazing calmly at the snarling visage before her.

Trigon lifted his arms. Colossal thunderclouds the color of infected wounds gathered with astonishing quickness over him, and poisonously green lightning crackled into his fingers. He bellowed in exultation as the power of his own realm filled him again.

The clouds cleared. The arms fell. The ubiquitous gale quieted to a dead calm. The four eyes blazed a murderous crimson as they descended to glare at the small, blue-cloaked form waiting patiently below.

" _Kindness,_ Raven?" the deep voice rumbled menacingly like a volcano about to explode. "Was defeating me not enough? Must you _humiliate_ me as well?"

A small shrug lifted Raven's shoulder almost imperceptibly. "You're not an idiot. You know full well that I couldn't leave you on the mortal plane, and throwing you in Limbo is asking for trouble."

The four eyes narrowed. Searing red fires roared through them. Gargantuan claws clenched into massive fists.

"This is not over, _dear daughter!_ I will grow stronger and –"

" _Enough!_ " the word shot from Raven's mouth in a whispered explosion that made the Demon Lord reel. "You can't touch me, Father. Not any more. Not ever again."

A fit of uncontrollable rage clouded Trigon's mind and he bent to seize the insolent, offensive presence that dared defy him. Raven's eye blazed white and a mirrored glow appeared on the ruined side of her face. Trigon screamed, clutching his head and clawing at his eyes.

"That was Love, Father. Just a little Love," Raven remarked in a dry, clinical voice as she watched Trigon writhe in agony. "The tiniest portion of the smallest shard of the love I feel for him."

Trigon fell to his knees, wailing. The ground cracked and heaved; obsidian cliffs were vomited up in twisting violence only to shatter like glass and fall in a shower of glittering black dust.

Raven levitated closer. "Remember it," she continued in the same dispassionate, lecture-like tone, observing with cool detachmesnt her creator as he thrashed and squirmed under the agonizing assault of the one thing he couldn't withstand. "Remember it well. Because if you ever try to get at me by plotting against him, I will know it."

Trigon moaned and mountains crumbled. The storm began howling again, shrieking its mindless fear and overwhelming agony. Forked strands of eye-searing lightning crashed between roiling thunderclouds that swirled and churned above them. A layer of billowing dust rose from the shaking ground and geysers of sand burst upwards into the sickly-colored sky. Trigon's daughter stood calmly in the middle of it all while the fury of Hell roared around her, too terrified to touch her.

"I will know it, and I will make you feel _all_ of it," Raven's quiet voice pierced the cacophony and hammered her soft words excruciatingly into the demon's mind. She rose higher to be level with him and her eyes split double while the freezing blaze of the deepest Pits of Hell lit up inside them. "And after it burns your twisted mind into gibbering insanity, I will show you what _real_ Hatred and Rage look like."

With a final glance of mixed loathing and pity directed at the utterly defeated demon, Raven created a portal back and stepped through it.

-=oOo=-

She materialized out of the portal and into the dark, deserted Ops room. Floating quickly to the counter, she filled the electric kettle with water and turned it on before finally allowing her feet to touch the ground. She leaned heavily on the countertop and took a deep breath. Her confident stance and threatening words were not mere bravado, but the enormous effort she had to invest to block out Trigon's elemental malice and fury was exhausting.

The water boiled and the kettle clicked off. She made herself tea and floated over to the couch. There were enough minutes left before dawn for her to relax, recover and finish what she had to do.

The calming silence of the empty room and the hot tea she carefully sipped had the same effect on her as a satisfying meditation séance. She allowed herself a small smile, placed the empty mug in the sink and floated out towards the infirmary.

"Mother?" she inquired quietly as she entered. Arella lifted her head and smiled radiantly at her daughter. "Raven?"

The empath floated closer and embraced her mother in a loving, one-armed hug. Arella returned the gesture gently, then pulled back. Her eyes studied the maimed empath carefully before she nodded lightly in understanding. "You've been… cleansed. This is his doing, isn't it?"

Raven bit her lip and assented. "Without him... I would've been gone, and Trigon would've had me. I never…"

Arella's hand caressed her cheek. "That is true, my dear. But the battle was yours. Never forget it."

"I suppose so," the sorceress sighed and her good eye turned to the leader of Azarath, floating an inch above the infirmary bed in a healing trance. "How is he?"

"Almost healed," Arella glanced at the man and ran a tender hand through his hair. "He will be coming out of the trance very soon now. We will return to Azarath as soon as he does. Please say goodbye to the others for us"

A small, knowing smile spread over the undamaged part of Raven's face. "He's a good man," she stated with a hint of amusement in her voice. Arella looked back at her sharply. Raven's smile widened. Arella's expression relaxed and she gave her daughter back a small, crooked smile. For a moment Raven had the feeling she was looking at herself in a mirror.

Her mother's hands reached for and clasped her own. "They both are."

-=oOo=-

"That's enough, y'all!" Cyborg cut through the deafening shouts of excitement and joy that exploded all over the Ops room when Raven walked in, leaning on Gar and sporting a happy smile. "You!" He stabbed a thick, metallic finger at her, then jerked a thumb over his shoulder towards the side door. "Infirmary. _Now._ "

Raven knew better than to argue with Cyborg when he went into full-on Big Bro mode. Garfield's arm around her waist gave her a gentle push, making it completely clear that he was in full agreement with his best friend. The half-demoness realized this was a fight she could never even hope to win. She rolled her eye, sighed and meekly allowed herself to be guided to the infirmary.

"No changes," Cyborg scowled as he studied the results on the console and while Gar helped Raven dress. "When will you start healing yourself?"

"Right away. Use today's results as a baseline," she replied. "I'll be entranced for about twenty hours every day, but I'll have to come out of it to eat, shower, go to the bathroom and fulfill all the other needs that I have. We should plan to use part of my waking time for regular check-ups."

Cyborg grunted his agreement. Raven's hand reached for Garfield's shoulder and he helped her get up. She leaned on him and his arm went around her waist to give her support.

They walked slowly towards her room when a thought struck him. Why was she leaning on him when now she could…

"Uh, Rae?" he asked, his voice betraying his confusion. "Can't you fly?"

"Figure it out, lover boy!" she smirked and leaned on him more heavily. Gar grinned. Indeed, he should've known better than to ask such a silly question. Raven would never let pass the opportunity to have his arms around her.

He smirked back. "Well, if that's the case…" he quickly scooped her up in his arms and carried her bridal style. "Now _this_ should be even better!"

Raven sighed in contentment. "Azar help me, I've got an idiot for a husband!" she mumbled as she rubbed her face on his chest. "It sure took you a while!"

-=oOo=-

There was one thing about Raven's healing process that Gar really disliked. Twenty hours a day of repairing and regrowing tissue during her trance left Raven with an almost demonic craving for protein. And there was one thing about which he was resigned that Raven would not change her mind, no matter how much he knew she loved him.

Every night Cyborg outdid himself in preparing a protein-rich dinner for his 'little sis', and every night Gar had to look away with a queasy feeling in his gut while his wife devoured the meat, eggs, sausage and cheese so generously laid on the table by his best buddy. But the worst thing about it all was the victorious grin spread all over Cyborg's features, as wide as it was evil.

"I'm sorry, Gar!" she tried to speak around a huge mouthful of very tender and very rare steak, specially prepared for her by Cyborg. "You know I can't stand tofu."

Raven swallowed the meat, then stuffed a large forkful of eggs into her mouth. "I just can't understand how something so tasteless can taste so bad!"

Gar sighed, then chuckled to himself. Raven would make it up to him soon enough.

-=oOo=-

There was little change in Raven's outward appearance in the first week, but the ever-widening smile on Cyborg's face and the increasingly positive results of her daily check-ups did show she was healing herself at an accelerated rate. Either her control over her powers has improved or those powers themselves increased after Trigon's defeat. Whatever it was, her healing was quicker than even she anticipated, and Gar could barely keep his joy contained.

In a little more than a week Cyborg declared her out of danger, and ten days later completely healed – at least on the inside. It was after that when he noticed the scar across her face receding. Slowly, over many days it retreated and diminished while her smooth, pale skin advanced and the destroyed nerves and muscle regenerated under it. Hair grew again from the bald, wrinkled patches of scalp and the hole in her left cheek shrank, puckered and vanished. Her arm began regaining some movement and her limp wasn't so pronounced.

As Raven healed herself, the other Titans resumed their patrols. While Gar watched over his recovering wife, Jinx, Kid Flash and Red Star replaced them during their absence. It was enough to keep the Jump City underworld in check, even if the criminals quickly noticed a lack of leadership in the superhero team.

Nightwing had refused to take again the role of the leader, considering himself not qualified after his actions of two years ago. He would visit Gar and Raven in their room and spend quite some time watching Raven in her trance and talking with Gar about small things. Garfield let him battle it with himself, knowing that every day Raven showed an improvement it made Richard reassess himself in a more positive way. Starfire was always close by, her buoyant optimism and energetic enthusiasm also helping along Richard's own recovery.

The scar finally released its grip over her eye. It remained closed, not fully healed yet, and for days Gar had the impression Raven was winking at him constantly. He mentioned it to her, only to receive back a "Maybe I am" and an enigmatic smile.

And then the day came. Her lids fluttered and her eyes opened, the left one twitching a little, unaccustomed even to the subdued lighting of their room.

Gar could only stare breathlessly into those twin amethyst pools that captivated him since the day he first saw her. She returned his gaze, cupped his face and gave him a long but light and tender kiss. She pulled back a little, looking into his eyes and pressing her forehead to his own.

"I love you," she whispered and his heart exploded.

-=oOo=-

"We shall have the greatest party for the celebration of your full healing, friend Raven!" Starfire clasped her hands and flew a loop around the Ops room. Raven winced, rolled her eyes and tried to sink into Garfield's reassuring embrace.

"Of course, Kori!" she agreed with a somewhat lackluster enthusiasm. She frowned at her grinning husband. "You're enjoying this, aren't you?"

"What can I say? You know I love parties –"

The Crime Alert blared. Everyone looked at the large screen where a map appeared, together with information about what was happening.

"Dr. Light?" Cyborg commented in amused disbelief. "The guy really knows how to pick the worst time – for him!" he laughed and turned to Raven. "Whaddaya think, little sis? Care to open a huge barrel of whoop-ass on the good Doctor?"

"I'm sure I'll enjoy it," Raven smirked. "As soon as…" her voice trailed off and she paused, casting a meaningful glance at Nightwing.

Richard swallowed, then looked at Starfire. She nodded and smiled her reassurance. His gaze swept over the rest of his old team.

"Are you guys sure? After all I've…"

"Just say it, dude!" Changeling chuckled. Nightwing swallowed again, pulled himself together and looked once more at each of them, as if to confirm what they were telling him. A huge grin split his face.

"Titans! _Go!_ " he shouted.

They ran.

-=oOo=-

 **Author's Note:**

It's finally over, after more than two years. I'm sorry for all the delays, but I hope the end result is pleasing enough. Thank you all for reading, liking and reviewing! It motivated me to push myself to finish it!


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